Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro
You know me; I'm a sucker for heist movies since it usually shows how a
well executed plan can come together to make a simple fetchquest all
that more intricate.
Now when you make a heist film with a ton of Miyazaki magic, you get "Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro."
Technically a franchise film about an infamous gentleman thief and his
crew (including the Interpol agent who hounds him), it is so full of the
typical early Hayao Miyazaki flair, that it can be forgiven for little
things like how Lupin and the female thief Fujiko know each other and
who the random samurai wandering a European landscape is. Centers mainly
around a counterfeiting ring of global proportions and of Lupin's brush
with the small duchy of Cagliostro and how he intends to save the
princess held against her will. As things go south, and things look bleak, the man manages to find new ways to get out of scrapes and that's admirable.
The art is gorgeous, the action frenetic and fun (slapstick as only
early anime and 'toons can give ya), and the characters are engaging and
entertaining. Enjoy the chase!
Not on this completely pointless list, but the spaghetti and meatballs from this film looked beyond scrumptious.
Driving Miss Wealthy Another of my all-time favorite Chinese movies, "Driving Miss Wealthy,"
or the more accurate translation "The Best Filipino (Maid)," is one that
can give you a bunch of gut-busting laughs. A Hong Kong cop who
takes any odd job he can is hired to pose as a Filipino
chauffeur/bodyguard to look after the beyond-spoiled, highly-gullible
daughter of a millionaire. Her father knows of her flaws and with the
help of "Mario," he hatches a plan to pretend to be comatose, and
leaving nothing to the daughter. This
forces her to live in the slums with her very best Filipino manservant.
The two learn to live together and work hard to get back on top. In
addition to this tale of learning independence and hard work, it's a
completely goofy love story. The performance of the main character
is the show stealer as he can effortlessly change his tone to heavily
Tagalog accented Cantonese to his normal demeanor of no-nonsense
bodyguard. While that may seem racist to some people, he does it with
good taste and no negativity. If you have a chance to watch it, highly recommend this rom-com of epic proportions. Deadpool
"Wow, breaking the fourth wall while breaking the fourth wall. That's like... sixteen walls!"
With the exception of quite a few dramatic and/or romantic moments,
"Deadpool" is a film with non-stop black comedy, 4th Wall breakings, and
the deconstruction, calling out, & subtle jabs at the superhero movie
genre.
Tons of fun (for those with a more twisted sense of fun),
and the main character is VERY true to his comics counterpart, an
antihero that revels in his powers, violence,
and talkative loon status. In addition to being really funny, the
action is well done and the emotional investment has its moments of
getting the audience to actually care. Of course, it is nowhere
near the title of "the best superhero movie ever," but I expected
nothing less for a film starring this ridiculous rogue. Highly
recommended to comic book and superhero movie fans...and just them.
Don't bring the family along. Older or younger will not get a kick out
of this.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer (complete with actual Ryan Reynolds voicework), go here.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
Because I refuse to let this song die. 2012 wasn't that long ago!
Fury
"Fury" tells the same truth that's been told in so many war movies:
War is hell, but having comrades you can rely on makes it somewhat bearable.
Excellent action and all the horrors of World War II are brought to the
forefront, but strangely enough meanders pointlessly around the middle
just for a taste of "normalcy" and really, it dragged the movie down for
what seemed like a mind-numbing 30 minutes or so. Best scene of course,
is the climax with the main cast having to survive an indefensible
crossroads in a glorious last stand in an immobile tank.
Recommended.
Actually no. The men involved were very smart and stayed IN the tank for the most part.
Burnt
"If you have one Michelin Star, you're Luke Skywalker. If you have two,
you're whoever Alec Guiness was. If you have three, you're Yoda."
"But what if he's Darth Vader?"
When a disgraced rock star tries to break back into the scene, do we
want him to succeed? Hellz yeah. We want to believe that crippling
setbacks can be overcome, and that we can get back into the game like
nothing ever happened.
That's "Burnt" in a nutshell.
Bradley Cooper plays a chef who had too much success too early
and after a self-imposed exile, goes to London to try to achieve his
3rd Michelin Star. After assembling his crack team of specialists, he
seems to be all set to take the culinary world by storm. The only
problem is...he's more Gordon Ramsay than Gordon Ramsay. In his striving
for perfection in his restaurant, he isolates himself and his attempts
to interact with regular humanity is stilted. Can he overcome all these hangups and earn Jedi Mastery? Overall, great film with Cooper playing simultaneously the fiercest oni and the warmest captain of the cooking ship.
Having never eaten anything cooked with the "sous vide" method, I really didn't understand this movie's...BEEF with this process.
The Revenant So vengeful spirits that haunt you from beyond the grave? Let's see,
there's Sadako from "the Ring," Kayako from "the Grudge," not counting
Ryan Reynolds in "RIPD," and joining their ranks is Leonardo DiCaprio in
"the Revenant." This Oscar-winning performance has Leonardo
DiCaprio face the harshness of the wilderness after being left for dead
by his fur-trapping buddies after getting attacked by Native Americans.
He was left intentionally dead by new Mad Max since that guy's character
is truly despicable, confirmed at the point where he kills he kid who
plays DiCaprio's son. And even after all the trials consisting of
snow-covered mountains, amoral Frenchmen, and perilous falls, he goes on
the roaring rampage of revenge against the Bane of his existence. Don't lose your waaaaaaaay! For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
Because if they didn't give him an Oscar for his performance in the Revenant, he would've surely killed himself in his next movie to achieve it...seriously, the man suffered hard for his artsy movie.
The Good Dinosaur Well Pixar ol boy, you raised my hopes with "Inside Out" and you made me cry with "The Good Dinosaur" and not in a good way! Well, give Pixar some props for making the first Western set before the idea of cowboys or horses, giving us a fuly Western atmosphere through sprawling landscapes and an almost "Magnificent Seven" score. In a funny twist, it is reminiscent of another Pixar movie, "Brave." What "Brave" accomplished with hair, "The Good Dinosaur" accomplished with beautiful landscapes, given that both are feats in animation. Also taking pages from the playbook of "Brave," the story and plot are pretty much two other Disney properties mashed together; while "Brave" is essentially "Brother Bear" meets "Freaky Friday" and set in Scotland, "the Good Dinosaur" tries its hand at being a mish-mash of "the Lion King" and "Finding Nemo" set in the prehistoric frontier. It is slightly darker in tone as well, with essentially cultist pterodactyls that demand sacrifice, Native American Styrcosaurus who might have ingested one too many natural hallucinogenic substances, our two protagonists tripping out on their own hallucinogenic substances, and Sam Elliot as a cattle-herding T-Rex who has to ferociously fight cattle-rustling velociraptors,
But despite all this madness, there is a certain charm that I'm sure will be some 6 year old's gateway into dinosaur love as it was for somebody of the previous generation and "Land Before Time."
As we all know, Disney is no stranger to having their character undergo the most disorienting of delusions.
The Intern For movies like "the Intern" you wonder just how well do the scriptwriters understand real life. Unless the actual old people in their lives are as genuine, heartfelt, and cool as Robert DeNiro plays his character, I do believe they're never really met an average senior citizen before. Trying to fill a void in his life, Robert DeNiro's character becomes an intern for an e-shopping business, reporting directly to the workaholic boss, played by Anne Hathaway, and eventually reaches a point where he becomes her most trusted advisor in matters both personal and professional. Really nice story and just seeing how DeNiro's godfatherly, old-school charm has positive impact on everyone at the workplace. Zootopia "Who's your friend who makes you laugh and cry?" DIS-NEY! DIS-NEY! "Who's the best with talking animals?" DIS-NEY! DIS-NEY! "Who has the best voice-acting casts?" DIS-NEY! DIS-NEY! "Zootopia" is the new amazing film from Disney animation and as is typical of their films of late, it is full of top-notch animation, fantastic voice-acting cast, intriguing story, and unbelievably human characters (even though, they are, in fact, all animals). The two main leads are the best guides to this incredible world, the optimistic and high-energy bunny cop voiced by Ginnifer Goodwin and the ever-hustling, fast-talking fox voiced by Jason Bateman. Judy the bunny is a great determinator character and doesn't let anything get her down, and Nick the fox is another lovable rogue in the same vein as Aladdin and Flynn Rider. As they solve the mystery plaguing the city, we also dig into their pasts and motivations as well as enjoy the antics of the creature-themed city and animal inhabitants around them. What's even more fascinating is that the movie seems to take our current world drama about racism and turn it into a child-friendly, colorful, easy-to-digest story with the morals being two-fold: love your neighbor and try to be more than you are. For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
So after being one of the protagonists of the most successful Disney movies ever (Frozen), what else does she do for the Mouse? Be a her most favorite animal ever. No really guys, she LOVES SLOTHS!
Neighbors When you push past the crude sex, drugs, alcohol, and other bodily
functions jokes in "Neighbors," it's actually the tale of two new
parents, played by Seth Rogan and Rose Byrne, who think they can
reconnect with their wild and crazy glory days when a the house next
door becomes a fraternity house, but upon the realization that this
party life ain't for them anymore, come up with ingenious ways to fight
to take back their tranquility and mundane lives. At the same time, the
fraternity, led by Zac Efron and Dave Franco, have their ultimate goal
of being the wildest partyers tested when confronted with their own
looming future of adulthood and the prospect of growing old and boring
like their neighbors. TL;DR clash of clashes between two parties whose very way of life is threatened by the other...in suburbia.
The Jungle Book (2016) In the grand total of 3 direct Disney adaptations of their own animated
features (4 if your count Maleficent), Jon Favreau's "The Jungle Book"
has surpassed my expectations and made the story pretty darn amazing.
The characters are all pretty much spot-on, with their celebrity
voice-overs doing them great justice (of note, Ben Kingsley playing the
commanding protector and Bill Murray being the lovable slacker with a
good heart), and some characters have even been improved upon,
notable amongst them being the wolf pack family and Mowgli himself. In
this version, he's not so much the Load, the one to be rescued
CONSTANTLY; instead, they made him the innovator, the bucker of
tradition, and pretty much leagues more capable than previously thought
possible. Another interesting twist on a familiar character is King
Louie, or should I say Don Louie. Complete with his new gangster persona
is his new standing as a mythical, huge hulking ape instead of a
jive-talkin' orangutan. Behind the story we all know is this
interesting, strangely political power balance trying to be achieved,
with Shere Khan exerting a tyrannical dominance over all the jungle
creatures, despite logic dictating that the majority of these creatures,
having human-like intelligence, should be able to fight back against
one hateful, racist tiger. And not until Mowgli, trying to find his
place in the world, realizes where his responsibilities and home really
lie, becomes an unlikely, unwilling figurehead of the rebellion against
angry, stripey kitty.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
HILARIOUS reference to the fact that Christopher Walken voices King Louie
Sherlock: The Abominable Bride
Dunno if it really counts as a movie, but "Sherlock: the Abominable
Bride" sure felt like one. Finally putting them Baker Street Boys in
their proper time period, they try to solve a mystery of a vengeful
ghost lady, but is she really? And is everything as it seems?
Great
acting, lots of great set pieces and costumes, turning our modern crime
drama back into the period piece it's supposed to be, fascinating story,
and just references to the classic works of Arthur Conan Doyle make it a
grand ol' mega episode.
Funnily enough, I was able to deduce how the Abominable Bride was able to ghost her way around because of an old episode of "Magic School Bus" that explained this old stage trick.
Gods of Egypt
Oh lawd above..."Gods of Egypt" was a marvelous and spectacular piece of crap.
If I were to explain a film's plot badly, it would sound a little too
much like the Lion King...except that Scar, as played by Gerard Butler,
went and disfigured Simba, who has to regain his honor and retake the
throne after some time away from the kingdom, Timon is trying to save
the soul of his dead lover, and...Rafiki as played by Geoffrey Rush, is on a river boat in space, trailing the sun behind him and fending off Galactus/Parallax from devouring his discworld.
While the plot is cliche, the characters ridiculously 2 dimensional,
the effects laughably cheesy, the lines very cringeworthy, and the actor
chemistry being nonexistent, it is a fantastic (albeit stupid as all
heck) take on the weirdness of the Ancient Egyptian mythology. Save this
one for a bad movie night.
When Captain Barbossa finds another boat to commandeer, he saves us all!
X-Men Apocalypse
"If we can agree on one thing, the 3rd film is always the worst." - Jean Grey, in this movie speaking the truth.
While this isn't a strictly the third film, "X-men Apocalypse" is the
3rd time they've used the cast from the prequels, so I'm counting it as a
trilogy. While the first movie had compelling characters, an
interesting setting in both time and environment, and the most bromantic
Xavier and Magneto have ever been, the 2nd movie gave us
characterization in spades, decent
action, beloved actors, and crisscrossing the timestreams for great
effect. This one...gave us a Quicksilver scene that completely trumped
the previous one, because he's saving people all over the X-mansion to
the sweet techno sound of Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams...
When an ancient evil is unleashed upon the world in the 80s, we get to
see our favorite Mutants (yes the favs, not like the ragtag bunch in
First Class) band together for the first time to take down the Mutant
delusional enough to believe he's a god and with the hax&OP powers
to back up that claim.
While I mentioned that Days of Future Past
had so much character building, this one wasn't devoid of it either,
most noticeable in the scenes with Magneto and with the newbies. And
while the action and effects are decent, there really isn't anything
outstanding. The best thing about this would probably that they're
finally getting the look of the Xmen right, giving us the best costumes
of the entire spectrum of Xmen movies.
Highly enjoyable but it
succumbs to the same problem of "Kung-fu Panda 3": after getting blown
away by the 2nd installment, and the 3rd installment just leaves you
feeling not as fulfilled, you tend to feel like it was worse than it
was.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
I bet my inhuman love for cats counts as a mutation.
Now You See Me 2
When the hustlers get hustled by Harry Potter of all people, you know that this film might be a bit ridiculous.
"Now You See Me 2" gives us our previous pretentious titled
Robin-Hood-MO stage magicians, the Horsemen, featuring Jesse Eisenberg,
Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco, and peppy newcomer to supplant that
redhead lass, Lizzy Caplan, in a bit of hot water, landing them in
Macau. It's up to the uneasy alliance of Mark Ruffalo and Morgan
Freeman, especially since we see some of
their sordid history this time around, to help them out, especially
after a high-stakes heist befitting their elaborate and elegant
trickery.
The funny thing
about this film is that it reels you in exactly in the same manner as
the magicians these actors play, giving you a sense of mystery that you
MUST keep on watching or else you'll miss something, or you go in hoping
that their explanation won't leave you feeling completely stupid. And
while the plot is fairly standard and the characters are more outrageous
caricatures, you can't help but feel reeled in with the most burning of
questions...is magic real here?
And despite Daniel Radcliffe being
in this movie, he's strangely enough more of a tech wizard than a
traditional wand-waving one.
Oh yeah. Jay Chou is in this movie too in a completely forgettable, blink-and-you'll-miss-him, role as a magic shopkeeper's grandson.
Divergent
Since "Divergent" put almost no effort into crafting an original story,
characters, romantic subplot, dystopian future, nor tired YA novel
series adaptation cliches, I shall only do the same and yoink from more
creative descriptive minds than me:
Basically, caste system, specialized roles, a couple of chosen ones to fight the system, yadda-yadda-yadda.
Insurgent
So as much as I picked on "Divergent" for having no differences from
other YA adaptations with a dystopian future and categorizations and
stuff, it wasn't until "Insurgent" that I realized in what way it
actually differs:
There is a HUGE emphasis on "Matrix"/"Inception" dream sequences / trip out delusions.
So a little step forward in making themselves at least more stunning visually than its previous film, but still not enough to make me enjoy the character or half-assed plot points.
Also, hi Wally West. Who knew you would pop up here before you even get your superspeed debut?
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
In another great instance of the trailers being completely misleading,
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2" is NOT about the underage girl finding a
nice Greek boy to marry and make Greek babies with.
Of the three
major conflicts of the film, the biggest deal is allocated to Grandpa,
who finds out, in his research for lawyer-friendly ancestry.com,
that he was never legally married. So in addition to our main gal's
daughter choosing to leave her crazy family to study elsewhere and the
problem-solving Toula having to learn to let go of her family's issues
and just be herself, it becomes a big ol buildup to the big fat Greek
wedding of the elderly.
Really fun, wacky antics of so many crazy
relatives, and super relatable to anyone who comes from a culture with a
big emphasis on family.
Allegiant
"I guess it IS shocking to me. Shocking that the more I learn about the past, I feel like you're making the same mistakes over and over again," - Triss, talking about this movie?
With "Divergent" being a shameless ripoff of more popular films of the genre, and "Insurgent" being a little better since we get some character development and more emphasis on dream diving, where does "Allegiant" stand?
A big ol' frog's leap backwards. We are given the same "don't trust the
people in charge because they loco" song and dance from the new people
in charge, we get the same Reed Richards betrays everyone brouhaha that
worked SO VERY WELL the last couple times, the main protagonists are in
the same kinda pickle that requires the other to valiantly unpickle
them, and, of course, not a satisfying conclusion at all. Good grief, somebody really needs to put this franchise out of their misery...how about you Netflix or Hulu?
Surely it's a red flag when one of these people is in charge of the whole scientific experiment society thing.
Free State of Jones Who remembers "Defiance?" The movie that features James Bond and (a)
Sabertooth saving Jews during World War II by hiding out in a forest?
That's essentially what "The Free State of Jones" is.
Matthew McConaughey stars as the man who got fed up with the
Confederate side during the end part of the American Civil War, and
after going home, finds that the Confederate soldiers stationed there
are worse than the people he's been fighting. Thus, he rebels even
further and is hunted down. After taking
refuge with some escaped slaves, he builds a community that defends
themselves in a swamp, consisting of other Confederate deserters and
more escaped slaves. Together, white and black, man and woman, fight as
equals to defend themselves and what is rightfully theirs. While
this is a great premise upon itself, that's only the first half...the
2nd half is a lot more of a downer as McConaughey takes up the burden of
helping the black population grow from being slaves to US citizens...a
burden as anybody who paid attention in history class, and even paying
attention to the current news, is an ongoing struggle. A bit
disjointed in its storytelling, but kind of makes up for it with the
phenomenal acting and the grit & determination displayed by the
characters.
Now just imagine what would've happened if Matthew McConaughey was replaced with Mike Myers.
Ghostbusters Trepidation, cautious optimism, and just the loud wondering if whether
or not the same lightning can be caught in a bottle were all reactions
to when people saw the trailer. Or in this case, the same ghosts of good feelings can be caught in the ghost trap.
I refer to it as Gal(!)Ghostbusters, but the powers that be simply call
it "Ghostbusters," and while it is a fun ride and not what I would call
a "love letter" (More like the rough draft of a note of longing you
tape/magnet to a crush's locker), I cannot say it is better than the original.
While the first one's humor rests more solidly on deadpan delivery,
quotable lines, and characters being lovably cuckoo, this version has a
lot of times where the camera would just rest on the ladies and let them
be their funny selves and ramble. The characters themselves are pretty
much their actors with a few tweaks, with the exception of Kate Mckinnon
who fully becomes an eccentric mad scientist with an almost permanent
grin and larger than life attitude. I'll have to credit this in the
same way that I credited "Dawn of Justice" for being kind enough to
resort to callbacks and references to the previous incarnation of the
Paranormal Sentai Ghostbusters, but all in all that's just a cheap
tactic for making weak movies seem strong. Overall, it's pretty much got
the same blood running through its veins as "The Force Awakens" with it
basically rehashing the first film to play it safe and to ease us into
our familiar yet all-new surroundings, but with enough visual flair and
"interesting" characters to be entertaining.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here. For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
The rationale behind making the Ghostbusters into gals.
Who was the original ghost hunter?
Pacman.
What did Namco do to keep the game going even though nothing about it changed?
Woman.
Zoolander No. 2 The first "Zoolander" can best be summed up as "an absurdist comedy that still maintains the human element"
So when they make "Zoolander2," do we get more of what made the first
one great even after all the jokes should be stale and tired? Yes, yes we do. But are the jokes stale and tired? I don't think so!
We are given the same Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller wacky chemistry, the
same kind of mispronunciation gags, more completely out-of-left-field
celebrity cameos, the continuation of nonsequiter scenes that just make you go "whaaaaaaat," further ridiculous conspiracies about the fashion
industry, and yet again, Will Ferrell felt like taking crazy pills.
But as the first time was so bizarre and nonsensical in a good way,
more of the same, with different situations and contexts, is greatly
appreciated. It's exactly what you expect from a continuation of the
chronicles of the bizarro world where really really really ridiculously
good-looking people are so hot right now.
This movie teaches us that apparently if enough people do the Blue Steel look, telekinesis spontaneously happens.
Jason Bourne Let's talk about "shaky cam," the style of cinematography where you try
to convey more action and "realism" by NEVER holding the camera still.
The "Bourne" series of films have been called out on this seemingly
major irritant to enjoyable viewing, but I must admit that it never
bothered me before. "Jason Bourne" however, has made me re-evaluate my position on this. Roughly 80% of the movie is shot with the cameraman seeming to go through withdrawal symptoms. And I think I was
able to forgive the shaky cam in the past because the action scenes
were fast-paced, action-filled, and edited well enough for me to
overlook it. Not so now since so much of the movie was just following
people down hallways, streets, or other places on the way to the action.
Build up to action scenes is a fine tactic, but when it drags on too
long, there is no way the action scene will be mind-boggling enough to
justify the slog. And the story? What story? Most I could get was just that it was trying to be relevant because technology spying on us or something?
Suicide Squad Having read a sparse amount of Suicide Squad, Secret 6, and other
anti-hero/primarily-villains-you're-supposed-to-root-for teams by the
fine people at DC, I already knew what the fundamental problem of
"Suicide Squad" was going to be...they're touted as "bad guys" (and the
movie will remind you of that CON-STANT-LY) but lo and behold, we
sympathize with, enjoy watching, and ultimately WANT the "bad guys" to
win. Quite frankly, I don't believe anyone can be 100% a dick, but they
sure did a poor job of establishing why the audience should feel aghast
at any of their actions, even with gratuitous, quick-edited, and
color-filled backstories for 3 of the 7 squad members. So along with
the mixed messages of how to feel about the characters, the best would
have to be their boss, Amanda Waller (non-fat version) as played by
Viola Davis. Having only seen one episode of "How to get away with
Murder," I can only conclude that Viola is playing this role as an
amped-up version of the teacher from that show. Manipulative, cold, and
completely ruthless in her dealings with all living souls. And
based on my own predictions of the movie, it was way off. Tharja
from Fire Emblem Awakening summoning an evil army of liquid tar people
and a swirling vortex of terror and lightning to take over the world was a far cry from what most people were hoping for, that after a warm-up act with
the magical lady of doom, that they'll focus on attacking the Joker.
The Joker himself, hyped as he was for being such a radically different take on the Jokers we're used to seeing, became no more than a
glorified cameo with some plot significance...like Wonder Woman in "Dawn
of Justice." Enjoyable, with (relatively) likable characters, and a
most basic story...unlike the previous two DC movies, which gave us
enjoyable, but with majority unlikable characters and
convoluted-to-the-point-of-disgust plots. For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here. For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here and here.
Not a bad guess; and there really was such a petty request from an inmate.
Batman: Attack on Arkham In the continuing trend of WB animation churning out a better quality
movie than the live-action blokes, "Attack on Arkham" is the superior
Suicide Squad movie. Whilst the live-action version seemed to think
that what this movie needed was honor amongst thieves and camraderie out
of nowhere, we rarely get that in the animated version, the closest we
get to them actually coming together is several instances of watching
each other's backs between the beast and the (ice-cold) beauty,
and Harley & Deadshot having a romp in the sheets. The rest of the
time, it's a lot of backstabbing, double crossing, differences in
ideologies, snark at their teammates' expense, and a whole host of other
issues you get when you force DANGEROUS CRIMINALS into a group
situation for a goal that they all can't agree on. Plus, the threat
is much more manageable for characters of their caliber: sneak into the
loony bin, steal a thing, cause tons of havoc, and leave, hopefully
without inciting the wrath of the Bat or the Clown (didn't work). Much
better setup than "save the world from crazy Ancient Mayan
belly-dancer." But the biggest saving grace of the animated movie?
PEOPLE ACTUALLY DIE! I can't believe I'm saying this about a group of
people I'm supposed to root for, but when you want the bad guys stopped,
you want them taken out. Kill count for Suicide Squad: 2/9. Kill count
for Attack on Arkham: 4/7 If you want to introduce yourself to what
the Suicide Squad is all about, do yourself a favor and watch this
movie before you see the one where they're all ohana.
It's funny because Harley kept calling Deadshot "cowboy" and even though this version isn't even remotely close to resembling Will Smith, parallel was made in my mind. ^0^
Kubo and the Two Strings
For too long the name Kubo has been associated with the hack who came up
with the manga series "Bleach," but now, the public consciousness will
thankfully be talking about a better Kubo.
"Kubo and the Two
Strings" has the hallmarks of many a great Japanese myth, a simple hero,
accompanied by fantastical creatures, goes on an epic fetchquest to
vanquish the monsters that have taken so much from him. But the funny
thing is, it's a wholly original idea, from the same folks who made
stop-motion classics, such as "Coraline." Not only is the artistry of
the film a gorgeous marvel, but the characters and story are phenomenal,
full of laughs, tragedies, and humanity, as evidenced by the amazing
voice-acting work and creativity in the settings and lore.
Definitely a must-see if you're a fan of the best kind of puppet shows. For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
Fire breathing chicken from Japan? Where have I seen that one before...
Ip Man 3
What's this? An Ip Man movie without the classification of any one race as inherently a-holes? Miracles!
"Ip Man 3" continues the story of the man with the fast fists and the
calmest disposition who fights the power. In the first film, he fought
the Japanese. In the 2nd, he fought the British. In this one, he fights
organized crime as they set out to terrorize his son's school.
While that might seem like a downgrade, I do enjoy that the bad guys are bad guys; simple as that. And
the end-fight between their boss, played by Mike Tyson trying his
darnedest to make his Cantonese sound rethpectable, and our hero is
truly amazing, bringing the previous boxer vs martial artist fight in
the 2nd film to shame. As always though, it's not just about
fantastic fights, but it's also about Man learning how to be more of a
caring family man, and being (even more) warmer towards his fellow man.
All culminating in his final fight not actually being for national pride
nor survival, but more of a friendly (but still intense) bout between
two practitioners of the same style, departing not as enemies but as
respected martial artists. Also, young Bruce Lee stand-in is hilarious in all his attempts to channel the spirit of the legend.
Storks As far as movie plots go, how much more nonsensical can you get than
forming a world around the collective tall-tale of squeamish parents who
don't want to explain what's the real deal about the stuff between your
legs? "Storks" may lack an engaging plot and any semblance of
common sense in this mad mad mad world, but it is truly a cartoon in all
sense of the word, comparable to the energy, delivery, and straight up
comedy gold to stuff like Chuck Jones and Genndy Tartakovsky.
The characters are all amazingly funny (except one little weirdo who
every time he appeared on screen just made things awkward and sucked me
out of the movie), with the two main leads supplying most of the humor,
essentially turning this movie into a most delightfully zany adventure
with Andy Samberg and Pinkie Pie. It's not purely a barrel of laughs
though. There is a a center of heartfeltness and unbearable cuteness,
and it balances out this film fairly well. Overall, I am starting to
believe in Warner Bros Animation again. To further emphasize their new
masterful handle on animation and humor, they included a short in front
of this movie "built" in the same vein as the LEGO Movie. Watch this
movie if you want to laugh.
So this movie basically depicted wolves the same way that "Finding Nemo" showed us how moonfish swarming worked.
Chef Having only seen Jon Favreau's acting chops through his depiction of Tony Stark's bumbling bodyguard/driver, I didn't know what to expect out of "Chef." Thankfully, he delivers with a performance full of passion and heart.
Favreau stars as a chef at the end of his rope in almost every aspect
of his life, but after a turnaround, he finds a way to make food he
wants, be his own boss, and bond with his young son: have his own food
truck. What follows is the journey of a man across the country, picking
up local flavors and establishing precious memories with his boy.
Each of Favreau's friends, notable stars like Robert Downey Jr,
Scarlett Johanson, and John Leguizamo, churn out good performances and
give you believable characters. But the real star is the
scrumptious-looking food as it's prepared and as it's served. Just try
not feeling hungry after seeing the man prepare a Cuban sandwich of
dreams.
It sure ain't that simple...you need a sandwich press too!
Tropic Thunder
Truly a film for movie lovers, "Tropic Thunder" brings the laughs at
this ridiculous behind-the-scenes look at the struggle of making a movie
when everyone has issues. Deep and thoroughly insane issues.
All
the actors are phenomenal to watch, including by far one of the most
convoluted performances by Robert Downey Jr. and the most entertainingly
obnoxoious, foul-mouthed, and belligerent cameo from Tom Cruise.
Watch this if you're in for a laugh at the expense of the movie industry.
If you give Jack Black enough cocaine, marvelous things will happen.
Hellboy I always found the phrase "better the devil you know than the devil you
don't" a little bit weird because who wants to be familiar with a demon?
Well, if he's Ron Perlman depicting a stereotypical red devil (complete
with horns and a tail) but who also thinks muttonchops works well with
Japanese man-bun and has a soft spot for kitties and pancakes? Hell
yeah, "Hellboy" is the demon to know.
Brought about by wacky Nazis tampering with the natural order, but taken in by a kind American
paranormal expert, this monstrous figure is part of a secret government
agency that deals with the otherwordly entities way out of the
jurisdiction of the Men in Black and the Ghostbusters. His latest
adventure involves foiling an evil plot by a steampunk cyborg Nazi ninja
and Rasputin himself because nobody wants hellhounds and
lawyer-friendly Eldritch abominations around right? At times, this
Guillermo del Toro flick has all his trademarks of edgy, creepy but not
gross, tendency to use practical and CG effects, and lots of visual
flair during action scenes, but at other times, the acting is a little
stilted and you're only drawn in by how good the visuals are. But then
again, I was never a fan of the art style of the graphic novels made
famous by Mike Mignola, so as far as direct translations goes, it made
it look much better. Watch it if you're feeling like seeing how the things that go bump in the night get bumped back by a giant stone fist.
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children So what happens when you throw in a heaping helping of X-men, add a
little bit of Percy Jackson, put in a dash of Groundhog Day, toss in
some horrific Slenderman aesthetic to the villains, and marinate it all
in Tim Burton's brain? "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children."
An interesting tale of how an ordinary sixteen-year old finds how his
grandfather used to be involved with a bunch of mutant children and
their Time Lord/Animorph headmistress, and how this Ender becomes
integral in their struggle against invisible tentacle monsters led by
Samuel L. Jackson. Fascinating adaptation and full of Tim Burton
flavor. The best thing though? It doesn't BEG for a sequel, but gently
raises its hand asking the masses for a new chance in the future.
Scary Samuel L. Jackson transforms from scary to
SCARIER!!
Star Trek Beyond Say what you will about the JJ Abrams vision of Star Trek, it's definitely full of excitement.
This is fully embodied in "Star Trek Beyond," where they got the
director of the Fast and the Furious movies to give us some of the best
action featuring the crew of the Enterprise. The trade-off is that
despite each of the main crew members getting their time to shine
onscreen, the characterization is not as strong as the previous movies
which really dug into the characters' essence.
(well, main characters of Kirk and Spock) Little bits of growth, and it's more
in the Scotty department with his 2nd assistant/potential love interest
of Jayla, the lone badass survivor on a hostile planet, which only makes
sense since Simon Pegg was one of the brilliant minds who had a hand in
crafting this movie as well. Overall, another grad adventure in
space and in a foreign planet, meeting new people, finding new (old)
technology, and letting their characters shine in these predicaments.
And the moral of this story? When confronted with a killer swarm from beyond the stars, YOU SHOW THEM THE POWER OF ROCK!
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Have you ever seen those people who bring animals onto the late night
talk shows and are clearly more at ease being with animals than with
people, and will excitedly tell you that the potentially dangerous
creatures they have brought with them are actually wonderful and amazing
and you should love them?
Eddie Redmayne in "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."
While he's not the most charismatic character in this movie, his love for the wondrous CG animals is almost infectious, almost to the point of Steve Irwin levels.
What could've been simply an amazing film about a wizard in New York
City during the Roaring 20s doing his best to keep his world-class
menagerie contained is elevated even further with a tale about neo-witch
burners, a dangerous force never before explored in the wizarding
world, an evil warlock's machinations behind the scenes, and the
zoologist and his new friends getting caught up along in the maelstrom. Great story, imagination beyond compare, and acting that's pretty good, if not a little stiff and wooden at first. Highly recommend especially if you like critters of all shapes, sizes, and temperaments. For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
Moana If there's one thing we can rely on Disney for, it's bringing its
special lens of storytelling onto different parts of the world and
making movie magic. Now that lens has turned to the Pacific Islands
and some of its myths and legends, and we get "Moana" (Or "Moana:
Densetsu no Umi" or "Vaiana" in certain parts of Europe). This is
movie has the hallmarks of all the great Disney classics of the past,
while making things cool to look at with modern technology. The main
character herself is like a proper
fusion of Mulan, Merida, and Ariel's character, and while seeming
familiar in those ways, she has her own way of being herself, and that
makes her a great addition to the long list of Disney leading ladies.
The 2nd protagonist Maui, is Dwayne Johnson performing in a way akin to
the spirit of Robin Williams' Genie but also adding the facets of
grumpiness and massive ego to this gem of a character. Despite the
songs being penned by one of the great up&coming Broadway musical
songwriters, something about the music is holding me back from enjoying
them completely. While lyrical, catchy, and using the native instruments
to add great atmosphere to the movie, none of the songs really seem to
stick with me. With the exception of Moana's "I want" song being a great
anthem for the character and the actress giving it her all vocally, I
don't know if any of these will have the same hummable quality as stuff
done in the Lion King, Aladdin, or Tangled (so thankfully, no endless
spamming of another "Let it go"). Overall, if you're a Disney fan, this
will be another enjoyable adventure brought to you by the Mouse. To
which I'm pretty sure he'll simply say, "you're welcome."
So this is all it takes to have the Ocean choose you as its agent of change. Just imagine!
"My name is Stitch, from the island of Kauai. You will board my boat (draws guns) or else!"
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story "I am one with the Force, the Force is with me." "Just because I cannot see it, doesn't mean I can't believe it." - both dudes who dress in black & white
"Rogue One" is the prequel to Star Wars we've all been waiting for. The
cast gives us much more diversity in that Galaxy Far Far Away than
simply 'Mericans (&Brits?) and Aliens. Action packed, well acted,
and a story that is leagues above any ol' rehashing of a familiar script. The only gripe I have is that it is super hard to
remember the characters' names; I only referred to them as their
archetypes: protagonist girl, spy guy, blind kung-fu master, gun guy,
the pilot, and the robot. Apologies if this is short, but to reveal any more will be super spoiler stuff. For a creative overview from a fellow movie-reviewing friend that lists three pros and three cons, please go here.
When you have Alan Tudyk voicing a character, reference to past roles MUST be made.
The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Sometimes when a remake rolls around, what is usually expected that if
nothing else, the visuals and the action are improved from the original.
This is exactly the case for the 2016 version of "The Magnificent
Seven."
Plot's the same really; banditos, nay hired white
mercenaries under the bidding of a robber baron, besiege a simple town,
and the townsfolk find themselves saviors. What DID change however was
the diversity of the cast. In comparison to the original, they still gave
us accomplished gunslingers, but now their job classes range from
bounty hunter to religious-minded hermit and gambler played by Chris
Pratt to...Chinese ninja played by a Korean? All in all, this update
gives us exactly what we expected out of a classic Western, but with
much more modern action sensibilities. So skip that game of Bang! and check out this star-studded shoot-em-up.
For all those decrying Hollywood for being bereft of ideas, plz. That's been going on since Moses was a baby.
Alice Through the Looking Glass Wow, who would've thought "Swashbuckling Pirate Queen Steals a Time Machine to Save her Friend and Mend a Broken Relationship between Two Queens" would be such a good movie!
...oh yeah, that's what it is, but it's actually called "Alice Through the Looking Glass."
In the same vein as Tim Burton swiping somebody's edgy fanfic of Alice in Wonderland, this new director takes an imaginative story, with interesting characters and intriguing mechanics of time-travel, but with one major problem: has absolutely NONE of the Lewis Carrol spirit. None of the characters are consistent with how they were depicted in the original novels, somewhat consistent with the previous movie's depictions of them, but really?
Sasha Baron Cohen is an interesting take on the personification of time as some sort of clockwork cyborg German with shades of the Grim Reaper as well, so not really a malevolent entity, but one who is slightly antagonistic all the same.
And we get the most tired of cliches with the backstory that the Mad Hatter's father didn't approve of the way he did things...almost exactly like Johnny Depp's other daddy issue from another Tim Burton retelling of a classic children's story. >_<
Overall, pass this unless you really want to see the characters from the previous movie show up in all their CG weirdness glory one more time.
Bit of a trip seeing him as a doctor in an asylum...
Central Intelligence
The movie poster tagline already took the best synopsis of "Central Intelligence" that anyone could muster: "Saving the world takes a little Hart and a big Johnson"
When one act of kindness in high school leaves the recipient like those three eyed aliens in "Toy Story 2," Kevin Hart is surprised that the Rock owes his newfound confidence to that act of kindness. What's even further baffling though, is how the Rock is still essentially a grown-up kid, and whether or not he is the culprit behind some horrible espionage crimes.
Crazy good chemistry between the two leads, and Dwayne Johnson really shows off his best psychopathic man-child act. Intriguing story since like any good spy tale, you don't know who to trust. Definite recommend for crazy action and crazier hijinks.
I have the nagging feeling that the Rock with a fanny pack has become an ascended meme because this old pic was comedy gold.
Legend of Tarzan
So what happens when you try to bring a civilized Tarzan back to the jungle to save Africa from the invading whiteys? He gets his ass kicked and you need to resort to bringing Samuel L. Jackson playing a naturalist/sharp-shootin' cowboy to help him out.
"The Legend of Tarzan" has Christoph Waltz forging an alliance with some tribe whose chief is angry at Tarzan for reasons and so lures him back to the jungle with the feigned offer of friendly diplomatic relations. Of course Jane gets kidnapped, Tarzan and a bunch of buddies, animal and human, must save her and stop a madman from enslaving the people of the Congo and getting more dangerous foreigners to their shores.
Pretty good movie but since it relies so heavily on the fact that the audience already knows the story of Tarzan and Jane, it would've really been helpful to have cued us in somehow without the use of random intermittent flashbacks to their past that broke up the flow of the story and the action. As usual, Samuel L. Jackson kinda steals the show a bit, being a fictionalized depiction of a real life person who brought about humanitarian change in the Congo, but we can forgive him for that since he livens up the movie tremendously. The Tarzan and Jane they got for this movie weren't bad, but seemed a little reserved and awkward at times.
Check it out if you're a fan of swinging from vines, fighting with wildlife, and yodeling calls of bravery.
Truly Tarzan's most superhuman of powers that most stories ignore.
Spy It's funny.
I was going through the Chinese video store and they changed the title of this movie to "The Sticking-out Spy." Which is certainly a more apt title than simply "Spy" starring Melissa McCarthy.
Due to double agents in the CIA, the tech support character Melissa McCarthy plays finds herself thrust into the field because nobody would suspect a person of her stature and demeanor to be a secret agent. And while this is both a humorous deconstruction and a straightforward spy flick, it really shows off the amazing cast of characters and their over-the-top performances.
Our main protagonist delivers as she can do almost all the stuff Bond can, Jason Statham is a grown-up version of that bragging kid on the playground who claimed to do impossible stuff, Jude Law plays the suave spy very well, and a whole host of other colorful characters make this film a treasure trove of funny.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Funny
how I watch one movie about mutants that defend a world that fears and
hates them and then watch another film about mutants that defend a world
that fears and hates them.
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of
the Shadows" is the film every ninja turtle fan has been waiting for.
The best part is that you don't even need to see the previous major
failure of a movie (Not even as a Ninja Turtles film, just a bad movie
in general). They only make two references to the previous film and for
all intents and purposes, they can be ignored, and you could see this
film by itself and have just a crazy fun time watching the cartoonish
antics of everyone involved.
Therein lies the double-edged sword
of its success though. While the former movie was trying its darnedest
to twist and pervert everything you loved about these unlikely heroes,
this one does all it can to just check off what the fans wanted on a
giant checklist without any actual idea what these elements should have
and how it'll make sense to tie in to the world they've previously
crafted. Albeit, while there is a lot of the ugly and stupid elements
removed from the previous iteration, new things pop up to bother both
fan and casual moviegoer alike.
As mentioned before, its strength
is in how much it borrows from the X-men factory of getting audiences to
care, what with the turtles getting "outed of the shadows" and seeing
baseline humanity have the worst reactions to them. Its secondary and
third strength is a greater emphasis on the humor and the cutback on
Megan Fox as April O'Neil screentime.
All in all, entertaining but a requirement is either turning off all logic centers in your brain or copious amounts of alcohol.
For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
For a more condensed and entertaining (spoiler-filled) review, go here.
Joke made by Nostalgia Critic years and years ago, and boy does the right theme song make you leave the theater feeling better about the whole experience.
Huntsman: Winter's War
Having never seen "Snow White and the Huntsman" (in its entirety; I really did try to sit through it but gave up not even a quarter of the way through), I believed I could still enjoy "Huntsman: Winter's War" without having to think back on a previous movie.
WELL LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THAT NOTION AND "LET IT GO!"
We start off in a bizarre twist, as a prequel Charlize Thereon and Emily Blunt play sister queens who, through great tragedy, Emily Blunt finds out she's essentially Elsa from "Frozen," and retreats to the northern half of Europe, kidnapping children along the way, and turning them into an elite fighting force. Chris Hemsworth reprises his role as the Huntsman known simply as Eric and he is the best of the best; unfortunately due to a meshing of love, magic, and good ol' fashioned stupid, he is banished from the frozen kingdom and the events of "Snow White and the Huntsman" play out.
Then the movie cuts to sequel time with the Huntsman now having to fetch the lost magic mirror with some dwarves, all the while fighting goblins (who resemble more horned angry gorillas than goblins) and his fellow badasses from olden times.
Quite honestly, this film lacks sense and good humor, but it certainly was tolerable to watch. Watching all the actors ham it up, enjoying their time in a fantasy adventure flick with such gusto, especially from Hemsworth, Thereon, and Blunt, was a good time. So good, you can almost forget this was a half-assed attempt to make this dark fantasy re-telling of the classic Snow White story a film franchise.
An easy way to enjoy this odd duck of a prequel/sequel is to imagine this as Chris Hemsworth's theme song.
The Imitation Game
I usually wonder about the kinds of actors that can portray the socially inept and whether or not they're just that good at their craft or if they got actual machines to play them.
Thankfully, I've seen several Benedict Cumberbatch works now and can safely assume he is not actually a thinking machine...erm, a mechanical man. But it sure is familiar seeing him play an arrogant intellectual dude with very little social graces in "The Imitation Game."
Mr. Cumberbatch plays a mathematician that takes it upon himself to be the puzzle solver to break the biggest Nazi puzzle to the Allies: the Enigma code machine. So Britain assembles a team of smarties to figure it out, but due to previous circumstances of Cumberbatch's character, he doesn't work well with others and wants to create a machine to figure out the secret for him. Along the way, he comes across Kiera Knightly who helps him be more social and helps him figure out not only the secret to the codes, but also to himself and how he can crack the code of interpersonal communication.
Plenty of good performances, deep and dramatic story, and lots of anxiety from the interpersonal tension.
Quite an uncanny likeness...except I'm sure Mr. Holmes has a bit more fierceness in his visage that just can't be denied.
The Angry Birds Movie The worldwide gaming phenomenon finally has their big-screen debut! And as Forrest Gump so delicately put it, "Lieutenant Dan...you've got legs!" "The Angry Birds Movie" shows us the power of social pariahs and giving into the Dark Side for righteous causes...notably stopping infanticide. A group of misunderstood, "passionate" dudes in a society of humanoid flightless birds is sentenced to anger management class after their shenanigans cause them to be the outcasts in their almost too idealistic community. When a kingdom of pigs come to their island and seem to be on a goodwill mission but in reality just want to eat their eggs, it's up to them to rally their avian brethren into using the pigs' own technology against them and regain what they stole. Humor out the wazoo, some a little too inappropriate for its target audience, ridiculously gorgeous animation and graphics, and some top-notch vocal talents, with plenty of easter eggs (har har) for fans of the game.
Since it's never explained why the Birds of this universe have gained super powers but no flight, I'm just going to speculate in the same way Stan Lee did when he came up with the X-men: mutation.
Ex Machina
A deeply disturbing and hella artsy-fartsy look at what it means to be human, to have created life, what is love, and all that other Frankenstein jazz, "Ex Machina" shows us hot woman and it sparks in the viewers a bunch of conflicting emotions because it's a robot woman...and possibly slavery.
A not!Google employee is offered a chance to go to their boss's hideaway in the wilderness to see his latest project: an android. The boss needs him to help the android learn to be more human, and while that seems like an innocuous enough project, the robot is modeled to resemble an attractive and shapely young woman. Thus begins the long and complex relation-building between the man, the machine, the machine's creator, and the tension between them all becomes thick enough to cut with a knife.
The entire time watching, there's always an edgy feel to the atmosphere. The small cast and the small homey complex gives a bit of a claustrophobic feel as well. And while this might be turn offs to some, it certainly gives the movie an amazing darkness without broadcasting it.
A brief bit of levity in an altogether way too serious movie. When Oscar Isaac passes away, please let this be his Oscar in-memoriam clip.
The Secret Life of Pets When it comes
to Illumination animated movies, it's very hit or miss. While there are
moments and scenes in any of their movies that are golden, there can
also be flat characters, uninspired story, and wonky decisions regarding
art style. Despite all that, "The Secret Life of Pets" is a
wonderful collection of scenes that any person who's owned a pet, or
enjoys the stereotypes of animals we've come to care for, can laugh and
appreciate. But storywise, it's essentially "Toy Story" with two dogs
at each other's throats, the group of friends trying to save them like
in "Toy Story 2," and, of all things, an antagonistic force of abandoned
pets who are La Revolution against humanity...and this is all played up
for laughs. For funny yet spoilery synopsis disguised as a trailer, go here.
Throw some yellow on this thing; they didn't even disguise the fact this was a Minion voice.
