Keep Calm and watch movies in 2017

La La Land
Think back. When was the last time Hollywood tried to bedazzle you with a legit song and dance picture? That wasn't a delusion or parody? And that WASN'T an animated feature?
Hard to say eh? I guess that's why critics and casuals alike are giving such rave reviews to "La La Land," the bittersweet tale of two ambitious artists who find each other while finding their true calling.
Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling give the audience such a grand chemistry experiment that I'm surprised they didn't hand out safety goggles in the theater. Not only do their sparks fly in more ways than one, but their singing and their choreography are sure to please more than just the show choir enthusiasts.
And while there are some who decry the ridiculous nature of the whole genre, I believe this film delivers heartfelt acting along with the camp and riveting dialogue along with the wondrous music.
Go see it. Try not to tap your foot too much on the way out.

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here. 
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Honestly, I would not be opposed to La La Land getting best picture...

Hell or High Water
"Hell or High Water" can best be summed up as a movie about family, camaraderie, the desire to right wrongs (both criminal and sticking-it-to-the-man types), and how many playful insults can you hurl at your friend/brother that would be downright horrible if they weren't that close.
Also, Mr. Pibb is absolutely NOT Dr. Pepper. Every Texan knows that.

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.

LEGO Batman movie
WB animation knocks it out of the park again with their tongue-in-cheek, super referential, and all around juvenile-yet-not-insultingly-childish hilariousness with the "LEGO Batman movie."
I could go on a spiel about how this has its theme firmly rooted in family and how everything is cool when you're part of a team, but I'll just list a bunch of enjoyable stuff
1. The return of more obscure C-list villains like Egghead and Condiment King
2. The jab at Killer Croc's minimal role in "Suicide Squad."
3. The return of those trained penguins from "Batman Returns."
4. "Iron Man sucks!"
5. Finally figuring out where that Joker line "you complete me" came from with actual footage.
6. A merging of the Super Friends AND the Justice League characters (both classic and New52)
7. EXTERMINATE - British Robots...ask your nerd friends
8. Gremlins on a plane.
9. Lawyer-friendly Godzilla destroying the Eye of Sauron
10. "We will be the Joker's reckoning" - Bane
11. 30 minute head start for the villains.

For people who still want to learn more about those weirdo obscure villains who were "probably worth the Google."

Nine Lives
Well, despite misgivings about how it's still totally a movie with a story cliched all up the wazoo, at least "Nine Lives" starring Kevin Spacey had the courtesy to have a fair amount of actual cats doing stunts and trained stuff instead of throwing horrible CGI monstrosities at the screen for the entire duration of the movie.
Also, actors from "The Flash" show up and that's pretty cool seeing them in other roles. 

The Accountant
It's been said that the deadliest warriors are the ones that can hide in plain sight; ninjas, assassins, accountants, serial killers etc.
...
Yes, Ben Affleck is "the Accountant" and while it is a super non-threatening title, this guy is as lethal as any James Bond, John Wicke, or any other professional asskicker.
What makes the movie are the layers of characterization to each of the characters introduced. The title character himself is on the autistic spectrum and Ben Affleck plays it very well. While it may seem off and different, his character is actually hyper-competent at most anything he puts his mind to except social interaction. Rounding out the cast are some big name stars like State Farm Band Teacher Airbender, Pitch Perfect's Little Sister of Scott Pilgrim, Lord Farquad of the Progresso Soup, and the Transparent.
Like so many things, he is not what he seems on the outside, but what is inside that counts; a diamond in the rough.
Highly enjoyable action thriller with the most mundane of titles to give to their superhero.

Arrival
How often does a movie treat the idea of aliens coming from the stars with a sense of majesty without terror and with curiosity instead of foreboding?
"Arrival" dares to show an exchange between humanity and ETs not rife with bang-bang-bang and pew-pew-pew, but with more ME-TARZAN-YOU-JANE.
What really struck me was that for the most part, most of the benevolent interactions with aliens in cinema are usually from the trend of the kids finding the space critter and befriending them. When it comes to aliens and grown-ups however, it's ALWAYS the military in a tizzy and the aliens either befuddled and attacking in retaliation, or the aliens coming in guns blazing and humanity having to take a stand.
Here, this movie has Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner doing their best to communicate with the giant squid creatures who communicate in literal moon runes like civilized adults.
So maybe that's the underlying reason why this weird little sci-fi flick became nominated for an Oscar: it emphasizes communication rather than aggression. To try the long-term relationship game and not assume the worst about the scary-lookin' people are important lessons to convey through Teacher McMovie.
Frankly, it is not phenomenal and it is slow and scoreless at times, but it is worth watching if only to see it as this century's take on "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." 

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.

Not Amy Adam's first time trying to relate to an ET

The BFG

In light of all the Disney successes at the box office last year, it's surely baffling that something like "The BFG" could fall as flat as it did.
Spielberg and Disney coming together to bring to life a Roald Dahl classic should've been a great thing, but aside from moments of visual whimsy, the characters and pacing just didn't work right. To pad out the story some more they threw in another bit about a previous friend for the big guy before Sophie and they rewrote the ending. And honestly, it all felt so off-putting. Something about the original story, while still full of made-up words and the right kind of magical-meets-the-mundane, never really felt like it could lend itself properly to be adapted the big screen and now I know why: it's purely supposed to be read to kids and to let their imaginations run wild, like it was for me in 5th grade.
So maybe I'm not the target audience anymore but it was worth seeing for me to have another one of Roald Dahl's great stories be back in the limelight for a bit.

Yes, even the Queen's corgis were a part of that scene involving the drink with the bubbles that went down...

Hail Caesar
While I appreciate that "Hail Caesar" tries and tries to recapture some of the magic of old Hollywood in a hilarious romp filled with stars...SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST WATCH?!
Following Josh Brolin pop in and out of different movie sets as a damage control guy is not entertaining. It is a disjointed mess and some of the celebrities featured just have one or two scenes before they're never seen again. They also have George Clooney sitting in with his commie kidnappers as they explain rather poorly why their viewpoint is superior and how am I supposed to react to that?
Ridiculous, uninteresting, and its only shining moment is Channing Tatum in a swell little tap-dance number.

Logan
So how do you adapt to film a story which features an old Wolverine and a blind Hawkeye taking a road trip across a villain-ruled United States which feature hillbilly Hulks, the Venom Symbiote on a T-Rex, and President Red Skull wearing the Captain America costume like an ancient savage wearing the skin of his enemy?
Quite simply, you don't. You change the story up so it's still an old Wolverine but now he's taking care of his preteen girl clone as they run from the goons who made her. And senile Patrick Stewart is along for the ride too!
But that's what they say happened in "Logan," 20th Century Fox's next foray into making their comic book movies be edgy but not so grimdark as to be completely devoid of important things like personalities and color.
Set in the far future where Mutantkind has all but been eradicated, the Wolverine finds himself taking simple chauffeuring jobs while he takes care of an ailing Patrick Stewart. That all changes when he is tasked with escorting a young girl to a supposed Mutant haven up north. Thus, their little dysfunctional family of three is on the run from the shady corporation who was tasked with creating this living weapon, as the two old dudes have to teach her how to live as both a person and as a hero.
While the main gripe I really have is that this neither has a plethora of X-men to use, nor follow its comic story, the small and intimate cast very rarely is a bad idea. You get to see the wonderful onscreen chemistry between the old man and the older man who's like a father to him, the old man and the little girl who's pretty much a tiny Spanish-speaking version of him, and the old man to the nice family who takes them in for the night. In that light, it's also similar to a Western with the lone warrior, bitter and weary from the world, finds a new purpose and tries to go for one last ride
That being said however, the no good varmints who are mucking up his life aren't anything really to write home about. And once they've established cloning is a thing, that also means a distinct lack of creativity with a feigned attempt at being poetic for a final battle.
But absolutely recommend if not for Hugh Jackman's finest hours as this character and the brutality of it all since it fully embraces that R rating like Deadpool did the year before.

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here. 

And for good measure about the finality of it all, have a Les Miserables parody

Power Rangers (2017)
Imagine, if you will, that somebody's only exposure to Batman was "that weird time in 66" with campy Adam West and Burt Ward. Now imagine, that same person was shown the Burton or Nolan movies.
That's essentially how I felt watching the "Power Rangers" movie.
With a more modern take on the 90s superheroes loosely based on a nearly 40 year old Japanese superhero franchise, there were bound to be changes. For the most part, those changes were for good. The main characters were crafted to not only be more "Breakfast Club" -ish, but they have their own foibles and faults which make them seem more like real humans instead of paragons of do-goodery like in the show.
While the characterization is its strongest feature, the weakest would have to be the actual superheroing aspect. They only show up in their full NOT!Spandex glory around the last 3rd of the movie and then almost immediately hop into their "dino-cars" to deal with the rampaging black magic kaiju.
Overall, a rockin' (and rocky) start to a revitalization of a most radical task force of super. Don't expect it to be great art, or a dark and gritty reboot; it's a cliche-filled, fun but sometimes dark romp with 5 teens learning to be friends and fighters.

For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Underoos indeed. Hahaha

Life
So in addition to jet black monsters that lay their young within your body, shapeshifting blobs that can fool anyone, parasitic slugs that wrap around your brain and control you like a meat puppet, and humanoids who can use the sun's energy to roast you by looking at you, the next critter to join my list of Aliens that Can Do Horrible Things to Your Body Purely from their Freaky Biology is Calvin the jelly-starfish from "Life."
The old adage is true again as we are proven that in space, no one can hear you scream. And truly this movie does borrow a lot from the iconic horror film starring Sigourney Weaver. Both feature a diverse cast in a tight enclosed space dealing with a nigh-unkillable menace from beyond the stars that do unspeakable evils to your body. What's funny is that this movie's score make the interactions with the tiny ET blob seem whimsical and fun for a while...all the time the audience awaits when we hear the psycho chords to signify the bad times are coming.
Watch with a friend who don't get squeamish.

The Great Wall
Oh no! Another attempt by Hollywood to lure in their foreign markets by making a visually stunning spectacle set in their homeland! But with more MATT DAMON!
"The Great Wall" tells the nonsensical tale of the REAL reason why one of the greatest landmarks in the world was made: aliens. Matt Damon plays a simple mercenary tasked with finding out about Man's Red Flower the Chinese gunpowder but ends up embroiling himself against the Eastern nation's never-ending struggle against the evil green wolf/lizard/bug things whose favorite battle tactic is the Zerg rush.
As mentioned before, this is a garbage movie with a cliched plot and cliched characters...but it makes up for it a little bit with visual flair that each Chinese cast member is given. The intricate and colorful armor with each division's unique role in fending off the invaders really makes for cool things to see whilst you watch the madness.
News being news, the media (and tryhard social justice warriors) have balked at the fact that the main star is a white man when the movie's setting is Asia. Not really anything to worry about for two reasons: 1) ALIENS ARE IN IT! HISTORICAL ACCURACY WENT OUT THE WINDOW A LONG TIME AGO! 2) his role really is minor, with him taking a backseat for most of the movie because he (and the audience) is watching the showy choreography and the escalating drama of the Chinese side of the production.
Save this one for a bad movie night since it'll give you something interesting to watch but do not expect a grand cinematic experience.

Kong: Skull Island
Let's be honest; Gorillas can get away with pounding on their chest because they're just that badass, but when humans do it, it's just painful and dumb-looking.
So be prepared for a lot of that victorious gorilla spirit in "Kong: Skull Island" as he takes on the military might of mankind along with the vicious beasts of his own native land.In a departure from the standard greedy-filmmaker-takes-away-gigantic-critter-that-falls-in-love-with-leading-lady that these King Kong movies have set as a precedent, we have shady businessmen who want to "survey" a mysterious island and they're joined by fresh out of 'Nam US military. So in addition to the titanic ape menace, the island has weird underground lizard monsters which also plague the island. So the race is on for the humans who have foolishly entered this place to escape the dangers of a place that makes them feel small.

While there are a lot of good to be said about the next entry in WB's kaiju universe, there are things that bog it down. Samuel L. Jackson, normally a treat for his intensity, wit, and Samuel L. Jackson-ness, goes Captain Ahab on Kong as his character is still reeling from the "loss" in the Vietnam war and compounded by all the men that get slaughtered by their initial skirmish with the big guy. So his single-minded pursuit on regicide gets a little tiresome especially after the audience finds out Kong might be a "bad guy"...but he is not a bad guy. The rest of the cast all have their quirks which make their characters vacillate between deep & insightful characters with good motivation and stupid people who make stupid decisions in action and words.
Overall, a very mixed bag but of course the main attraction is giant monsters fighting tooth and nail, and especially with the post-credits promise of a certain other King of Monsters joining the fray, this movie is worth the watch.

For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

It's funny because with Kong's parents are dead and he used a bladed throwing weapon.

Sing
"Sing" can be seen cynically as Illumination animation's (the people who gave us "Despicable Me,"" the Lorax," and "the Secret Life of Pets") response to Disney's "Zootopia" but with more diversity (marine life, creepy-crawlies, birds, reptiles, and simians are part of the ensemble now). However, most of those NEIGHsayers can be shunted to the side because this film is full of laughs, a simple yet elegantly crafted plot, engrossing characters that you really root for, and most importantly of all, most excellent music selections that range from the 60s to stuff you hear on the radio today.
The premise of a bunch of creatures from all walks of life coming together to put on a show is not a new idea. But given that these characters are so diverse and come with their own easy-to-understand motivations and dreams, it certainly feels like an innovative spin on a by-the-numbers jukebox musical.
Whether or not this merited being a story told with talking animals will be up to each individual viewer. But definitely recommend to anybody who cares for good vocal work, both acting and singing.

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton
"It's never going to work. Your values are too different. She actually has values!" - Nathan Lane in another shady entertainment business role
"Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" is a delightful little time capsule to the early 2000s, rife with its distinctive fashion, technology, and attitudes. Plus, there were plenty of famous people before they made it big; Ginnifer Goodwin before she became Snow White/Judy Hopps, Octavia Spencer before her Oscar, and the main heartthrob Tad, played by Josh Duhamel, himself filling in for essentially an undiscovered Chris Pine role.
But despite its datedness, the core of the story still involves the most timeless of themes when it comes to love stories: dating out of your lane.
The girl wants the celebrity, leaving the best dude friend in the lurch. And then the celebrity, a Hollywood bad boy, realizes that her small-town USA innocence is charming, which means he wants to improve himself from this. Meaning the hijinks ensue with the conflicting views of an LA man stuck in the boonies. Plus, the best friend now has a romantic rival so that's always comedy gold.
Beautiful cheesy blast from the past. But really, it's appeal is more in how the characters try so hard to appeal to their respective crushes. Romantic comedy's tried and true formula folks, but with the twist of them actually making some sensible decisions.

Passengers
A fiery redhead in a Pixar movie's trailer managed to convey the main conflict in "Passengers" years before we even knew about Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence: "If you had the chance to change yer fate, wudju?"
This movie's weird blend of WALL-E aesthetic, Cast Away mentality, and that one Treehouse of Horror episode where Homer finds himself the only resident in a deserted Springfield makes it a very intriguing movie to watch as we see good guy Chris Pratt find himself in the stickiest of situations, waking up too early before everyone else...while stranded in a cruise ship in space that's 90 years away from his destination. After enjoying all the pleasures of the ship, he finds himself lonely as hell and willing to do anything to stave off the malaise. ANYTHING.
While many have tried to decry this movie as wasted potential because of the chance of making this a psychological thriller/straight up horror film, I enjoyed the movie as the fluffy love story with the major hurts and hangups along the way it was portrayed. Have a watch if you can easily stomach a story of a blooming dooming relationship.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
I think I figured it out: the TRUE success of the Pirates of the Caribbean films.
Think about it! The chases where the anti-hero impossibly lucks out of the danger, the sidekicks that don't distract you from how cool the hero is, somewhat memorable villains chasing after the same MacGuffin as the protagonist, and stunning & fantastic locales?
THIS IS INDIANA JONES!
And the same can be said about its 5th installment "Dead Men Tell No Tales."
Another strange and mystical treasure of the sea is up for grabs and multiple parties, including our beloved Johnny Depp in his MOST drunken stupor-est, are all vying for it for their own personal gain. One of which is the son of the original couple from the first three films, inexplicably falling into the same trap as his father...as in finding himself attracted to a strong female who don't let no patriarchy and God-fearing society restrain her from her goals.
And another notch above the last film includes a legitimately terrifying protagonist in the form of ZOMBIE-GHOSTS, led by the ever creepy Javier Bardem, who have a personal vendetta against Jack Sparrow.
Overall, a neat epilogue to the original trilogy and what I hoped would be the last adventure on the high seas with our Ocean Indy...that is until THE POST-CREDITS SCENE WHICH FILL ME WITH SO MANY QUESTIONS!

And because I feel like it, a better scene involving falsely accusing a lady of being a witch

Allied
The trick of being able to accurately describe "Allied" is how much you believe the trailer spoiled the movie.
After a pretty cool undercover spy sequence in the first act, the remainder of the movie is Brad Pitt trying to find out the truth as to his wife's identity, whether or not he is Allied with the right woman.
But if you believe the trailers wholeheartedly, then yeah...movie's ruined.

Wonder Woman
In a weird twist, this decade finally has a prequel that surpasses the films before it...and it was about a bit player with barely any screentime in the previous movie.
I'm talking about the original warrior princess, "Wonder Woman!"
As previously stated, it's a prequel to "Dawn of Justice," where she had the most cursory of screentime in both civilian guise and in hero mode, as this takes in during the time of the dreaded War to End All Wars, World War I. When the impetuous, optimistic, and fierce princess of the Amazons contemplates that line where the sky meets sea and spies a spy crashing his aircraft into their waters, she wastes no time saving him. She learns that it's possible that the the Greek personification of War Ares might be influencing all of mankind into an all-out brawl, and so takes some gear to journey into the Man's World, where hilarious fish-out-of-water hijinks ensue and the brutality of war drives this warrior to find a way to end the conflicts.
A lot of people are wondering just what kind of challenge do the armies of Germany stand against a demigoddess, and the movie shows that it's never a challenge of strength so much as a challenge to the hopeful princess's viewpoint on humanity as a whole, whether or not the evil she sees from war is a true reflection on those her people have sworn to protect. And yeah, there are a fair amount of times you wonder how a lady with all the gear of the dudes from "300" can possibly stand up against machine guns, tanks, and bad gas...but those concerns are quickly squashed with amazing action scenes and choreography to prove just how amazing this Amazon is.
The side characters are also very enjoyable, with Chris Pine playing the spy who loved her as well as his merry band of misfit mercenaries, each with their own distinct personalities and foibles. The actors of their enemies truly show just how dark and savage people (and gods?) could get when war is at the forefront.
Overall, a great display of a character who not only inspires people in and out of universe, but thanks to the compelling visuals and competently written story, this movie is being haled as the return to decency for DC superhero movies. Like their title character, this film brings out the hope that things will be better for this franchise.

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

A lot of people forget how some female characters portrayed on the silver screen were pretty awesome.

The Mummy (2017)
If I asked you to name one of Brendan Fraser's most iconic movies, many people will say "The Mummy." Now, thanks to Universal's attempts to make their own cinematic universe featuring their classic monsters, future generations are going to ask "which Mummy?"
"The Mummy" starring Tom Cruise is definitely a springboard for a whole slew of movies starring the classic Halloween costumes we've grown accustomed to seeing.
Tom Cruise finds himself embroiled in the evil machinations of a mummified evil princess who wants to bring the God of Death to modern day Earth, but not before finding out she's the target of a massive organization bent on stopping the things that go bump in the night. And we go downhill from there since this mummy gets loose and wreaks havoc with sand powers, zombies, and superhuman strength and ferocity.
Jake Johnson (aka Nick Miller from the show "New Girl") is the glue that holds this fragile mess of cheesy jump scares, pointless exposition, and bland acting together. But this guy kept the comedy alive (helping bring it out of Tom Cruise better than he would have with his own lines), and despite the initial "scariness" from his zombification, his ghost form brightened the often times overbearingly grotesque/moody tone.

With the attempt at making the classic monsters relevant again, the Dark Universe should really focus on stacking these Halloween icons together instead of doing what superhero films commonly do (solo solo solo Group), and just keep adding monsters with each film to keep the momentum going. They already threw a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde into this movie with the hopes of cementing the audience's investment in more zany monster crossovers. Quite frankly, I'm wondering if it will work or if people will dismiss this sad attempt at creating a cinematic universe in the same way as the Dracula film starring Luke Evans tried to do a couple years ago.

For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.

Probably a better choice for fighters of mummies.

Captain Underpants: The Epic First Movie
Let me take you back to a Scholastic Book Fair held in my elementary school's library. There, I picked up a book that was a subtle blend of light novel and comic about two first-grade wise guys who hypnotized their boss into thinking he's a superhero of their own invention. I put it down and wondered who would read such infantile stuff.
Roughly 20 years pass and I find myself sitting in the theater for a beautifully animated and witty adaptation by Dreamworks Animation.
While the voice actors they used for the kid actors were completely unfitting, the voice they used for Principal Krupp/Captain Underpants was spot-on for the mental voice given to the internally read lines, one half excellent for nastiness and the other performance great for Silver Age heroic charm/narm. The movie adapts roughly the first three books with the possibility left open for more shenanigans in the future. Quite honestly, I would look forward to more of this ridiculously juvenile humor, surprisingly adult comedy, and trope-calling-out.
Watch this if you just want some laughs more suitable for kids, but you want to feel childish.

Part of this movie's appeal is how flawlessly they've replicated the style of the original 2D doodles and translated them to 3D imagery...didn't I say that about the "Peanuts movie" last year too?

Cars 3
Legacy.
How your life or what mattered to you continues on to future generations.
"Cars 3."
While I appreciated "Cars 2" for expanding their strange vehicle-based world and for the implausible coolness that are spy cars, the characters and story fell flatter than that time my tire hit a plank full of nails. "Cars 3" continues the ongoing saga of Lightning McQueen discovering there's more to life than being really, really ridiculously fast.
While the teaser trailer seemed to imply that the horrific crash of our main protagonist be the main crux of the movie, there was already a buildup of the looming despair that "Toy Story 1& 3" touched upon with the Champ, the favorite, finding himself no longer wanted, to be replaced with something better with no hope of things ever returning to the way they were. In McQueen's case, the Lone Ranger himself Armie Hammer portrays the new hotness Jackson Storm as the Zoom to Lightning's Flash. Determined to trounce this new rival, the Wilsonmobile strives to be the best again through any means necessary, taking along his designated trainer, a wannabe racer herself, and they find themselves in one misadventure to the next all with the hope of putting Storm in his place.
The true beauty of this movie comes in the climax so I can't really spoil it. However, I will say that every part of our supposed main character's training journey is not just beneficial to him. Although, the visual beauty of the backgrounds and locations of this world is breathtaking, as if the people who worked on "The Good Dinosaur" threw their expertise into this film to make the movie more than just parked cars talking to each other in almost the same exact framing.
Funnily enough, I've been enjoying a lot of sequels which seem like the true sequel (or next installment) so much so that I'd like to strike the actual sequel from memory. That being said, I'm scratching "Cars 2" from my personal canon of how these movies happened.

Soooo the short in front of "Cars 3" struck a very odd nostalgic chord for me...who even remembers the show "Eek the Cat" that played on Fox Kids, and the weirdo segment on it known as "Klutter?"

Despicable Me 3
So like "Days of Future Past" and "Apocalypse," like "Kung-fu Panda 2 & 3," like "Catching Fire" and "Mockingjay," and most definitely like "Spider-man 2 & 3," where the 2nd installment of a franchise was so good you realize after the 3rd edition nothing could've topped it, "Despicable Me 3" hits me over the head with how positively amazing "Despicable Me 2" is in comparison.
They toned down almost everything in favor of being more kid-friendly in my opinion, with the exception being the bombastic villain this time being a refugee from the 80s, rife with mullet, 8-track tapes, and toyetic TV show, almost as if he were a much worse version of Star Lord.
The Grucy family conflict and theme was minimal, the Minion hijinks were not NEARLY as laugh-out-loud funny as they were in previous movies, and after (hilariously) writing off Dr. Nefario, the new major screw-upper is Gru's twin brother, leading to more antics of Steve Carell having to pick up the slack and save Steve Carell endlessly. About the only real thing this improved on was the ramifications of the Minions, after being established in their solo movie as only following the worst of the worst villains, still being attached to Gru despite him being a good guy now, and whether or not they should be true to their roots.
Good and funny, but lacked a bit of the heart and humor of the last two movies.

 Also, diminutive creatures, some with one-eye, singing a botched version of "I am the very model of a Modern Major General" seems really familiar...

The House
Somewhere out there, some filmmaker is going to have to rename his horror movie about a casino run by two psychopaths who find out they enjoying maiming others because Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler totally took that idea and made it a wacky comedy. Ridiculous premise, crude humor, a smidgen of wit and heart, and the all too tired trend of comedy movies these days of spending way too long a shot on a funny person hoping they say something funny. But I did laugh and I did enjoy the characters undergoing their Breaking Bad transformations.

Baby Driver
"Baby Driver" is another love letter from Edgar Wright to a genre and this time, the heist movie is his amour. Something between a perfectly syncopated music video and brilliant heist movie where the protagonist wants to be a good person but is tied up tight in a life of crime, this stunning thrill ride begs the question to the audience as they sit on the edge of their seats: "how much car-fu can your mind really take?" Star-studded performances complement the excellently chosen song selections as scene-per-scene you have a soundtrack to complement the tone and the characters' emotions. As the Mozart in a go-kart sinks further and further into his criminal activities, the climax essentially becomes one LONG and LOUD chase and you wonder if there's any hope for redemption and a happy ending.

Not actually a baby who drives...but the concept is still there.

Hacksaw Ridge

"When the mob and the press and whole world tell you to move, your job is plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the whole world, 'no you move.' " - Captain America and/or Agent 13

 When you're a nice guy, you tend to get beat up a lot. When you're Desmond Doss, you choose to get beat up because you're so firmly rooted in your faith, you believe the 10 commandments with all your heart. "Hacksaw Ridge" told the true story of a conscientious objector who felt duty-bound to serve his country but not kill her enemies. Instead he was the best medic who single-handedly (and with help from the Almighty) saved 75 lives in a cliffside warzone during World War 2 in one night.
Fantastic acting, gripping story as you wonder how this pacifist is going to end up in the Pacific theater and how he will do the Lord's bidding, and most important of all, the characters never seem like cardboard cutouts of wartime heroes, but are so very real in their emoting and acting. The only real nitpick is less about the movie and more about the quality of realism you keep in your war movie: gore. GORE FOR DAYS! Human beings getting pumped full of lead, having limbs blown out, and all other manner of violent gruesomeness makes this hard to watch at times.
Watch is to learn the story of how one man made a helluva difference without being twisted by what he considers the Dark Side.

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.

Heartfall Arises
"Heartfall Arises" probably addresses the idea of a ghost in a shell better than the actual "Ghost in the Shell" movie, but not so much a soul being in a foreign artificial body but organ transplants being the vessels for the former soul.
An investigator hot on the trail of a Robin Hood/Punisher-like serial killer called The General, gets his quarry's heart due to a getting shot by him and him shooting him in the brain. A criminal psychologist is introduced with a crackpot theory that the organ donor's spirit might still be influencing the host's mind, and we see the subtle changes in the investigator, like having a propensity to big black jeeps now and eating spicy food. It gets really complicated when a copycat killer to the General arises and the investigator starts having feelings for the girlfriend the General left behind. FURTHERING complications is the revelation that the General's liver (and violent tendencies) went to another formerly mild-mannered host.
A great twisting Chinese movie full of intrigue and elevated by the performances of the two leads. Not only do the stakes involve innocent lives being threatened but the idea that maybe the killer's philosophy on the so-called victims might not be entirely wrong. The science of the organ transplant being essentially the Venom symbiote is complete ridiculousness, but you wonder just how much influence will spread to the righteous cop and the other guy.

American Assassin
"American Assassin" tells the story of how a wayward student with a grudge against his old sensei is beaten by the sensei's newest pupil.
...
So basically "Kung-Fu Panda" with less hilarity or Batman training Robin to stop Red Hood.
By the numbers action flick but of course Michael Keaton brings his A-game and is the best thing about this.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Sum up "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" in as confusing a way as possible? K.
"Posh British dudes team up with cowboys named after booze (and Elton John) to stop people from dancing til they die because nostalgic Julianne Moore wants to be famous."
Overall, a humorous and action-packed spy thriller that invigorates the genre while having amazing characters, as amazing an evil plot as the first film, and only marred by the times they cross the line in what is tasteful (about 3 instances so roughly the same as last time).
Also one of the best renditions of "Country Road" by John Denver as a farewell to a beloved character. 

There is no way you'll be prepared for Elton John Rider Kicking a mook in the face while mugging at the camera.

American Made
If anyone's ever played 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, you can understand just how many connections someone can have to seemingly impossible people.
That's basically the gist of "American Made" where Tom Cruise's character, finds himself the most important person to several differing parties, on the legal, illegal, and everything in between spectrum, during the late 70s and early 80s. Truth be told, the story, while true, could not nearly be played off as entertaining as it was if not for the trademark Tom Cruise charisma. Add to the fact that several of the old timey references only seem as funny as they do because of how wacky the situation is played despite the seriousness.

A Silent Voice
Guilt: a fiend unlike any other, carrying grief around like so much heavy baggage ready to be unloaded on its unsuspecting victims.
Basically the theme around the Japanese animated film "Koe no Katachi" or in English, "A Silent Voice."
The audience is treated to a slice of the idyllic elementary school life of Shouya Ishida, which is quickly flipped on its head when the new girl to class is deaf. Despite her good nature and cheery personality, kids can always be counted on to be cruel, with the psychological bullying stemming from the girl students and the more overt teasing coming from Shouya. It gets really bad and she has to leave.
Cut to the less-than-ideal high school life of Shouya Ishida as he has become fully aware of how much a bully he was in his past and has grown withdrawn from everyone at school.
This changes when he has a chance encounter with the deaf girl from his past, and like the great atoners of cinema like Jean Valjean and Tony Stark, he sets himself on a new path of self-improvement starting with her. But can he, or she, really let go of the guilt and grief from their past and how it impacts their future?
I went into this movie expecting a bit of star-crossed lovers drama with an emphasis of physical hurdles like "Fault in our Stars" or "50 First Dates." What I didn't see coming was how *broken* BOTH parties were and how it affected their relationship as well as the fragile bonds with their families and classmates. The journey of these two is beyond gut-wrenching with harsh words and harder to stomach actions as they do their best to live their lives while trying to let others into their own.
Watch if you wanna feel feels.

They handed these promo posters out at the theater; despite this being anime, her hair wasn't NEARLY that outrageously pink...it was more a lightish brown,

Only the Brave
 In the interest of not badmouthing the real life heroes of "Only the Brave," I will only say that the movie about their exploits plays like any other movie that emphasizes brothers-in-arms, the families they leave behind, and the harrowing dangers they face nearly every day. The acting is top notch from A & B-listers like Jeff Bridges, Josh Brolin, Jennifer Connelly, and Miles Teller as you really care about these people as portrayed by their performance.

Thor Ragnarok
I will say that the progression of the Thor movies have been a strange one...Kenneth Brannagh gave us a serious drama about family and finding your place in the universe and being a hero...the 2nd one was to capitalize on Loki's newfound popularity, criminally underutilize a Doctor Who, try to funny it up with the Earthlings more, as well as throw another of the Infinity Stones in our face disguised as lava lamp goop...and now, "Thor Ragnarok" is the epicly funny story about defeating a sealed evil bent on destroying them Odin boys' world all while trying to fight their way home from space gladiatorial battle world run by Jeff Goldblum.
Honestly, the colors, the comedy, the excellent actor chemistry, the wonderfully menacing Cate Blanchett and amazingness of the cosmic locations give us all the grand of the Thor movies without the bland.
3/3 for funtimes at the movies in 2017 Marvel. Keep it up for 2018!

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.

Both wielders of mighty bludgeons, magical, and will probably gain their luscious locks back in a 2D animated series.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
So when you get horrors from your game unleashed upon the world, it's Jumanji. When you get sucked into the game to experience its horrors, it's still Jumanji...pretty sure that's more the premise for several anime shows...
"Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle" brings the trapped-in-another-world cliches to the untamed wilds of fictional Africa. Four Breakfast Club stand-ins find themselves trapped in not just a video game, but avatars that are completely different from who they are. Truly though, that is the prime source of comedy in this movie, with the cognitive dissonance between the characters bringing forth the most laughs. The few gripes I have with this movie are nitpicks since the game world, and the calling out of its familiar tropes, complete with NPCs who spout just one line, illogical weaknesses, and the game itself being seriously hax, appeal to me, and the humorous situations and characters can satisfy me as great entertainment.  

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.

How to blow up Kevin Hart

The Foreigner

"The Foreigner" breaks the worst rule of making any story worthwhile: YOUR MAIN CHARACTER IS COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TO THE STORY! A terrorist bomb goes off in London and an elderly Chinese man's daughter is caught in the blast. Thus begins his roaring rampage of revenge against the evildoers who done the evil...except he doesn't. He goes to the authorities and hounds the one in particular who MIGHT know something about the ones responsible. Not only that, but he essentially stages a one-man-war against this government official and all his men, all in pursuit of something Pierce Brosnan doesn't know yet. While Jackie Chan does his gosh-darned best to be a credible threat and Rambo-wannabe, nothing he does in this movie has any consequence on the progression of the story. The fiends are found out through outside means without either of the main characters' involvement, a strike team was all set to take out the bombers without Jackie's martial arts prowess, and the final threat is neutralized through no means of either main character. Dumb story, dumber characters, and all the main action scenes were pretty much in the trailer. Do yourself a favor and remember the good ol' days when Jackie Chan was enough of a character to make a movie worth your time.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
"Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" is what happens when you have a grand imagination-fueled sci-fi ride of grandeur, awe, and wonder...and then have the plot and dialogue written by what seemed to be middle schoolers who only know cliches. As humanity makes it through the cosmos in a space station cobbled together by several nations and planets' representative pieces, there are those who have to keep the peace. Enter Major Valerian and Sergeant Laureline, who find the last of an entire species in a other-dimensional bazaar. The critter is very important to a forgotten alien race and they want it back. A grand conspiracy is discovered and of course many ETs are either helping or hindering the investigation.

This is the stuff sci-fi dreams are made of; futuristic technology, bizarre and amazing alien species by the boatload, sweet spacecraft, and alternate dimensions & how to interact throughout em. However, the main problem stems from cliche character archetypes, bad typical lines as if spouted from a robot, meandering and disjointed plot, and a twist you can see coming because you actually paid attention during the prologue.

For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.

John Wick Ch.2
The Boogeyman is back!
"John Wick Ch. 2" picks up very shortly after the events of the first movie and the audience is again treated to the unstoppable hitman of hitmen being the best at what he does, and what he does isn't very nice.
Shortly after the events of the first movie, he is all set to settle down for a quiet life with his new dog, but because he made himself get back in the biz, a crime boss comes a-knocking to call in a blood debt. So John's back into the highly elaborate world of the assassin elite, taking him to Rome where an unexpected twist sends him on the run from more trained assassins, bodyguards, and just people who wish to do him harm. Will he make it out alive or will Morpheus come for him for the long sleep? (half true on that one. hahaha)
Tight and gripping action designed to keep you awake, with gunplay and choreography that will make you think taking a life was just so simple. The world building is expanded to an almost ludicrous level, with me going so far as to describe this as the parallel Earth where everyone's possibly an assassin or fairly trained killer.
If you loved everything about the first movie, you'll love this one too.

Just DON'T ask him to do One Last Job for you...it's never just One Last Job

Downsizing

"Downsizing" is a great concept but unfortunately, it is absolutely not enough to carry a 2 hr+ film. In the effort to reduce humanity's strain on the planet, Swedish scientists manage to find a way to shrink people down to the size of GI Joe. So it costs a lot less to sustain somebody if they can get by living in dollhouses and eating portions that even ants would scoff at. So from there we follow a pathetic excuse for a character, Matt Damon, as he drifts through his newfound tiny existence...except since almost everything is scaled down to him and his fellow 5 cm tall community, it's a lot less "The Borrowers" and more like "Oh look at this giant thing in an otherwise very normal setting."

In addition to the preachy save-the-planet spiel, there is also the attempt to make the commentary that there will always be the haves and the have-nots. Matt Damon manages to find a Vietnamese maid who shows him the other side of this toy story, and really the only problem with this is the rampant racial stereotypical depiction of the poor. BUT THEN IT DOESN'T END THERE and they journey to Norway where they meet a community hellbent on living out the doomsday scenario in a Noah's Ark-like bunker.  He almost gets roped into joining them but changes his mind and goes back to his idyllic life of flip-flopping between extravagance and helping the poor.

AND NONE OF IT REALLY MAKES ME THINK I'M WATCHING ANYTHING OF WORTH! It drags and drags and drags. The scenario is hardly worth noting until something reminds you that these people are actually very small. Even the shrinking process is needlessly extended, detailing shaving heads, removal of waste, dentistry, and other mundane prepwork. Do yourself a favor and come up with your own imaginary scenarios of how living like Arriety and other Borrowers would be like instead of watching this movie.

Otherwise, a very normal scene of Matt Damon at a party...with a normal sized flower...because we need to constantly be reminded he's small.