1st half of 2014 movies reviews

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
Cardinal rule about trailers: while they are intended to hype you up about a movie, they should never be believed.
Case in point, "Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit" filled me with hopes of intricate betrayals and spy situations where things are going horribly wrong not unlike the 4th Mission Impossible movie.
This was not the case.
Chris Pine plays the titualr Jack Ryan and while he does a fair job portraying the role of a man who must keep secrets, it's honestly a paint-by-numbers on high-octane, spy drama. Nobody betrays him as I was led to believe in the trailer, and the threat is about as basic as your average night of NCIS or NCIS LA.

Bridesmaids
Having been recently diving deep into the waters of Saturday Night Live, one can see many of their alumni in "Bridesmaids" and how clever it can be.
Kristen Wigg is set to be the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding to Nameless Schmo A, and while she has the best of intentions for Maya Rudolph, events happen that completely undermine everything going right for her, making it a tale where we're supposed to laugh at all her misfortunes.
And there ain't nothing wrong with that.
The amount of laughs one can get out of the absurd situations, all involving the misery of our protagonist, are astronomical. From the misery of a policeman who wants her to start up her baking business again, misery from ridiculous roommates, and of course, misery caused by another bridesmaid completely one-upping her efforts to win over the bride to insane levels of extravagance.
Insane, fun, a little gross at times, and I can't believe it was even nominated for an Oscar.


The LEGO Movie
The one thing you should know about "the LEGO Movie,"
EVERYTHING.
*IS*
AWESOME.
An everyday, unspectacular, completely normal guy finds himself the center of a giant prophecy that will overthrow the Orwellian government and bring the fun and creativity back to the world...not the kind of synopsis you'd expect from a glorified toy commercial eh?
A generic LEGO minifigure has his communistic, always-compliant lifestyle flipped upside down when he is mysteriously bonded to a piece that'll stop the superweapon the evil Lord Business, emulating Lord Farquad's obsession with order and perfection in his world. He is drafted into the revolutionary forces of the Master Builders, which include Batman, a 1980s-era spaceman, a hybrid kitty-unicorn, a cyborg pirate, and many many more. And from that setup, it's nonstop action, laughs, witty one-liners, excellent characters and their development, and a twist you will NEVER. SEE. COMING.
Watch this for amazing animation, story, and characters. But if you hate being a corporate tool, get over yourself and enjoy a damn good animated film.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Amazingly, the twist might be a reference to this gem from Fullmetal Alchemist

Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Somebody out there must be listening because I was so afraid that there would be too many "temporal fish-out-of-water" scenes in "Captain America: the Winter Soldier."
There are not. There's a notepad of pop culture references that changes upon region viewed, and with that out of the way, there is a juicier movie!
The good Captain Rogers is now working with S.H.I.E.L.D. to take down threats that's too much for mere mortals. But there's someone that manages to take out Samuel L. Jackson, the urban legend amongst spies known as the Winter Soldier. It's up to Captain America and the only hanger on from the Avengers movies, Black Widow, to get to the bottom of what's the deal behind this military dog with the automail arm.
As I mentioned last time I had to talk about Captain America, I thought he was a pretty boring dude...an icon of patriotism and valor, but overall not that impressive (I would've said Superman's *my* American symbol, but then Man of Steel happened...), but this movie blew my expectations of the character out of the water. You really feel for this guy, being a relic from the past, trying to fight evils of the present, as well as what really matters to him.
Good solid action, really dive into how Captain America is trying to adapt to this new world, but without tacky what-is-computer-durr scenes, and enjoy his interactions with everybody, including new hero Falcon.
Oh yeah...a twist of much twistness...you have been warned.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here. 
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Get it? Winter is cold! Frozen even!

Rio
Everybody loves a good fish out of water story; oh the hilarious possibilities! So what does "Rio" have different from other such tales?
Bird who can't fly because of upbringing?...and then thrust into the fast-pounding heartbeat of the creature known as Rio de Janeiro?
...points for creative locale.
We start out with a cute baby parrot as he sees his people sing and dance as only birds can...and then we're immediately subjected to scenes of animal cruelty and the sad baby bird ending up in Minnesota.
Years pass and the bird is exceedingly comfortable in his lifestyle as a VERY PAMPERED PET. Then news is that he could be one of the last of his kind unless he mates with a wild one in captivity in Rio de Janeiro.
So not only are there hilarious hijinx involving trying to get the girl bird to see him as respectable, but then there's a smuggling plot, lots of musical numbers, an evil cockatoo, hip birds that can somehow speak English despite being natives to Brazil, and...Carnival...of course...
Brought to you from the same goons who have done the Ice Age movies, one can only hope that a quality product popped out of this studio...and it did...just don't try to compare it to Pixar or Dreamworks level storytelling or animation.

Crossover with the only other mega-franchise involving birds won't exactly make the movie better...but it sure can try.

Amazing Spiderman 2
With the previous film starring Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone being met with a resounding "meh," did the folks at Sony up the ante for "Amazing Spiderman 2?"
Yes! It is now a resounding "Okey dokey."
Gone are the yellow tinted eyes from Spidey as he does his superheroing, as well as graduating from high school. In his quest for adulthood, he must deal with creepy, obsessed fanboys who somehow gets turned into an electric-eel man, his aunt living a double life of her own, being haunted by the ghosts of his failures, finding out what on earth his parents were up to considering they had to ditch him and the country at an early age, and reconnect with his childhood buddy who is terminally ill.
Lot to swallow? Try watching this craziness and see if you can see the plates a-spinning.
Personally, this movie spoke to me at the time since I was pretty apprehensive about all the changes happening in my life...and this movie was all about Peter Parker having to deal with the changes happening to his rapidly, spiraling-out-of-control, life. And in the end, I learned that even if life has dealt you the worst hand, you keep the poker face on and keep playing. Sometimes, not just for yourself but for your capacity to bring hope to others.
Even if you hate what the "Amazing" films have done to the franchise, watch this one for inspiration...and possibly really cute relationship-building scenes with Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker...and this one Sherlock Holmes-esque scene involving Spider-Sense.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Thanks you wonderful SNL people for doing a funny thing involving the movie for me.

Godzilla (2014)
"Godzilla." King of the Monsters. Doin' monster things. For a couple of minutes.
As is typical when Americans take the helm in directing a film of the world's most famous giant monster, not enough focus is on him, and instead we are treated to far less interesting people because somebody out there believes the gigantic lizard with the atomic breath can't be interesting all on his own.
But what this does that completely shoots the old '98 Zilla film out of the water is that Big G actually gets to fight other monsters. Nobody goes to a Godzilla movie anxiously awaiting the scenes of how military forces are completely ineffectual against the colossal reptile; they want to see epic bestial brawls and this movie does deliver that...for a couple of minutes. Like I said before, they want to keep the human element the focus of the film for some reason, and we see the main character always be a part of the Godzilla action somehow.
The only reason to see this movie is if you are a diehard fan of kaiju...and if you want to wash out the taste of giant swimming iguana that changes genders on a whim.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

As with most things, I believe if it featured pokemon whatever it is will be better. Same with this case.

X-men: Days of Future Past
"Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack...jack...jackjackjackman"
I was mighty satisfied with "X-men: Days of Future Past." They keep it focused on the mutants that all of this revolve around and the drama/conflict is very palpable.
We open on a bad future with just some of our favorite Xmen, and through funky mutant powers that shouldn't be a thing, but we're thankful are, Wolverine's mind gets sent back into the 70s. Conveniently, it's when "First Class" Xavier is having an existential crisis what with 75% of the cast from that movie are dead. So it's up to time-displaced Wolverine and bitter&angry Tumnus Xavier to bring the band together, for not only a rescue mission, but a mission that undoes the future that is Aku-erm, berserk robots who hunt down humanity. Also Jennifer Lawrence is near nude as is typical of Mystique.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Surprisingly accurate synopsis that's relatively spoiler-free.

The Grandmaster
...really didn't get "The Grandmaster."
Despite cool action scenes...what the heck was it about? Who was the main character? What was the point of including that "Razor" guy? What was the climax? Because if your last fight was 20-30 minutes before the end, that's just dragging us through pointlessness.
GO WATCH "IP MAN" INSTEAD!

Pacific Rim
Just how much has Japan taken over the world?
When something so Japanese as "giant robots beating up giant monsters" can get the greenlight as the Hollywood film "Pacific Rim." Because let's face it, everybody digs giant robots.
In the far future, mysterious giant monsters with radioactive blood emerged from a dimensional crack in the Pacific Ocean, and, as is typical, conventional military weapons are useless against em. And with too many hours of watching Power Rangers, Voltron, Evangelion, Gurren Lagann, Gundam, and other merchandising opportunities from Japan toymakers, the logical step to fighting these monstrosities are gigantic mecha, named Jaegers, piloted by two psychic-linked, hot-blooded, youths from around the world. With the monsters escalating in numbers and sheer power however, the movie opens on the Jaeger program on its last legs. Thanks to a last-ditch effort from a coalition of the last Jaeger pilots however, the tide is turned not just through the sheer might of their mighty machines, but...erm, from nerds messing around with dead monster parts...BUT MOSTLY THROUGH THE GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING KAIJU IN THE FACE!
For a funny, yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Further reasons for why you need multiple pilots for one robot that's mimicking your body movements are explored in the prequel comic.

Maleficent

"Maleficent," AKA Disney's (other) version of "Wicked," the hit Broadway musical. 

Even longer before "a long time ago" was a cute fae-child named Maleficent who had magnificent wings that she would soar through the skies in her fairy kingdom and all was right in the world...except a human boy with too much ambition seduced her and she was essentially taken in by his talk of true love and stuff...and left her crippled...and made her completely psycho evil.

EXCEPT!

When the boy becomes king and has a daughter, this jilted lover curses the child, but is unable to bring herself to kill it outright. Thus begins the long tale of how she essentially raises the kid because of truly negligent parenting.

There is so much wrong with this movie and yet the redeeming factors ARE the title character, with Angelina Jolie playing it so cool, yet so maternal, that it's hard to imagine how she EVER really becomes the mistress of all evil. That and the eventual relationship that forms between the sleeping beauty and her is quite fascinating. All other characters you remember from the story though, have become nasty, awful, and/or boring kinds of people.

If you're a hardcore Disney fan, you might want to skip this...but if you want to see a really amazing performance from Angelina Jolie, go ahead and give it a go. Also, Steel-types kill fairies!
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.

For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Hipster Emma Swan says, "Did that kind of true love's kiss before it was cool."

Edge of Tomorrow
Hey kids! Hate Tom Cruise? Why not watch a movie where he dies!
A lot!
"Edge of Tomorrow" is a thrilling, sci-fi, based-on-a-Japanese-manga tale of jellyfish-frog aliens trying to conquer the Earth through the same time-travelling-through-the-mind nonsense that we saw in "X-men: Days of Future Past,"  and the one guy Tom-Cruise-crazy enough to stop them.
Cruise's character is a glorified military PR guy but because he pissed off a higher-up, he gets sent to the front lines of the D-Day analogue as a grunt with no rank, no experience, and no hope. However, his one lucky shot at an enemy alien lets him hitchhike on the "Groundhog Day" Express and he must relive the day over and over. Along the way, he has hilarious shenanigans with his new company, learns how to be a badass fighter in a super suit thanks to Emily Blunt's character, a war hero from a previous battle where she literally single-handedly won it, and in general, learns to be less of a jerk.
There's dark humor a-plenty here as the only way Tom Cruise gets to restart the loop is to get killed...and he gets killed off many, many times. There's also lots of solid action-y pieces, but mainly it shows many soldiers in futuristic armor get slaughtered since the aliens are a bunch of know-it-alls.
Overall, a really solid action movie, with some chemistry between Cruise and Blunt, and a lot of dark humor and alien blasting.

Not according to the Beatles (All you need is Love)...nor Mitsuru Matsuoka (All you need is Drive)

How to Train your Dragon 2
Pop quiz! What is the number one enemy of a series, be it TV, comic, or movie?
Stagnation.
The same thing, the status quo, what you were super impressed with the first time but after it keeps happening, you tire of the monotony.
The hero will save the day/the world/their way of life, slapstick will always go on despite pain unimaginable, and the mysterious conspiracy will never get explained until the end.
SO THANK ANY OF THE NORSE DEITIES YOU WISH TO CALL UPON THAT "HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2" UPPED THE ANTE!
3 years have passed and not only has dragon-viking interactions reached an all-time high, they're now a part of daily life, from pet ownership, to organized sports, to exploration and adventure!
Leading the charge of course is our relatively-grown-up beanpole of a brilliant mind, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III and his faithful brother in crippledness Toothless the Night Fury.  They discover that somebody out there is kidnapping dragons to make an unstoppable army with, and ever the envoy of peace, Hiccup seeks to change this new adversary's mind about how lovable these beasts are. Along the way, he meets new allies (and family. Goshdarnit trailer you spoiled that up!) which bring to light new and brilliant ways to interact with dragons, and in light of a tragedy, will rise to the challenge of fighting back and protecting his own.
All the characters looks better with the 3-year timeskip, the action is brilliant when it happens, the heartfelt moments will crush, and of course, flying on the back of a dragon never seemed so appealing. The only things I would have to complain about that didn't seem to carryover from the previous film was the humor and the conflict.
In numero uno, the humor was centered mainly around the feline antics of the whole of dragonkind, specifically on Toothless, and the quirkiness of the supporting cast of would-be dragon slayers. In the follow-up, we still have the kitty nature of Toothless amped up to the 10s, but the funny from the human characters is not from their own personalities but from the tried&true hilarity that comes from the teenage hormones, with half the characters being enamored with someone or another and the crazy lengths people go to from infatuation.
Overall, a great film involving growing up and accepting your responsibilities while taking a stand against oppressors of your people...but with dragons at the core of the story. And that's not a bad thing.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.

Yes I had to buy this the weekend of viewing. Two of my favorite things on one shirt...three if you count the fact it glows in the dark.

Crocodile Dundee
Before there was Steve Irwin...there was Dundee!
Australians are a grand and noble people, who really could care less what you think about them. So what happens when a New York reporter is tasked with finding out how the Bushman lives in the Outback and then she invites him to come back to the big city with her?
HILARITY ENSUES!

The one line everyone remembers from this movie.

Saving Mr. Banks
What I really enjoy about "Saving Mr. Banks," a Special Behind-the Scenes look at "Mary Poppins," is the whole ordeal you get to see involving the creation of a beloved classic. What I like better than just watching a documentary is how at odds the creative team is with the author, played brilliantly by Emma Thompson, as she is against almost everything Walt Disney and his cronies has in changing her story into a major motion picture. As the story progresses though, the audience finds out that it's not because she's just takes pleasure in being difficult, but because the story of Mary Poppins is so special and personal to her, that any deviation from her intended vision sets her off on a tizzy.

Guardians of the Galaxy
Or as I like to call it, "Ooga Chaka and More 80s references than you can Shake a Space-Stick at!"
Oh Marvel Studios...how you can take the obscurest of characters and make a feature film about them without making them seem dated, unlikable, nor uninteresting is probably YOUR superpower.
Kid gets abducted by aliens and spends his life learning to space pirate with the best of em. One gig has him find some mystical relic and so he's thrown in prison because of it. In prison, he runs into a deadly, green cyborg-woman, a pair of not-even-remotely-human mercenaries, and a hardened warrior who is unintentionally hilarious. While they're hatching the escape from space prison, another menace rears its head from a blue-skinned alien dude who hates another type of alien and wants the mystical macguffin to destroy those he hates. And who better to beat him to it than the ragtag band of misfits previously mentioned.
While it is a Marvel production, it is technically not a superhero flick. It reads on paper more like a space adventure where a dude assembles a team of weirdos to fight a planetary threat. And what's more, it can be downright hilarious. The main character is so hopelessly stuck in the past, not having any interaction with Earth since the 80s, that he references all these retro pop culture stuff (plus he has a Walkman with some of the classic jams of the 60s and 70s) despite being in a somewhat futuristic sci-fi setting. The chemistry between the talking raccoon and the talking tree is amazing since one has a limited vocabulary and the other talks such a big game that you forget he is actually quite small.
Overall, a MUST WATCH for lovers of sci-fi adventure and lovable rogues who fight the good fight.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

 

Because as many have pointed out, "Guardians of the Galaxy" is essentially "Live-action Cowboy Bebop" or alternatively "Live-action Outlaw Star." Or for you non-anime fans, it's also been described as "the most Star Wars film since the original trilogy ended without it actually being Star Wars."

Expendables 3 
The only way to describe "Expendables 3"
ULTRA-MANLY!!
TESTOSTERONE-FUELED RIDE OF MUSCLES AND GUNS AND EXPLOSIONS!
Oh and a super-funny Antonio Banderas and a super-hammy, yet threatening Mel Gibson.
Best part? You didn't need to worry about little things like continuity and such since I enjoyed it without seeing any of the previous films.

Not exactly, but really, these ARE what you think of when you think "cannon fodder."

Hunger Games: Catching Fire
So "Catching Fire" is pretty much more of the same of the first movie, but with much more EXTREEEEEEEME to it.
EXTREEEEEME celebrity lifestyle BS that ain't for Katniss!
EXTREEEEEME poverty shown in the rest of the districts!
EXTREEEEEEME dresses on fire, but now with more middle finger to the government!
EXTREEEEEME Hunger Games action but this time with all the participants being more EXTREEEEEME than the last (yes, even Mags)!
EXTREEEEEEME plot twisting with not just 1 supposedly bad guy on your side but 2!
Of course this is really setting things up for Mockingjay and all the ROW-ROW-FIGHT-DA-POWA that comes with it, but until then, enjoy Hunger Games All-Stars with less chance of winning than last time!
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Jennifer Lawrence cosplaying as Batman, but Lenny Kravitz is more a fan of Hawkgirl.

All is Lost
Otherwise known as,  "The Universe Hates Robert Redford on a Boat." Seriously, we're not told this character's name, why he's on a dinky little sailboat in the middle of the ocean, nor why he suddenly finds himself in constant peril, but we keep watching just to see what becomes of this poor poor man.

Robert Redford's status the majority of the movie = this kitty.

Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Just like how "The Dark Knight" upped the ante for awesome that "Batman Begins" begat, "Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows" gives us a sleeker, cooler, funnier Sherlock Holmes than any of his predecessors...except for maybe Benedict Cumberbatch but he's cool period. In addition, the nemesis is much more a menace and threat psychologically and physically than whoever-he-was-that-faked-his-death in that first film.
Brings everything you loved from the first movie back, what with Sherlock essentially being a superhero whose main power is his brainpower, as he and his faithful companion John Watson and another lady try to stop the eve of a world war from a madman.

Much more likely the Robert Downey Jr. version would do this than Benedict Cumberbatch, but therein lies the funny.

The rest of my 2013 movies seen in a nutshell

Oz: the Great and Powerful
I feel like this movie was made from some Sam Raimi Spiderman trilogy fan watching the Broadway musical "Wicked" while drunk. The untold story of the titular Wizard of Oz is one full of lucky coincidence, destroying systems of government because of misdirected/misinterpretted love, and establishing nearly nothing for the 1940s film. The effects were a good part though. Just like the original, Oz's time in the real world was gray and sepia while his time in the fairytale land is as colorful and visually stunning as Dorothy opening the door to technicolor.  Sorry Disney, but my headcanon of the time BD (Before Dorothy) still belongs to the Broadway musical about dysfunctional roomies with the Wizard as a glorious "evil" mastermind.

Unconditional
A Christian film, but still powerful. Overall, it's like a less preachy and deus-ex-machina'd version of "It's a Wonderful Life," with someone at the bottom of their rope finding that they really did make a difference in someone's life, and in turn, that someone helps those he can and becomes such a positive influence in the neighborhood, that she finds that her anger and pain is small cookies in comparison to the plights of others. Through seeing all the good he's doing, and the forgiveness he exhibits despite the struggles of his life, she in turn finds peace with the trauma that haunts her and forgiveness for the supposed source of it.

Monsters University

I was totally prepared to not enjoy "Monsters University" because I figured it was made with all the leftover feelings from when Andy left for college in "Toy Story 3."

I was wrong.

Despite what people say about Pixar losing their touch, they still know how to make a film with a lot of heart and passion, be they original movies, sequels, or in this case, prequels.

That being said, this is still an excellent prequel to "Monsters Inc." since it explains a lot about Mike One-eyeski's obsession with getting his friend to be #1 scarer in the company. As well as several other quirks found in the characters we saw nearly 10 years ago.  To that end, the friendship that develops between Mike and James Sullivan is definitely the focal point of the film.  At first it starts off like a typical "school" film with the determined student diligently studying despite the many distractions of campus life, but at the halfway point, it becomes more like the Quidditch matches or the Triwizard Tournament from the Harry Potter films.

Overall, a fun look at our beloved monster duo before they were friends, but really irks me that they couldn't even get a letter of recommendation to Monsters Inc..

The hilariousness of watching a bunch of monsters running through a field of these and swelling up to horrifically comedic size is a bit of a mood whiplash.

Turbo

Not a Power Rangers movie, but one that features Ryan Reynolds as a snail touched by the Speed Force. "Turbo" combines simple tropes with the trademark funny of the Dreamworks Animation.

The movie starts out slow (pun completely intended)...but stick around and you'll see "Rataouille" (A human befriends a spectacularly gifted animal and together they blow expectations out of the water) with elements borrowed from "Finding Nemo," "Cars," and "A Bug's Life."

Still a more legitimate way of acquiring superspeed than Golden Age Flash (Hard Water fumes? Really?)

Despicable Me 2

Let us consider sequels that, by all accounts, should not have been made. The American Pie series, Happy Feet 2, Shrek the Third, almost ALL the Land Before Time sequels, and many many more.  By all accounts, "Despicable Me 2" SHOULD be under this category as well. However, the geniuses behind the first movie made the 2nd as enjoyable as the 1st.

Trouble is afoot again and unlike the last movie where it was implied there was no government or peoples who stood up to villains, this time we learn about the AVL, the Anti-Villain League. They recruit Gru, our lovable curmudgeon who was softened by his newly adopted daughters last time, to infiltrate a mall and find the villain responsible for the havoc that might be done with a super mutagen.  Along the way, he is partnered with a kooky female secret agent that develops a romantic interest for our Russian-esque anti-hero. Not only that but a boy is making a move on his oldest daughter! Drama?

Nope. All comedy.

Because despite the storyline posted above, most of the film is sidelined frequently with the shenanigans of the little yellow minions that inhabit Gru's lab. 5 for 5, each scene featuring them is hilarious. The main characters still retain their quirks and foibles, along with some new characters and they're equally as funny.

Overall, a gut-busting film of great many laughs.

Despite the ipad game coming out at least a month or so before the movie, I thought they would introduce this girl in some way or form...never happened. *shrugs*

Planes
So the "Cars" films were so popular, they warranted a spinoff "Planes."
I approve only for the fact that the American Airlines cameo plane was the nicest in the whole of JFK airport. #brandloyalty
But talk about not straying from what you know...it is essentially a retreading of the "Cars" movies, with the underdog racing aspect, along with the wise old mentor who had some trauma in the past, from the first one, and the world-building and racial stereotypes of the 2nd movie.  If you really enjoy exploring the world that the "Cars" movies had established, this is for you. Otherwise, skip this nosediving garbage.

So one artist's rendition of what a traditional "goat sucker" monster looks like...remind me again why they thought naming such a witty, and fun(ish) character after this beast was a good idea?

Oblivion
Every so often, Tom Cruise needs to remind the public that he can do action movies.
Enter "Oblivion" which has Tom Cruise and another gal functioning as clean up crew for a bad future where aliens ravaged the planet and everyone's chilling on the Axiom, I mean, Jupiter. They use robot probes that look like GLADOS personality cores to help fight the aliens still squatting on our planet.  To further hammer in the WALL-E parallels further, Tom Cruise finds solace in the long-forgotten simple things of Earth.
But all is not well in his humdrum life since he starts having weirdo flashbacks and misgivings about his purpose. These are only compounded when an EVE unit, erm, a life pod bearing a woman claiming to be his wife crashes dangerously close to a trigger-happy probe-bot.
Thus begins the dark twisting and turning of an alien conspiracy so deep and "well-thought-out" Agent Mulder and Scully would have totally been all over that.
While by no means original (I made about 3 "WALL-E" references above for crying out loud), the film does deliver on action scenes and high-flying action that Tom Cruise is famous for, builds a strange, yet familiar world of the oh-so-popular urban wasteland made popular through many zombie movies, modern world war movies, and the wake-of-the-disaster movies. The story is also fascinating with the abrupt paradigm shifts that keep happening to our main character, and near the end, you realize almost every line earlier in the film had deeper meaning (basically that aliens are ridiculous parrots).
Overall, good movie and good to know that Tom Cruise ain't getting too old to do action.

Just look at these things and don't think that you could hear it yell out "SPAAAAAAAAAACE!"

Thor: the Dark World
So what's Thor doing after the events of "the Avengers?" More of what he's done before.
Woohoo...
Thor, the (alien) god of Thunder, is mopey because he's beating up dudes in the other realms but he's getting no pleasure out of it and his lady friend is back on earth. That changes when aforementioned lady friend finds the lava-lamp goo McGuffin of the film, which in turn awakens the ancient(ish) evil that Odin sealed away a long time ago...THE DARK ELVES!...which are actually kind of pale...and not too elvish-looking, neither Tolkein-style or house-elves.
Despite their ridiculous non-elfness, they launch a laughably easy attack on Asgard itself, leading to a very broken down kingdom. Because of plot convenience, the elves disappear and Thor must hunt them down because...honor or something. How to travel interdimensionally without Odin's blessing though?
Treacherous pawn of doom from "the Avengers" and many a fangirl's dream, Loki Laufeyson!
The scenes between Loki and Thor are truly full of chemistry and humor. Greatness.
To sum up the climax, I'll simply say "Now you're thinking with portals."
Overall, MUCH better than the first "Thor" but since it is Thor and his world of grand yet bland, it's not really up there on my scale of "SUPER COOL MARVEL MOVIES."
And further buildup for the Avengers movie which will probably be the Infinity Gauntlet story? What's that?
We'll let "Guardians of the Galaxy" explain when that rolls around.

Essentially what the Macguffin of the movie that possesses Natalie Portman. Woooo~

World War Z
ZOMBIES!
ZOMBIES!
ZOMBIES!
...
That's about it.
And Brad Pitt survives because he's Brad Pitt...and really lucky...and smart enough to exploit a glaring flaw in this kind of zombie's operating system.
Watch if you really really like
ZOMBIES!
ZOMBIES!
ZOMBIES!

Gravity
Not so much a great movie, so much as a GRAND. CINEMATIC. EXPERIENCE.
With the premise seen in the trailers, this seemed like it would be one of those movies that capitalized on great many flashbacks to help us empathize with Sandra Bullock as she's drifting through space, with hope of getting rescued.
BUT NOPE!
Moments after the disaster strikes, we're barely able to breathe heavily with Sandra Bullock as she's drifting through space when she's rescued by George Clooney, who was also part of the crew and the only other face to attach to this film. And then the race is on to survive in an environment God never intended for humans to be in, without air, without land, without "Gravity."
The story is exceedingly farfetched;  a minefield where the mines are called "plot convenience." Despite that, the beauty of the film is in the grandness of the environment, which is orbiting around the Earth. If seen in IMAX 3D (not my idea but truly well worth it), the sheer size of the pictures moving in front of you can suck you into the realm of our desperately struggling heroine.
Apologies if you did not have a chance to see this in theaters, because if you watch from your home, or heaven help you, from your phone, you will miss out and think this movie sucks.

Very VERY appropriate tagline for this movie...but sadly already taken.

The Hunger Games
The "Hunger Games" can only be described as a twisted glimpse of what society looks like when they glorify celebrities, even if what those same celebrities are famous for is killing their peers in a mix of Bear Grylls survival training and gladiatorial combat.

Surprisingly useful skill, but then you wonder how they still have the resources to decorate cakes when their whole sector is dirt-poor...

Rurouni Kenshin
VERY pleased with the "Rurouni Kenshin" live-action movie. Characters are all faithful to their manga versions and the movie chooses good actors to represent them. The fight choreography is stunning and the story is a good mish-mash of probably the first 4-5 volumes with some early-bird cameos. 
The story follows a legendary swordsman, who has a change of heart, and takes a vow of no-killing.  But like Batman, that doesn't mean he can't beat ne'er do wells within an inch of their life.  After finding himself the nakama of several folks in need of justice, Kenshin finds himself taking on a rich fool who believes money is the only power, and his #1 thug who can paralyze with a glare. 
Overall, a must see for those who love themselves energetic and awesome sword fights as well as a brilliant actor who can switch effortlessly between goofball and cold-as-steel killer.

The actors are well known for being Kamen Riders in a previous life.

The Hobbit part 2: The Desolation of Smaug
The "Desolation of Smaug" was draggin' on too long!
...
Yes I am fully aware of what I did there.
Picking up where we left off last time, the party of dwarf, hobbit, and wizard have to make their way across a treacherous forest, a corrupt town of men on a lake, and in the mountain full of treasure and Benedict Cumberbatch-voiced dragon. Interspersed this time to reinforce its "prequelness" is Gandalf finding out the shady goings-on of a man (spirit? shadow?) who would become the biggest bad of the "Lord of the Rings." Also further padding goes to a noncanon appearance of Legolas (in all his cool cat badass glory) and an Original Character (OC) elf played by that chick from "Lost." Coincidentally, the OC elf is in a love triangle dealio with the youngest looking dwarf in the party and Legolas! Drama! (?whyjustwhy?)
Overall, the only good scenes are the escape from Elf Prison in barrels on a rushing river and Bilbo meeting Sherlock Holmes Dragon in his keep...and only that, everything else is so much stuffing that Thanksgiving called and said that's enough!

And with the rumors that Mr. Cumberbatch is set to play a Marvel superhero, I'm pretty sure he's ingratiated himself to nearly ALL aspects of fans.

Frozen 
"Frozen  had wonderful memorable characters...story was a bit tangled in their attempt to BE "Tangled" but overall still solid...like ice. 
An incredibly loose adaptation of the classic Hans Christian Andersen folk tale of a villainous snow queen, Disney goes and makes it a musical revolving around the tumultuous relationship between two royal ladies, one quirky, kooky and fun, the other a brooding mutant who has a freedom complex.
Did I mention it's a musical?
It's so musical. (Nearly 10 songs! Crikey even "Prince of Egypt" topped out at 7) The best song has to be Idina Menzel's crooning about being free from her past...you've probably heard it by now...something about the letting go of it...
While not the best film, it is still good solid Disney fun. A comedic sidekick that can be off-putting at first, but becomes funnier with repeated viewings. Songs full of Disney-esque charm. Ridiculously good animation involving ice-magic and landscapes.

Well maybe she can wear those at the next Mickey Mouse Club meeting or something.

The Lone Ranger

When Hollywood starts to scrape the bottom of the barrel for action flicks, they go back to the days of the early TV. With that we get "The Green Hornet," which was a terrible movie. Logically then, if Hollywood were to go even farther back, to radio days, to make their big budget action blockbuster, the movie would be even worse.
Thankfully, with Disney and Gore Verbinsky at the helm, we get "The Lone Ranger."
Lawyer John Reid goes home to Texas to be a DA. His brother is the local Texas Ranger and deputizes him to hunt down a missing outlaw. On the way to doing that however, him and his posse get ambushed and slaughtered. Enter Captain Jack Sparrow, I mean Tonto, and along with a somewhat-sacred-to-Indians horse, revives John...apparently we're going with "Princess Bride" logic about the stages of dead.  With new life and a new partner, John now seeks justice/revenge for his brother.
With that incredibly wordy synopsis out of the way, let's just say what this movie really is:
"Pirates of the Caribbean" set in the Ol' West.
There are so many parallels and similarities between the two films, that really it's not a far stretch to call them essentially the same movie. A kooky dude from another culture ropes an everyday unlucky dude into an adventure involving guns, explosions, conspiracies, unrequited old loves, weird-acting animals, cranky prostitutes, tragic loss of family, and big epic showdowns aboard moving vessels.
But is this necessarily a bad thing? Nope!
"Pirates of the Caribbean," no matter how convoluted, unnecessarily oddball, and fraught with love triangle nonsense it may be, is still a darn good film series, with the first "Curse of the Black Pearl" being one of my personal favorites. I can say with much confidence that if you liked any of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies, you will like this revisioning of the "Lone Ranger." By no means is it a perfect movie though, with weirdness from Johnny Depp's character likely to raise some eyebrows, and the Lone Ranger himself being an incompetent buffoon not unlike Seth Rogan's character from "The Green Hornet" for about 2/3 of the movie. However, the visuals, the action, the setting, and hitting all the right mythology gags make this a grand big budget action flick.

And even though I mentioned that they hit all the right "Lone Ranger" references, I am slightly saddened that this was never brought up:

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

Very rarely does an animated trilogy do well...normally it's either the first installment trying out the waters, the 2nd one trying to recreate the magic of the first, or the 3rd one failing miserably to do either.
However, such is not the case for the Madagascar trilogy from Dreamworks. Each of the films was delightfully funny, throwing their characters into the oddest and funniest of situations, with the 3rd installment "Europe's Most Wanted," garnering the most laughs and the most spectacle out of all the other films.
It picks up pretty much where the last one left off with the New York zoo animals waiting for the penguins to come back in their crazy monkey-powered plane from Morocco with gambling winnings. Getting fed up with waiting, they decide to go their themselves to pick the nutty penguins up.
This goes about as well as expected.
Hijinks ensue and one of THE funniest chase sequences I've ever seen is done with our protagonists and the head of the animal control police (which is essentially what happens when you mix the Terminator with the animal-trapping guy from "Over the Hedge"...but absolutely nothing pathetic about her!).
Since they're now on the lamb, they seek refuge with a bunch of circus animals who've fallen on hard times. That being said, Alex being the showman he is cannot stand this effrontery to fabulousness! Him and his crew do his best to spruce up the circus all in order to get back to New York City, and it. Is. Awesome!
What I really like about this movie is how they show the progression of these characters, with the introduction of these shallow, spoiled animals getting tossed out of their comfort zone, with most character growth happening in the 2nd movie, and all the payoff from the previous 2 films culminating in the most well-rounded characters who are still quite funny.
Overall, this film is the last layer on the Madagascar cake and it is delicious.

Hard to believe such a memetastic, earwormy song was ad-libbed. Mad props Chris Rock.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Equestria Girls

Usually when a work of fiction that has nothing to do with high school takes their characters to high school, it usually bombs. Notable examples include
"Shrek the Third," "The Emperor's New School," and arguably "Power Rangers Dino Thunder."
Such was not the case, for the 4th generation My Little Pony movie "Equestria Girls."
Despite the gates of hate being opened full force for the ending of the 3rd season, this story picks up on it with Twilight Sparkle's insecurity at being a "princess." Which ties in perfectly for the main villain of this flick, Sunset Shimmer...who is like Twilight in almost every way except for the fact that Celestia didn't pick her as favorite student, which makes her steal the magical crown of Magic (element of harmony) from Twilight and plunge into a magic mirror to escape. Only Twilight and Spike go into mystery world and find out it just leads to an alternate universe where almost everyone is a teenage high schooler...even the grade school fillies from Ponyville? Ok...
As she adjusts to her new body and (demoted?) station in life, Twilight also does what she does in the show, which is solve friendship problems with the AU other main characters. Which works out fine but then it turns out her magic crown is the the prize in some sort of prom for the high school. With Sunset Shimmer being the mean queen of the school, it's up to Twilight to pull a Kamen Rider Fourze and befriend everyone in the school for the fate of both worlds.
The haterstorm and outcries of the franchise being "ruined forever" was humongous for this film. But surprisingly, it did MUCH better than anticipated. The characters, despite being "humans" (I say "humans" because they've got the same skin colors and hairstyles as their pony counterparts as well as names that would never actually be a human's name.) stay true to form and if you liked the show, you'll like their personas here. Even the cliche'd "now in high school" tropes are downplayed since Twilight never actually goes to class and the shallow love interest seemed more like her acquiring a new friend with potential crush rather than there being actual drama. The jokes don't get old, it's fun to see our favorite (main, minor, background or otherwise) characters as people, and the songs are almost as good as the show's random songy outbursts (with one being as good as any anime opening sequence and was stuck in my head for at least 6 days straight.).
Overall, if you're a fan of "Friendship is Magic" this is a good movie to watch. This show has proven time and again that they're capable of taking horrible ideas and actually pulling off a great product. They've do this stuff with boldness and, so far, nothing really bad has come from it.

Surprisingly, Spike is vital to the plot as well as he is essentially what keeps Twilight sane in this world.

The Great Gatsby (2013)

F. Scott Fitzgerald probably had a vision when he penned his famous book read by middle-to-high schoolers everywhere, The Great Gatsby.
It probably didn't involve wild and crazy parties inspired by the current club scene and his doppelganger writing this story in Arkham Asylum.
Which pretty much sums up the version that Baz Lehrman, of "Moulin Rouge" fame, has done.
Toby Maguire is a new guy in 1920s New York hoping to strike it rich in the big city. His enigmatic neighbor, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, uses his help to try to get back in the good graces of his cousin, Daisy. Only one problem: she's already married to a wealthy bloke. So it's an uphill battle as Toby Maguire, along with the audience, watches this "great" Gatsby try to woo a woman who's technically already spoken for. 
This film was hyped up so much as a great revision of a classic. As with many of the Baz Lehrman movies I've seen, this is BIG on spectacle. Every shot is so artistic and great to look at that you forget the story and feel like it's a kind of a fun ride! Then the drama starts and the fun ceases quite abruptly.
As was mentioned before, Leonardo DiCaprio's character is a mysterious loner who, while letting thousands invade his house every weekend for funtimes, nobody's actually seen. That is until he reveals himself to Toby and pretty much treats him like a BFF from then on. And while he is portrayed as a suave, cool-headed, mystery man, that illusion is broken pretty quickly as the film progresses. Toby Maguire first introduces him to his present-day therapist as "the most hopeful man he's ever known." Uh nope. There is a fine line between hopeful and delusional and Gatsby takes a flying leap across it. It really doesn't help that the Daisy character leads him on but at the same time doesn't even really know what she wants herself. The husband's having an affair anyway and everybody knows it. Does she get with Gatsby not only because of past affections but because of retaliation and revenge? Who knows really?
Overall, the movie has great atmosphere, music, and visuals, but falls a little on the flat side when it comes to well-developed characters and plot.

Huh...one for the conspiracy nuts.

Man of Steel

...
"Man of Steel"
...
Unacceptable! (As a further note, Lemongrab is my LEAST liked character in the entirety of "Adventure Time" but the anger and screechiness is perfect for conveying my feelings)
Instead I shall simply recommend some BETTER stories involving Superman growing up and saving the world in his debut.


Superman Earth One
This one shows what happens when there's a more modern take on young Clark Kent trying to find his way in the world. Ironically (because similar to "Man of Steel), a dude from the same solar system as Krypton has been searching for the last survivor of Krypton because of racism and stuff...and of course all of Earth is in trouble unless Clark turns himself in.
He does. And fights. And loses.
Then supporting cast actually does stuff to help.
Morale boosted.
Fight resumes and victorious.
Goes to work for the Daily Planet with the hot scoop on this Superman guy.
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."

Superman Birthright
Again, this one shows an early Clark Kent trying to figure out his place in the world by going around the world and helping people in secret. Cut to his Metropolis days and Lex Luthor's causing trouble again with Superman saving Lois from disaster. Lex takes the opportunity to spin the public's opinion of this new "alien menace" almost as well as J. Jonah Jameson, and even succeeds a little with the right props from Krypton. Of course, Superman being who he is, saves people from the power-mad ruffians with the Kryptonian stuff, making everyone believe he is the superHERO!
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."

Superman Secret Origin
Not only do we show boy Clark finding himself wondering what his place in the world is, but cameos from the League of Superheroes from the 31st century tell him "You're going to be awesome. Keep up the good work." When Clark goes to Metropolis, we get Luthor stirring up trouble again with some kind of genetic enhancements lottery. When one goes wrong and becomes the Parasite, Superman debuts and saves the day! Then there's Metallo and that punk goes down almost as easily. I really recommend this one to the movie crowd because, well, the way he's drawn makes him look very much like Christopher Reeves did in his on-screen persona as the Man of Steel. The rest of the art's very cool too and I like how they also give some backstory to some classic Superman villains.
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."

The first three episodes of the animated series from Kids WB.
Episode 1: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
Here we have a much more inventive (and color-filled!) vision of Krypton before it go boom. The people, the dress, the wildlife, the government, the reasons for its demise, it's all so much better handled than "Man of Steel."
Episode 2: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
Excellently done Smallville scenes of Clark discovering who he is, introduction to the Metropolis crowd, and Superman SAVING THE CITIZENS!
Episode 3: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
More shenanigans involving how Superman (as Clark too) interacts with all his supporting cast and with bad guys. Sets a good ending tone for "and so the adventure continues"...unlike what "Man of Steel" did which gives us a wink and a nudge saying that this is Clark's new normal now.
Overall, not only is it 80% cooler than "Man of Steel," but all those fragments of show combined has half the running time of "Man of Steel!" If that's still too long for you, have a Nostalgia Critic episode clocking in at 20 minutes.

So really dudes, do yourself a favor and NOT watch "Man of Steel."
You still can to say you have, but as I've just listed above, there are so many better ways you can spend your time with Superman.

For some (spoilery) fun at the expense of this uncool movie, click here.

This was my parents' main problem with the movie: Superman saving absolutely nobody while stuff gets destroyed around him.

Iron Man 3

So after the superhero-y goodness that was "The Avengers," what do you do for a follow-up act?
Why, the continuing saga of Tony Stark, the charismatic, snarky, smart-guy who can build cool things in a cave...with a box of scraps!
"Iron Man 3" sadly does not fall under the short list of movies that comprise of 3rd installments in trilogies that are good, but this film does what it can to wrap things up as tidily as it can.
The story starts when Tony Stark, now plagued with semi-insomnia because every time he tries to sleep he flashbacks to the time he almost died in a wormhole to outer space, vows revenge against a terrorist that had been causing quite a stir in the world (well at least after "the Avengers") after he orchestrated an attack in front of the famous Chinese theater in LA. Going after the movie industry? You've gone too far terrorist scum!
Then out of nowhere, Tony challenges the terrorist, known as the Mandarin, despite him not even being any kind of Asian, for a showdown at his home...where his live-in girlfriend lives...oops. After narrowly escaping with his life, then he has to slum it low-tech in a sleepy little town in the middle of the US, trying to piece together the mystery of the exploding minions, to get over his PTSD, AND fight off maniacs who want to (possibly?) kill him. This leads up to him McGyvering up a way to the enemy stronghold...leading to disappointment and a reveal of an even bigger bad. From then, there's a great many action scenes of increasing scope and impressiveness leading to a climax of many many Iron Man suits responding to the call of Gondor, erm, Tony Stark.
Let's take a step back now shall we? It's the summer of 2008. Both "Iron Man" and "The Dark Knight" are duking it out in the theaters. Such thoughts can be summed up in this video. Now we fast forward to the present and it seems like the 3rd installment in both franchises are still duking it out...granted "Dark Knight Rises" was released earlier this time, there are a whole lot of parallels that can be drawn here. And while "Dark Knight Rises" is not a perfect movie, I feel like there are aspects of it that were done there that were much better than what was accomplished in "Iron Man 3."
With that said, while it is a pretty poor movie, I CAN say that Robert D. Jr. still pulls of his classic charisma and wit in almost any scene he's in. The effects are stunning as are usual and the sight of an army of Iron Man suits is like a iron-gloved slap of happy. While I don't doubt the money-making juggernaut of Marvel to find a way to make more sequels, the ending makes it seem pretty final...which is dumb since we already know that there's an Avengers 2 in the works. So really, all we can do is wait and see what the future holds for our favorite billionaire playboy philanthropist.

That's adorable Loki.

Star Trek Into Darkness

If you know anything about the previous Star Trek movies, you'll know that most people consider "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" to not only be the best Star Trek movie of the franchise, but the best movie thematically ever.
That being said, does JJ Abrams' 2nd movie about the crew of the USS Enterprise make Trekkie, critic, and casual summer-blockbuster-movie-goer alike flail about in glee?
Take a trek...a Star Trek...Into Darkness...of a movie theater...

A British terrorist has not only waged on Starfleet itself, but made it personal when one of his victims is someone close to Captain Kirk. So the crew is sent on what could only be interpreted as a "black ops" mission to kill this dude and bring peace to the universe.
...
Nope. The Enterprise crew come across a massive conspiracy involving Starfleet and the evil Brit, and only they can stop it from coming to full fruition. Along the way, humor, action, high-speed chases, pathos, and moral dilemmas pop up to beleaguer Kirk, Spock, Scotty, Uhura, Bones, Sulu and the rest.

Coming from someone with only a passing knowledge of the Star Trek universe and mythos, I can honestly say that this film is greatness. It can enrapture you with the superb acting, the atmosphere from the settings these characters inhabit, and the enjoyability of each character interacting with and playing off each other. Of particular note is the terrorist John Harrison, played by Benedict Cumberbatch, as he plays one of the most competent villains I've seen in any movie. He has the chilling, sophisticated evil that is exhibited by such villains such as Hannibal Lecter, Maleficent, and, in some incarnations, Ra's Al Ghul. At the same time, he can handle himself in a fight, with such a maniacal, ferocious, pants-wetting scariness.  We are also shown his capacity for honor and reason, but at the same time, we see he's also a horrible back-stabber. No doubt he stole the show.
Aside from the characters, the grandness of space is again fully realized in this film, despite so few scenes actually being in space or alien planets (most of the action is on the ship). The humor is a bit hit-or-miss, with most of the laugh-out-loud moments coming from either the dry delivery of Zachary Quinto's Spock or Simon Pegg's Scotty antics.
Overall, great film, and definitely one to see if you're itching for a good action flick for Trekkie and casual movie-goer at the same time...although a couple of scenes might rub true die-hard Trekkie the wrong way...like REALLY wrong.

To sum up the villain, he's what happens when you mix this:

 with the ferocity of this