Cardinal rule about trailers: while they are intended to hype you up about a movie, they should never be believed.
Case in point, "Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit" filled me with hopes of intricate betrayals and spy situations where things are going horribly wrong not unlike the 4th Mission Impossible movie.
This was not the case.
Chris Pine plays the titualr Jack Ryan and while he does a fair job portraying the role of a man who must keep secrets, it's honestly a paint-by-numbers on high-octane, spy drama. Nobody betrays him as I was led to believe in the trailer, and the threat is about as basic as your average night of NCIS or NCIS LA.
Bridesmaids
Having been recently diving deep into the waters of Saturday Night Live, one can see many of their alumni in "Bridesmaids" and how clever it can be.
Kristen Wigg is set to be the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding to Nameless Schmo A, and while she has the best of intentions for Maya Rudolph, events happen that completely undermine everything going right for her, making it a tale where we're supposed to laugh at all her misfortunes.
And there ain't nothing wrong with that.
The amount of laughs one can get out of the absurd situations, all involving the misery of our protagonist, are astronomical. From the misery of a policeman who wants her to start up her baking business again, misery from ridiculous roommates, and of course, misery caused by another bridesmaid completely one-upping her efforts to win over the bride to insane levels of extravagance.
Insane, fun, a little gross at times, and I can't believe it was even nominated for an Oscar.
The LEGO Movie
The one thing you should know about "the LEGO Movie,"
EVERYTHING.
*IS*
AWESOME.
An everyday, unspectacular, completely normal guy finds himself the center of a giant prophecy that will overthrow the Orwellian government and bring the fun and creativity back to the world...not the kind of synopsis you'd expect from a glorified toy commercial eh?
A generic LEGO minifigure has his communistic, always-compliant lifestyle flipped upside down when he is mysteriously bonded to a piece that'll stop the superweapon the evil Lord Business, emulating Lord Farquad's obsession with order and perfection in his world. He is drafted into the revolutionary forces of the Master Builders, which include Batman, a 1980s-era spaceman, a hybrid kitty-unicorn, a cyborg pirate, and many many more. And from that setup, it's nonstop action, laughs, witty one-liners, excellent characters and their development, and a twist you will NEVER. SEE. COMING.
Watch this for amazing animation, story, and characters. But if you hate being a corporate tool, get over yourself and enjoy a damn good animated film.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
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| Amazingly, the twist might be a reference to this gem from Fullmetal Alchemist |
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Somebody out there must be listening because I was so afraid that there would be too many "temporal fish-out-of-water" scenes in "Captain America: the Winter Soldier."
There are not. There's a notepad of pop culture references that changes upon region viewed, and with that out of the way, there is a juicier movie!
The good Captain Rogers is now working with S.H.I.E.L.D. to take down threats that's too much for mere mortals. But there's someone that manages to take out Samuel L. Jackson, the urban legend amongst spies known as the Winter Soldier. It's up to Captain America and the only hanger on from the Avengers movies, Black Widow, to get to the bottom of what's the deal behind this military dog with the automail arm.
As I mentioned last time I had to talk about Captain America, I thought he was a pretty boring dude...an icon of patriotism and valor, but overall not that impressive (I would've said Superman's *my* American symbol, but then Man of Steel happened...), but this movie blew my expectations of the character out of the water. You really feel for this guy, being a relic from the past, trying to fight evils of the present, as well as what really matters to him.
Good solid action, really dive into how Captain America is trying to adapt to this new world, but without tacky what-is-computer-durr scenes, and enjoy his interactions with everybody, including new hero Falcon.
Oh yeah...a twist of much twistness...you have been warned.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
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| Get it? Winter is cold! Frozen even! |
Rio
Everybody loves a good fish out of water story; oh the hilarious possibilities! So what does "Rio" have different from other such tales?
Bird who can't fly because of upbringing?...and then thrust into the fast-pounding heartbeat of the creature known as Rio de Janeiro?
...points for creative locale.
We start out with a cute baby parrot as he sees his people sing and dance as only birds can...and then we're immediately subjected to scenes of animal cruelty and the sad baby bird ending up in Minnesota.
Years pass and the bird is exceedingly comfortable in his lifestyle as a VERY PAMPERED PET. Then news is that he could be one of the last of his kind unless he mates with a wild one in captivity in Rio de Janeiro.
So not only are there hilarious hijinx involving trying to get the girl bird to see him as respectable, but then there's a smuggling plot, lots of musical numbers, an evil cockatoo, hip birds that can somehow speak English despite being natives to Brazil, and...Carnival...of course...
Brought to you from the same goons who have done the Ice Age movies, one can only hope that a quality product popped out of this studio...and it did...just don't try to compare it to Pixar or Dreamworks level storytelling or animation.
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| Crossover with the only other mega-franchise involving birds won't exactly make the movie better...but it sure can try. |
Amazing Spiderman 2
With the previous film starring Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone being met with a resounding "meh," did the folks at Sony up the ante for "Amazing Spiderman 2?"
Yes! It is now a resounding "Okey dokey."
Gone are the yellow tinted eyes from Spidey as he does his superheroing, as well as graduating from high school. In his quest for adulthood, he must deal with creepy, obsessed fanboys who somehow gets turned into an electric-eel man, his aunt living a double life of her own, being haunted by the ghosts of his failures, finding out what on earth his parents were up to considering they had to ditch him and the country at an early age, and reconnect with his childhood buddy who is terminally ill.
Lot to swallow? Try watching this craziness and see if you can see the plates a-spinning.
Personally, this movie spoke to me at the time since I was pretty apprehensive about all the changes happening in my life...and this movie was all about Peter Parker having to deal with the changes happening to his rapidly, spiraling-out-of-control, life. And in the end, I learned that even if life has dealt you the worst hand, you keep the poker face on and keep playing. Sometimes, not just for yourself but for your capacity to bring hope to others.
Even if you hate what the "Amazing" films have done to the franchise, watch this one for inspiration...and possibly really cute relationship-building scenes with Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker...and this one Sherlock Holmes-esque scene involving Spider-Sense.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
Thanks you wonderful SNL people for doing a funny thing involving the movie for me.
Godzilla (2014)
"Godzilla." King of the Monsters. Doin' monster things. For a couple of minutes.
As is typical when Americans take the helm in directing a film of the world's most famous giant monster, not enough focus is on him, and instead we are treated to far less interesting people because somebody out there believes the gigantic lizard with the atomic breath can't be interesting all on his own.
But what this does that completely shoots the old '98 Zilla film out of the water is that Big G actually gets to fight other monsters. Nobody goes to a Godzilla movie anxiously awaiting the scenes of how military forces are completely ineffectual against the colossal reptile; they want to see epic bestial brawls and this movie does deliver that...for a couple of minutes. Like I said before, they want to keep the human element the focus of the film for some reason, and we see the main character always be a part of the Godzilla action somehow.
The only reason to see this movie is if you are a diehard fan of kaiju...and if you want to wash out the taste of giant swimming iguana that changes genders on a whim.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
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| As with most things, I believe if it featured pokemon whatever it is will be better. Same with this case. |
X-men: Days of Future Past
"Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack...jack...jackjackjackman"
I was mighty satisfied with "X-men: Days of Future Past." They keep it focused on the mutants that all of this revolve around and the drama/conflict is very palpable.
We open on a bad future with just some of our favorite Xmen, and through funky mutant powers that shouldn't be a thing, but we're thankful are, Wolverine's mind gets sent back into the 70s. Conveniently, it's when "First Class" Xavier is having an existential crisis what with 75% of the cast from that movie are dead. So it's up to time-displaced Wolverine and bitter&angry Tumnus Xavier to bring the band together, for not only a rescue mission, but a mission that undoes the future that is Aku-erm, berserk robots who hunt down humanity. Also Jennifer Lawrence is near nude as is typical of Mystique.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
Surprisingly accurate synopsis that's relatively spoiler-free.
The Grandmaster
...really didn't get "The Grandmaster."
Despite cool action scenes...what the heck was it about? Who was the main character? What was the point of including that "Razor" guy? What was the climax? Because if your last fight was 20-30 minutes before the end, that's just dragging us through pointlessness.
GO WATCH "IP MAN" INSTEAD!
Pacific Rim
Just how much has Japan taken over the world?
When something so Japanese as "giant robots beating up giant monsters" can get the greenlight as the Hollywood film "Pacific Rim." Because let's face it, everybody digs giant robots.
In the far future, mysterious giant monsters with radioactive blood emerged from a dimensional crack in the Pacific Ocean, and, as is typical, conventional military weapons are useless against em. And with too many hours of watching Power Rangers, Voltron, Evangelion, Gurren Lagann, Gundam, and other merchandising opportunities from Japan toymakers, the logical step to fighting these monstrosities are gigantic mecha, named Jaegers, piloted by two psychic-linked, hot-blooded, youths from around the world. With the monsters escalating in numbers and sheer power however, the movie opens on the Jaeger program on its last legs. Thanks to a last-ditch effort from a coalition of the last Jaeger pilots however, the tide is turned not just through the sheer might of their mighty machines, but...erm, from nerds messing around with dead monster parts...BUT MOSTLY THROUGH THE GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING KAIJU IN THE FACE!
For a funny, yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
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| Further reasons for why you need multiple pilots for one robot that's mimicking your body movements are explored in the prequel comic. |
"Maleficent," AKA Disney's (other) version of
"Wicked," the hit Broadway musical.
Even longer before "a long time ago" was a cute
fae-child named Maleficent who had magnificent wings that she would soar
through the skies in her fairy kingdom and all was right in the world...except
a human boy with too much ambition seduced her and she was essentially taken in
by his talk of true love and stuff...and left her crippled...and made her
completely psycho evil.
EXCEPT!
When the boy becomes king and has a daughter, this jilted
lover curses the child, but is unable to bring herself to kill it outright.
Thus begins the long tale of how she essentially raises the kid because of
truly negligent parenting.
There is so much wrong with this movie and yet the redeeming
factors ARE the title character, with Angelina Jolie playing it so cool, yet so
maternal, that it's hard to imagine how she EVER really becomes the mistress of
all evil. That and the eventual relationship that forms between the sleeping
beauty and her is quite fascinating. All other characters you remember from the
story though, have become nasty, awful, and/or boring kinds of people.
If you're a hardcore Disney fan, you might want to skip
this...but if you want to see a really amazing performance from Angelina Jolie,
go ahead and give it a go. Also, Steel-types kill fairies!
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
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| Hipster Emma Swan says, "Did that kind of true love's kiss before it was cool." |
Edge of Tomorrow
Hey kids! Hate Tom Cruise? Why not watch a movie where he dies!
A lot!
"Edge of Tomorrow" is a thrilling, sci-fi, based-on-a-Japanese-manga tale of jellyfish-frog aliens trying to conquer the Earth through the same time-travelling-through-the-mind nonsense that we saw in "X-men: Days of Future Past," and the one guy Tom-Cruise-crazy enough to stop them.
Cruise's character is a glorified military PR guy but because he pissed off a higher-up, he gets sent to the front lines of the D-Day analogue as a grunt with no rank, no experience, and no hope. However, his one lucky shot at an enemy alien lets him hitchhike on the "Groundhog Day" Express and he must relive the day over and over. Along the way, he has hilarious shenanigans with his new company, learns how to be a badass fighter in a super suit thanks to Emily Blunt's character, a war hero from a previous battle where she literally single-handedly won it, and in general, learns to be less of a jerk.
There's dark humor a-plenty here as the only way Tom Cruise gets to restart the loop is to get killed...and he gets killed off many, many times. There's also lots of solid action-y pieces, but mainly it shows many soldiers in futuristic armor get slaughtered since the aliens are a bunch of know-it-alls.
Overall, a really solid action movie, with some chemistry between Cruise and Blunt, and a lot of dark humor and alien blasting.
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| Not according to the Beatles (All you need is Love)...nor Mitsuru Matsuoka (All you need is Drive) |
How to Train your Dragon 2
Pop quiz! What is the number one enemy of a series, be it TV, comic, or movie?
Stagnation.
The same thing, the status quo, what you were super impressed with the first time but after it keeps happening, you tire of the monotony.
The hero will save the day/the world/their way of life, slapstick will always go on despite pain unimaginable, and the mysterious conspiracy will never get explained until the end.
SO THANK ANY OF THE NORSE DEITIES YOU WISH TO CALL UPON THAT "HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2" UPPED THE ANTE!
3 years have passed and not only has dragon-viking interactions reached an all-time high, they're now a part of daily life, from pet ownership, to organized sports, to exploration and adventure!
Leading the charge of course is our relatively-grown-up beanpole of a brilliant mind, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III and his faithful brother in crippledness Toothless the Night Fury. They discover that somebody out there is kidnapping dragons to make an unstoppable army with, and ever the envoy of peace, Hiccup seeks to change this new adversary's mind about how lovable these beasts are. Along the way, he meets new allies (and family. Goshdarnit trailer you spoiled that up!) which bring to light new and brilliant ways to interact with dragons, and in light of a tragedy, will rise to the challenge of fighting back and protecting his own.
All the characters looks better with the 3-year timeskip, the action is brilliant when it happens, the heartfelt moments will crush, and of course, flying on the back of a dragon never seemed so appealing. The only things I would have to complain about that didn't seem to carryover from the previous film was the humor and the conflict.
In numero uno, the humor was centered mainly around the feline antics of the whole of dragonkind, specifically on Toothless, and the quirkiness of the supporting cast of would-be dragon slayers. In the follow-up, we still have the kitty nature of Toothless amped up to the 10s, but the funny from the human characters is not from their own personalities but from the tried&true hilarity that comes from the teenage hormones, with half the characters being enamored with someone or another and the crazy lengths people go to from infatuation.
Overall, a great film involving growing up and accepting your responsibilities while taking a stand against oppressors of your people...but with dragons at the core of the story. And that's not a bad thing.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
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| Yes I had to buy this the weekend of viewing. Two of my favorite things on one shirt...three if you count the fact it glows in the dark. |
Crocodile Dundee
Before there was Steve Irwin...there was Dundee!
Australians are a grand and noble people, who really could care less what you think about them. So what happens when a New York reporter is tasked with finding out how the Bushman lives in the Outback and then she invites him to come back to the big city with her?
HILARITY ENSUES!
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| The one line everyone remembers from this movie. |
Saving Mr. Banks
What I really enjoy about "Saving Mr. Banks," a Special Behind-the Scenes look at "Mary Poppins," is the whole ordeal you get to see involving the creation of a beloved classic. What I like better than just watching a documentary is how at odds the creative team is with the author, played brilliantly by Emma Thompson, as she is against almost everything Walt Disney and his cronies has in changing her story into a major motion picture. As the story progresses though, the audience finds out that it's not because she's just takes pleasure in being difficult, but because the story of Mary Poppins is so special and personal to her, that any deviation from her intended vision sets her off on a tizzy.
Guardians of the Galaxy
Or as I like to call it, "Ooga Chaka and More 80s references than you can Shake a Space-Stick at!"
Oh Marvel Studios...how you can take the obscurest of characters and make a feature film about them without making them seem dated, unlikable, nor uninteresting is probably YOUR superpower.
Kid gets abducted by aliens and spends his life learning to space pirate with the best of em. One gig has him find some mystical relic and so he's thrown in prison because of it. In prison, he runs into a deadly, green cyborg-woman, a pair of not-even-remotely-human mercenaries, and a hardened warrior who is unintentionally hilarious. While they're hatching the escape from space prison, another menace rears its head from a blue-skinned alien dude who hates another type of alien and wants the mystical macguffin to destroy those he hates. And who better to beat him to it than the ragtag band of misfits previously mentioned.
While it is a Marvel production, it is technically not a superhero flick. It reads on paper more like a space adventure where a dude assembles a team of weirdos to fight a planetary threat. And what's more, it can be downright hilarious. The main character is so hopelessly stuck in the past, not having any interaction with Earth since the 80s, that he references all these retro pop culture stuff (plus he has a Walkman with some of the classic jams of the 60s and 70s) despite being in a somewhat futuristic sci-fi setting. The chemistry between the talking raccoon and the talking tree is amazing since one has a limited vocabulary and the other talks such a big game that you forget he is actually quite small.
Overall, a MUST WATCH for lovers of sci-fi adventure and lovable rogues who fight the good fight.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
Expendables 3
The only way to describe "Expendables 3"
ULTRA-MANLY!!
TESTOSTERONE-FUELED RIDE OF MUSCLES AND GUNS AND EXPLOSIONS!
Oh and a super-funny Antonio Banderas and a super-hammy, yet threatening Mel Gibson.
Best part? You didn't need to worry about little things like continuity and such since I enjoyed it without seeing any of the previous films.
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| Not exactly, but really, these ARE what you think of when you think "cannon fodder." |
Hunger Games: Catching Fire
So "Catching Fire" is pretty much more of the same of the first movie, but with much more EXTREEEEEEEME to it.
EXTREEEEEME celebrity lifestyle BS that ain't for Katniss!
EXTREEEEEME poverty shown in the rest of the districts!
EXTREEEEEEME dresses on fire, but now with more middle finger to the government!
EXTREEEEEME Hunger Games action but this time with all the participants being more EXTREEEEEME than the last (yes, even Mags)!
EXTREEEEEEME plot twisting with not just 1 supposedly bad guy on your side but 2!
Of course this is really setting things up for Mockingjay and all the ROW-ROW-FIGHT-DA-POWA that comes with it, but until then, enjoy Hunger Games All-Stars with less chance of winning than last time!
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
For a funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
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| Jennifer Lawrence cosplaying as Batman, but Lenny Kravitz is more a fan of Hawkgirl. |
All is Lost
Otherwise known as, "The Universe Hates Robert Redford on a Boat." Seriously, we're not told this character's name, why he's on a dinky little sailboat in the middle of the ocean, nor why he suddenly finds himself in constant peril, but we keep watching just to see what becomes of this poor poor man.
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| Robert Redford's status the majority of the movie = this kitty. |
Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows
Just like how "The Dark Knight" upped the ante for awesome that "Batman Begins" begat, "Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows" gives us a sleeker, cooler, funnier Sherlock Holmes than any of his predecessors...except for maybe Benedict Cumberbatch but he's cool period. In addition, the nemesis is much more a menace and threat psychologically and physically than whoever-he-was-that-faked-his-death in that first film.
Brings everything you loved from the first movie back, what with Sherlock essentially being a superhero whose main power is his brainpower, as he and his faithful companion John Watson and another lady try to stop the eve of a world war from a madman.
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| Much more likely the Robert Downey Jr. version would do this than Benedict Cumberbatch, but therein lies the funny. |
