When Hollywood starts to scrape the bottom of the barrel for action flicks, they go back to the days of the early TV. With that we get "The Green Hornet," which was a terrible movie. Logically then, if Hollywood were to go even farther back, to radio days, to make their big budget action blockbuster, the movie would be even worse.
Thankfully, with Disney and Gore Verbinsky at the helm, we get "The Lone Ranger."
Lawyer John Reid goes home to Texas to be a DA. His brother is the local Texas Ranger and deputizes him to hunt down a missing outlaw. On the way to doing that however, him and his posse get ambushed and slaughtered. Enter Captain Jack Sparrow, I mean Tonto, and along with a somewhat-sacred-to-Indians horse, revives John...apparently we're going with "Princess Bride" logic about the stages of dead. With new life and a new partner, John now seeks justice/revenge for his brother.
With that incredibly wordy synopsis out of the way, let's just say what this movie really is:
"Pirates of the Caribbean" set in the Ol' West.
There are so many parallels and similarities between the two films, that really it's not a far stretch to call them essentially the same movie. A kooky dude from another culture ropes an everyday unlucky dude into an adventure involving guns, explosions, conspiracies, unrequited old loves, weird-acting animals, cranky prostitutes, tragic loss of family, and big epic showdowns aboard moving vessels.
But is this necessarily a bad thing? Nope!
"Pirates of the Caribbean," no matter how convoluted, unnecessarily oddball, and fraught with love triangle nonsense it may be, is still a darn good film series, with the first "Curse of the Black Pearl" being one of my personal favorites. I can say with much confidence that if you liked any of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies, you will like this revisioning of the "Lone Ranger." By no means is it a perfect movie though, with weirdness from Johnny Depp's character likely to raise some eyebrows, and the Lone Ranger himself being an incompetent buffoon not unlike Seth Rogan's character from "The Green Hornet" for about 2/3 of the movie. However, the visuals, the action, the setting, and hitting all the right mythology gags make this a grand big budget action flick.
And even though I mentioned that they hit all the right "Lone Ranger" references, I am slightly saddened that this was never brought up:
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
Very rarely does an animated trilogy do well...normally it's either the first installment trying out the waters, the 2nd one trying to recreate the magic of the first, or the 3rd one failing miserably to do either.
However, such is not the case for the Madagascar trilogy from Dreamworks. Each of the films was delightfully funny, throwing their characters into the oddest and funniest of situations, with the 3rd installment "Europe's Most Wanted," garnering the most laughs and the most spectacle out of all the other films.
It picks up pretty much where the last one left off with the New York zoo animals waiting for the penguins to come back in their crazy monkey-powered plane from Morocco with gambling winnings. Getting fed up with waiting, they decide to go their themselves to pick the nutty penguins up.
This goes about as well as expected.
Hijinks ensue and one of THE funniest chase sequences I've ever seen is done with our protagonists and the head of the animal control police (which is essentially what happens when you mix the Terminator with the animal-trapping guy from "Over the Hedge"...but absolutely nothing pathetic about her!).
Since they're now on the lamb, they seek refuge with a bunch of circus animals who've fallen on hard times. That being said, Alex being the showman he is cannot stand this effrontery to fabulousness! Him and his crew do his best to spruce up the circus all in order to get back to New York City, and it. Is. Awesome!
What I really like about this movie is how they show the progression of these characters, with the introduction of these shallow, spoiled animals getting tossed out of their comfort zone, with most character growth happening in the 2nd movie, and all the payoff from the previous 2 films culminating in the most well-rounded characters who are still quite funny.
Overall, this film is the last layer on the Madagascar cake and it is delicious.
Hard to believe such a memetastic, earwormy song was ad-libbed. Mad props Chris Rock.
However, such is not the case for the Madagascar trilogy from Dreamworks. Each of the films was delightfully funny, throwing their characters into the oddest and funniest of situations, with the 3rd installment "Europe's Most Wanted," garnering the most laughs and the most spectacle out of all the other films.
It picks up pretty much where the last one left off with the New York zoo animals waiting for the penguins to come back in their crazy monkey-powered plane from Morocco with gambling winnings. Getting fed up with waiting, they decide to go their themselves to pick the nutty penguins up.
This goes about as well as expected.
Hijinks ensue and one of THE funniest chase sequences I've ever seen is done with our protagonists and the head of the animal control police (which is essentially what happens when you mix the Terminator with the animal-trapping guy from "Over the Hedge"...but absolutely nothing pathetic about her!).
Since they're now on the lamb, they seek refuge with a bunch of circus animals who've fallen on hard times. That being said, Alex being the showman he is cannot stand this effrontery to fabulousness! Him and his crew do his best to spruce up the circus all in order to get back to New York City, and it. Is. Awesome!
What I really like about this movie is how they show the progression of these characters, with the introduction of these shallow, spoiled animals getting tossed out of their comfort zone, with most character growth happening in the 2nd movie, and all the payoff from the previous 2 films culminating in the most well-rounded characters who are still quite funny.
Overall, this film is the last layer on the Madagascar cake and it is delicious.
Hard to believe such a memetastic, earwormy song was ad-libbed. Mad props Chris Rock.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Equestria Girls
Usually when a work of fiction that has nothing to do with high school takes their characters to high school, it usually bombs. Notable examples include
"Shrek the Third," "The Emperor's New School," and arguably "Power Rangers Dino Thunder."
Such was not the case, for the 4th generation My Little Pony movie "Equestria Girls."
Despite the gates of hate being opened full force for the ending of the 3rd season, this story picks up on it with Twilight Sparkle's insecurity at being a "princess." Which ties in perfectly for the main villain of this flick, Sunset Shimmer...who is like Twilight in almost every way except for the fact that Celestia didn't pick her as favorite student, which makes her steal the magical crown of Magic (element of harmony) from Twilight and plunge into a magic mirror to escape. Only Twilight and Spike go into mystery world and find out it just leads to an alternate universe where almost everyone is a teenage high schooler...even the grade school fillies from Ponyville? Ok...
As she adjusts to her new body and (demoted?) station in life, Twilight also does what she does in the show, which is solve friendship problems with the AU other main characters. Which works out fine but then it turns out her magic crown is the the prize in some sort of prom for the high school. With Sunset Shimmer being the mean queen of the school, it's up to Twilight to pull a Kamen Rider Fourze and befriend everyone in the school for the fate of both worlds.
The haterstorm and outcries of the franchise being "ruined forever" was humongous for this film. But surprisingly, it did MUCH better than anticipated. The characters, despite being "humans" (I say "humans" because they've got the same skin colors and hairstyles as their pony counterparts as well as names that would never actually be a human's name.) stay true to form and if you liked the show, you'll like their personas here. Even the cliche'd "now in high school" tropes are downplayed since Twilight never actually goes to class and the shallow love interest seemed more like her acquiring a new friend with potential crush rather than there being actual drama. The jokes don't get old, it's fun to see our favorite (main, minor, background or otherwise) characters as people, and the songs are almost as good as the show's random songy outbursts (with one being as good as any anime opening sequence and was stuck in my head for at least 6 days straight.).
Overall, if you're a fan of "Friendship is Magic" this is a good movie to watch. This show has proven time and again that they're capable of taking horrible ideas and actually pulling off a great product. They've do this stuff with boldness and, so far, nothing really bad has come from it.
"Shrek the Third," "The Emperor's New School," and arguably "Power Rangers Dino Thunder."
Such was not the case, for the 4th generation My Little Pony movie "Equestria Girls."
Despite the gates of hate being opened full force for the ending of the 3rd season, this story picks up on it with Twilight Sparkle's insecurity at being a "princess." Which ties in perfectly for the main villain of this flick, Sunset Shimmer...who is like Twilight in almost every way except for the fact that Celestia didn't pick her as favorite student, which makes her steal the magical crown of Magic (element of harmony) from Twilight and plunge into a magic mirror to escape. Only Twilight and Spike go into mystery world and find out it just leads to an alternate universe where almost everyone is a teenage high schooler...even the grade school fillies from Ponyville? Ok...
As she adjusts to her new body and (demoted?) station in life, Twilight also does what she does in the show, which is solve friendship problems with the AU other main characters. Which works out fine but then it turns out her magic crown is the the prize in some sort of prom for the high school. With Sunset Shimmer being the mean queen of the school, it's up to Twilight to pull a Kamen Rider Fourze and befriend everyone in the school for the fate of both worlds.
The haterstorm and outcries of the franchise being "ruined forever" was humongous for this film. But surprisingly, it did MUCH better than anticipated. The characters, despite being "humans" (I say "humans" because they've got the same skin colors and hairstyles as their pony counterparts as well as names that would never actually be a human's name.) stay true to form and if you liked the show, you'll like their personas here. Even the cliche'd "now in high school" tropes are downplayed since Twilight never actually goes to class and the shallow love interest seemed more like her acquiring a new friend with potential crush rather than there being actual drama. The jokes don't get old, it's fun to see our favorite (main, minor, background or otherwise) characters as people, and the songs are almost as good as the show's random songy outbursts (with one being as good as any anime opening sequence and was stuck in my head for at least 6 days straight.).
Overall, if you're a fan of "Friendship is Magic" this is a good movie to watch. This show has proven time and again that they're capable of taking horrible ideas and actually pulling off a great product. They've do this stuff with boldness and, so far, nothing really bad has come from it.
 |
| Surprisingly, Spike is vital to the plot as well as he is essentially what keeps Twilight sane in this world. |
Thursday, July 18, 2013
The Great Gatsby (2013)
F. Scott Fitzgerald probably had a vision when he penned his famous book read by middle-to-high schoolers everywhere, The Great Gatsby.
It probably didn't involve wild and crazy parties inspired by the current club scene and his doppelganger writing this story in Arkham Asylum.
Which pretty much sums up the version that Baz Lehrman, of "Moulin Rouge" fame, has done.
Toby Maguire is a new guy in 1920s New York hoping to strike it rich in the big city. His enigmatic neighbor, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, uses his help to try to get back in the good graces of his cousin, Daisy. Only one problem: she's already married to a wealthy bloke. So it's an uphill battle as Toby Maguire, along with the audience, watches this "great" Gatsby try to woo a woman who's technically already spoken for.
This film was hyped up so much as a great revision of a classic. As with many of the Baz Lehrman movies I've seen, this is BIG on spectacle. Every shot is so artistic and great to look at that you forget the story and feel like it's a kind of a fun ride! Then the drama starts and the fun ceases quite abruptly.
As was mentioned before, Leonardo DiCaprio's character is a mysterious loner who, while letting thousands invade his house every weekend for funtimes, nobody's actually seen. That is until he reveals himself to Toby and pretty much treats him like a BFF from then on. And while he is portrayed as a suave, cool-headed, mystery man, that illusion is broken pretty quickly as the film progresses. Toby Maguire first introduces him to his present-day therapist as "the most hopeful man he's ever known." Uh nope. There is a fine line between hopeful and delusional and Gatsby takes a flying leap across it. It really doesn't help that the Daisy character leads him on but at the same time doesn't even really know what she wants herself. The husband's having an affair anyway and everybody knows it. Does she get with Gatsby not only because of past affections but because of retaliation and revenge? Who knows really?
Overall, the movie has great atmosphere, music, and visuals, but falls a little on the flat side when it comes to well-developed characters and plot.
It probably didn't involve wild and crazy parties inspired by the current club scene and his doppelganger writing this story in Arkham Asylum.
Which pretty much sums up the version that Baz Lehrman, of "Moulin Rouge" fame, has done.
Toby Maguire is a new guy in 1920s New York hoping to strike it rich in the big city. His enigmatic neighbor, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, uses his help to try to get back in the good graces of his cousin, Daisy. Only one problem: she's already married to a wealthy bloke. So it's an uphill battle as Toby Maguire, along with the audience, watches this "great" Gatsby try to woo a woman who's technically already spoken for.
This film was hyped up so much as a great revision of a classic. As with many of the Baz Lehrman movies I've seen, this is BIG on spectacle. Every shot is so artistic and great to look at that you forget the story and feel like it's a kind of a fun ride! Then the drama starts and the fun ceases quite abruptly.
As was mentioned before, Leonardo DiCaprio's character is a mysterious loner who, while letting thousands invade his house every weekend for funtimes, nobody's actually seen. That is until he reveals himself to Toby and pretty much treats him like a BFF from then on. And while he is portrayed as a suave, cool-headed, mystery man, that illusion is broken pretty quickly as the film progresses. Toby Maguire first introduces him to his present-day therapist as "the most hopeful man he's ever known." Uh nope. There is a fine line between hopeful and delusional and Gatsby takes a flying leap across it. It really doesn't help that the Daisy character leads him on but at the same time doesn't even really know what she wants herself. The husband's having an affair anyway and everybody knows it. Does she get with Gatsby not only because of past affections but because of retaliation and revenge? Who knows really?
Overall, the movie has great atmosphere, music, and visuals, but falls a little on the flat side when it comes to well-developed characters and plot.
 |
| Huh...one for the conspiracy nuts. |
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Man of Steel
...
"Man of Steel"
...
Unacceptable! (As a further note, Lemongrab is my LEAST liked character in the entirety of "Adventure Time" but the anger and screechiness is perfect for conveying my feelings)
Instead I shall simply recommend some BETTER stories involving Superman growing up and saving the world in his debut.
Superman Earth One
This one shows what happens when there's a more modern take on young Clark Kent trying to find his way in the world. Ironically (because similar to "Man of Steel), a dude from the same solar system as Krypton has been searching for the last survivor of Krypton because of racism and stuff...and of course all of Earth is in trouble unless Clark turns himself in.
He does. And fights. And loses.
Then supporting cast actually does stuff to help.
Morale boosted.
Fight resumes and victorious.
Goes to work for the Daily Planet with the hot scoop on this Superman guy.
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."
Superman Birthright
Again, this one shows an early Clark Kent trying to figure out his place in the world by going around the world and helping people in secret. Cut to his Metropolis days and Lex Luthor's causing trouble again with Superman saving Lois from disaster. Lex takes the opportunity to spin the public's opinion of this new "alien menace" almost as well as J. Jonah Jameson, and even succeeds a little with the right props from Krypton. Of course, Superman being who he is, saves people from the power-mad ruffians with the Kryptonian stuff, making everyone believe he is the superHERO!
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."
Superman Secret Origin
Not only do we show boy Clark finding himself wondering what his place in the world is, but cameos from the League of Superheroes from the 31st century tell him "You're going to be awesome. Keep up the good work." When Clark goes to Metropolis, we get Luthor stirring up trouble again with some kind of genetic enhancements lottery. When one goes wrong and becomes the Parasite, Superman debuts and saves the day! Then there's Metallo and that punk goes down almost as easily. I really recommend this one to the movie crowd because, well, the way he's drawn makes him look very much like Christopher Reeves did in his on-screen persona as the Man of Steel. The rest of the art's very cool too and I like how they also give some backstory to some classic Superman villains.
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."
The first three episodes of the animated series from Kids WB.
Episode 1: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
Here we have a much more inventive (and color-filled!) vision of Krypton before it go boom. The people, the dress, the wildlife, the government, the reasons for its demise, it's all so much better handled than "Man of Steel."
Episode 2: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
Excellently done Smallville scenes of Clark discovering who he is, introduction to the Metropolis crowd, and Superman SAVING THE CITIZENS!
Episode 3: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
More shenanigans involving how Superman (as Clark too) interacts with all his supporting cast and with bad guys. Sets a good ending tone for "and so the adventure continues"...unlike what "Man of Steel" did which gives us a wink and a nudge saying that this is Clark's new normal now.
Overall, not only is it 80% cooler than "Man of Steel," but all those fragments of show combined has half the running time of "Man of Steel!" If that's still too long for you, have a Nostalgia Critic episode clocking in at 20 minutes.
So really dudes, do yourself a favor and NOT watch "Man of Steel."
You still can to say you have, but as I've just listed above, there are so many better ways you can spend your time with Superman.
For some (spoilery) fun at the expense of this uncool movie, click here.
"Man of Steel"
...
Unacceptable! (As a further note, Lemongrab is my LEAST liked character in the entirety of "Adventure Time" but the anger and screechiness is perfect for conveying my feelings)
Instead I shall simply recommend some BETTER stories involving Superman growing up and saving the world in his debut.
Superman Earth One
This one shows what happens when there's a more modern take on young Clark Kent trying to find his way in the world. Ironically (because similar to "Man of Steel), a dude from the same solar system as Krypton has been searching for the last survivor of Krypton because of racism and stuff...and of course all of Earth is in trouble unless Clark turns himself in.
He does. And fights. And loses.
Then supporting cast actually does stuff to help.
Morale boosted.
Fight resumes and victorious.
Goes to work for the Daily Planet with the hot scoop on this Superman guy.
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."
Superman Birthright
Again, this one shows an early Clark Kent trying to figure out his place in the world by going around the world and helping people in secret. Cut to his Metropolis days and Lex Luthor's causing trouble again with Superman saving Lois from disaster. Lex takes the opportunity to spin the public's opinion of this new "alien menace" almost as well as J. Jonah Jameson, and even succeeds a little with the right props from Krypton. Of course, Superman being who he is, saves people from the power-mad ruffians with the Kryptonian stuff, making everyone believe he is the superHERO!
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."
Superman Secret Origin
Not only do we show boy Clark finding himself wondering what his place in the world is, but cameos from the League of Superheroes from the 31st century tell him "You're going to be awesome. Keep up the good work." When Clark goes to Metropolis, we get Luthor stirring up trouble again with some kind of genetic enhancements lottery. When one goes wrong and becomes the Parasite, Superman debuts and saves the day! Then there's Metallo and that punk goes down almost as easily. I really recommend this one to the movie crowd because, well, the way he's drawn makes him look very much like Christopher Reeves did in his on-screen persona as the Man of Steel. The rest of the art's very cool too and I like how they also give some backstory to some classic Superman villains.
Overall, 80% cooler than "Man of Steel."
The first three episodes of the animated series from Kids WB.
Episode 1: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
Here we have a much more inventive (and color-filled!) vision of Krypton before it go boom. The people, the dress, the wildlife, the government, the reasons for its demise, it's all so much better handled than "Man of Steel."
Episode 2: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
Excellently done Smallville scenes of Clark discovering who he is, introduction to the Metropolis crowd, and Superman SAVING THE CITIZENS!
Episode 3: Part A, Part B, Part C, Part D, Part E
More shenanigans involving how Superman (as Clark too) interacts with all his supporting cast and with bad guys. Sets a good ending tone for "and so the adventure continues"...unlike what "Man of Steel" did which gives us a wink and a nudge saying that this is Clark's new normal now.
Overall, not only is it 80% cooler than "Man of Steel," but all those fragments of show combined has half the running time of "Man of Steel!" If that's still too long for you, have a Nostalgia Critic episode clocking in at 20 minutes.
So really dudes, do yourself a favor and NOT watch "Man of Steel."
You still can to say you have, but as I've just listed above, there are so many better ways you can spend your time with Superman.
For some (spoilery) fun at the expense of this uncool movie, click here.
 |
| This was my parents' main problem with the movie: Superman saving absolutely nobody while stuff gets destroyed around him. |
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