Take Batman.
Now make him ridiculously campy, fun, and a paragon of do-goodery who is a friend to all children: Batman '66 with Adam West.
Now make him ridiculously buff, brutal, battle-weary, and ready to mercilessly beat down a good ol' boy with superhuman abilities: Dawn of Justice Batman with Ben Affleck.
That's essentially what "Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle" did for me. While I understand that the original tale penned by Rudyard Kipling is not the fun and happy time Disney has shown twice now, I do not understand Andy Serkis' decision to make so many changes to what the general public knows just to give them their own distinct flavor of DARKNESS! The only plus side I can see is that Kaa is depicted now as a neutral party that might actually be the spirit of the jungle itself. Otherwise, pass this dark take on the mancub up for a version with a little bit more liveliness to it.
Metropolis
"Metropolis" the anime movie shows us another future run by corrupt government officials who live in their spires far away from the downtrodden people and robots. While a crazy plot is underway to make one hawk-nosed man ruler of the whole planet and a revolution is also starting up against the highfalutin citizens of the upper levels, a simple gumshoe and his nephew find themselves as the spanner in the works when they accidentally abduct a key component of the dastardly plot: the android who looks like a little blonde girl. Inspired by the godfather of manga as we know it, Osamu Tezuka, this film's aesthetic has a lot of his distinct style along with lots of nods to classic cartoons like Betty Boop and the like. Despite these fresh takes on merging animation styles, the story and characters are a bit incomprehensible. There's this one Protoman lookalike who mucks up things so much for both sides that his flimsy motivation of blind-hatred-of-machines makes him a weird character in the narrative sense. The main protagonists are dropped from place to place and event to event like Fievel in "An American Tail" and they really have very little say in anything that goes on. Would still recommend based on the artistry alone though.
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| IS THIS YOUR WAIFU?! |
"5 Centimeters per Second" is a film by Makoto Shinkai of "Your Name" fame which is notable for its gorgeously painted backgrounds, and for exploring the themes of love, of the distance in human relationships and of growth. I recommend it to anyone who wants a grounded story that tugs at the heartstrings.
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny
Say what you will about the ridiculousness of the first "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," it made kung-fu epics acceptable on the worldwide stage again. So with "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny" being a Netflix-only affair, I guess you can say that this particular installment was not ready for the same kind of scrutiny. On one hand, better than its predecessor, but on the other hand, still lacking in many aspects. Ironically, feels very much like an old school Western with the righteous warrior and a quirky band of warriors having to defend a place from ne'er-do-wells. So with a tried & true premise like that, it should've been a bulls-eye right? Nope. The main draw is definitely the martial arts mayhem, but hard to stay invested in the characters or the story.
In this Corner of the World
A cute story about a young woman living in 1940s Japan, learning to live with her husband's family and finding art and beauty in almost all things...for the first 2/3 of the movie. Because this part of Japan is Hiroshima and we all know what happens to Hiroshima during World War II. Still, a story worth telling.
Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You
The first episode of Pokemon premiered on the UPN channel in 1998...so yeah, a LOT has happened to this entertainment juggernaut since then. Which is probably why the powers that be rebooted the story with the simple premise of it-starts-out-roughly-the-same-but-there's-a-twist, with "Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You." If you've played the FireRed, LeafGreen, HeartGold, SoulSilver, AlphaRuby, or OmegaSapphire games, you know that this is strangely the same kinda tactic. They've taken the familiar and added all the new monsters and gameplay mechanics to try and bolster your nostalgia for the previous thing. Not a bad thing in itself, as I've just shoved every new season into my multiverse theory, but in a strange way, this movie also tries to hammer in some emotion, specifically the bond between the main character and his yellow sparkle mouse. Twice the audience is treated to "well that was a dark twist; did they really go there?" Still, if you're a fan of Pokemon, there is so much worse that you can go through than this fun retread of the past.
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| So in this new timeline, Ash's team is already pitifully small...and the aftercredits only HINT at him catching this happy lil sap-suckin' bean. Well, at least he'll have less Pokemon to ditch as he explores each new region. |
So the big joke when you watch enough movies is that sometimes things seem mighty similar to each other.
Like, "Speed" is "Die Hard on an out-of-control bus" and "Air Force One" is "Die Hard on a plane" and "Paul Blart" is "Die Hard at a mall."
So how to describe Dwayne Johnson's "Skyscraper?"
Die Hard...on a TALLER BUILDING! IN HONG KONG!
And the only new things it brings to the table is that the hostages actually do something other than be hostages...and the Rock is missing a foot half the time, but you can hardly tell.
How to Train Your Dragon 3: the Hidden World
“How to Train Your Dragon 3: the Hidden World” is an excellent film. Looks gorgeous, humor on point (a return to form I could say), a bigger a-hole villain than last time, the subtle allegory of dragons as "the other" returns, the full realization of both of them as Hokage, and a most fitting conclusion to the story of a boy and his cat-horse-lizard.
Also, best fan nickname for the Light Fury I've seen so far is Toothpaste.
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| Yes, that's pretty much been me in all my romantic interests. |
Unbreakable
"Unbreakable" is the slow, scoreless, superhero story of the guy who ate the Invincible-Invincible Devil Fruit, keeps denying superpowers are possible, and yet finds himself taking up the great responsibility that comes with his great power. Also, no twist at all since Samuel L. Jackson always has an air of menace about him so it's very easy to see he's the bad guy...also the trailer from "Glass" spoiled it.
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| Another person whose weakness is drowning? Yeeeeup. |
"A Star is Born" is a story you've probably already seen or heard about if you watch the celebrity news. Heck, you've probably seen this movie if you've seen its 4 previous versions AND "The Artist." Probably only worth it for the prime songs, and even then that's what soundtracks are for.
The Grinch (2018)
"The Grinch" is Illumination's 2nd try to make a Dr. Seuss adaptation and while it is more faithful to the source material than Jim Carrey's version, it kind of overstays its welcome and for some reason thinks we need an overabundance of random characters including an overly jolly neighbor to the Grinch, a moose masquerading as a reindeer, and a whole crew of conspirators for Cindy Lou Who. It is brilliantly animated though and Benedict Cumberbatch crushes it as a grumpy curmudgeon who is mean, but not malicious.
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| Surprisingly, this old gif has relevance to the new movie. |
"Robin Hood (2018)" is what happens when you try to make a crazy cocktail out of Kevin Costner's "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," the first 2 seasons of "Arrow" on the CW, several Zorro elements, and a medieval take on the modern war in the Middle East...truly baffling choices in acting, directing, and story...also, blatant sequel hook with no chance of there ever being one.
Mary Poppins Returns
"Mary Poppins Returns" was touted as a sequel to the live-action Disney classic, and yet it feels so much like a reboot that why bother even calling it a sequel? Plus, they throw in a laughably cartoonish (literally at one point!) villain because...Q from the new Bond movies needed someone to match wits with? But on the positive side, the SPIRIT of the Disney classic is still there and the songs are still wonderful. Plus, Emily Blunt herself seems to channel the spirit of the book Poppins as well as Julie Andrews, with her suspiciously specific denial of anything fantastic happening around her. While nothing can replace the original's charm, this one has its own flavor of magical meets the mundane.
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| Quite honestly, the only good reaction to any plotholes that can be brought up by haters. |
The Favourite
"The Favourite" shows old Queen Anne, despite all her power, being reduced to essentially a problematic and needy toddler and the two women which held her heart, and by extension England, within their hands. As if someone decided to transcribe a version of "Mean Girls" into the 17th century, there was lots of cattiness, backstabbing, feigned innocence, and surprising ruthlessness indicative of the female species of Man. Not being familiar with politics, this was still a great show of how those in power will do almost anything to hold onto it, and screw whoever gets caught in the crossfire.
Captain Marvel
"Captain Marvel" makin' headlines as the first Marvel Cinematic Universe movie to make a woman its lead character...and yet she is constantly having the show stolen from her by her co-stars...one of which is a ginger tabbycat! As interesting as it was seeing this version of Carol Danvers go through her heroic cycle, the movie is saved by its 90s atmosphere, familiar faces suddenly younger, and a twist about the real enemies that you might have expected, but at the same time, your preconceived notions of which alien species are BAD might have blinded you from the truth...or not, but it certainly threw me for a loop.
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| Never. Underestimate. Kitty. |
Once upon a time Stan Lee realized since he's creating the new American mythology, so might as well pull from the old ones.
I don't get why people keep sleeping on this great origin story. Maybe it's the unfunny times when he's stuck in nowhere New Mexico as a mortal. Maybe it's just the grandiose nature of the characters being so un-relatable. Or maybe it's just because Loki didn't have long hair yet and was not OBVIOUSLY evil and megalomaniacal.
Either way, still hella decent movie.
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| Really at this point, all the jokes have been made. |
While the first "Godzilla" was about how BAD SCIENCE WEAPONS BAD, this one's more about BAD BUREAUCRACY STRANGLES DISASTER RELIEF WITH RED TAPE!
Probably the most unnerving of re-imaginings of the Big G, this critter goes through metamorphoses as it unwittingly rampages through the city, leading to panicky citizens, lots of damage, and the government frantically trying to come up with a solution.
Also, Kamata-kun (his fetal chicken-lizard form) is doing his best. Cut him some slack.
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| Shin G is one scary-looking dude. |
Bumblebee
Well color me surprised: “Bumblebee” is the first Transformers movie since the 2007 film that made me feel good. It’s not grand cinema for sure, but the characters, both human and Cybertronian, are at least actual three-dimensional characters. Also, the Bee is such a precious cinnamon roll, you can hardly believe it was the same bot who peed on John Turturro.
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| How 80s flavored do you want it? VERY? VERY GOOD! |
This movie made me, as a Pokemon fan since 1997, quite happy. Sure, the story is kind of basic, but there were a couple of twists in there I legitimately did not see coming. Plus, the aesthetics of all the monstrous critters really looked cool, like a perfect blend of their game sprites and what they might look like in real life. Ryan Reynolds himself brought a lot of charm to a rodent I've grown tired of seeing as the mascot of a franchise, injecting a much needed quirky/sassy personality to the electric rodent. But I am wondering what some of the outtakes are when he could lose his PG-ness and really go all out in his expressiveness.
Fun for kids and fans, but for anyone who doesn't care about the pocket monsters, think of this as more like a younger generation's "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," that is to say, a relatively dark noir tale with a central mystery and a hapless detective & sidekick duo trying to get to the bottom of it, and along the way, stop a calamity.
The LEGO Ninjago Movie
A long time ago, Harry Chapin wrote the song "Cat's in the Cradle," which became the very definition of the odd dynamic of absentee fathers and estranged sons.
Why do I bring this up?
"LEGO Ninjago Movie" is pretty much that.
Except one is a country-conquering maniac with extra limbs and the other his resentful offspring with the lamest superpower ever.
While not as brilliant in comedy or storytelling as the other theatrical LEGO movies (added bonus is that you don't need to know any of the pre-established lore from the books or TV show), this one is fair-to-middling simply because of the creativity of the LEGO world (par for the course) and a hilarious gag with a live-action cat named Meowthra, which essentially IS a kaiju to LEGO folks.
Trolls
Kudos Dreamworks. You showed me what "Fraggle Rock" would look like if funded by Hobby Lobby and singing celebrities.
2016's animated hit based on an ancient toyline, "Trolls" showed what happens when beings that resemble elves and fairies and Smurfs more than hulking monstrosities are hunted for being magically delicious. I shrugged it off as a vanity project like "Bee Movie," "Home," and "Ugly Dolls" (2/3 of examples listed are Dreamworks so don't tell me there wasn't a precedent), but was pleasantly surprised that this jukebox musical used their songs to great effect, ALL the main characters are multifaceted, having "layers" if you will, and the aesthetics were delightful for their DIY feel in certain parts (almost all the wild monsters looked like they escaped out of Yoshi's Wooly World or Kirby's Epic Yarn). Highly recommend if you want to see a bevy of foils (optimistic vs pessimistic, shrinking violet pining for the self-obsessed brat, etc) work off each other for great comedic effect & surprising pathos.
Sorry Cyndi & Phil; this is my new favorite version of this song.
Small Foot
As far as classic monsters to be the new hotness goes, I certainly never expected the Bigfoot/Yeti to suddenly be the focus of so many animated movies, with the first of the trend being "Small Foot."
Classic WB aficionados will remember the monstrous, furry, red guy seen in Looney Toons, and combined with the Bumble from the classic Rankin-Bass Rudolph stop-motion, you get the basic look of this movie's depiction of the yeti. What's fascinating is the whole lore that these abominable snowpeople have that encompass their religion, their way of life, and why they do what they do. That all changes for one unlucky dude who manages to find proof of humanity beyond the edge of the unknown. Shenanigans ensue when he finds one (a Steve Irwin stand-in voiced by James Corden) and brings it back to his people. A grander conspiracy is unveiled and both bigfoot and smallfoot must learn to live in each other's shoes for peace between the species to have a chance.
Surprisingly good voice cast (despite many of the characters again consisting of big-time movie stars who don't HAVE to give such stunning performances, but they do), excellent physical humor (this is WB we're talking about; if they won't learn fro Looney Toons, who will?), and a not TOO heavy-handed allegory about how to treat "the other" make for a very satisfying movie.
Blade Runner 2049
So what happens when the future that was depicted in past movies does not seem to be any closer to reality? Make a sequel depicting even MORE cyberpunk-noir-dystopia as "Blade Runner 2049" did.
Artificial people known as Replicants are back in vogue after a 20 year timeskip from the original Blade Runner, but due to their shocking realism now, it only makes sense that you make fake people to kill dangerous fake people. Enter Ryan Gosling taking Tommy Lee Jones' codename from "Men in Black" as a blade runner as after his latest kill, he stumbles into a conspiracy that could make society tear itself apart from the revelation. He follows the threads, some involving his own memories, and comes across an old man who might be the key to it all.
A testament to the actors as Ryan Gosling has to play a man devoid of emotion, his AI hologram girlfriend has to convince people she's real, and a host of other characters with interesting quirks, mannerisms, and motivations. Much like its predecessor, it sets a very good tone with the dark city full of neon lights, the wastelands of places that used to be vibrant and lively, and a guessing game the audience can play with the main character about what is real.
Men in Black International
"Men In Black International" was not the "21 Jump Street" crossover we were promised and there's almost no returning cast from the previous movies, but hot damn was it a fun time with Agent Thor & Agent Valkyrie as they try to suss out the mole from within their ranks. The two radically different characters go to exotic locales, get in fights with creatively designed ETs, and meet several quirky characters along the way. While it is your standard buddy cop fare with a supernatural twist that seemed to be all the rage in the 90s-2000s, I enjoyed the movie for what it is and not what it could've been.
Project Gutenberg
So unless it's a fairy godmother or Jesus himself, chances are if somebody offers to change your life and you can live your dreams, it's not going to end well. "Project Gutenberg" is a tightly woven tale of intrigue involving a lowly artist who joins a small group of counterfeiters. The charismatic leader of the group seemed like a good and noble guy, wanting to help the main character out with not just his creative slump but also his love life, but as the movie progresses, we get to see just how breaking bad it gets. If you have a chance to see this Chinese movie yourself, just know that the framing device is that this story is being told by a criminal in an interrogation room...so he MIGHT not be the most reliable narrator.
Dumbo (2019)
I can count on one hand the times Tim Burton working with Disney has worked out (NMBC is about it I think), so that's all that really needs to be said about the 2019 live-action re-imagining of "Dumbo."
Just like every version of the Grinch that's not the book, they've added so much extraneous stuff to the simple story...granted, it's the story of a baby elephant who is separated from his mother and discovers his incredible Quirk, but otherwise, did we really need such wooden main characters, a different kind of bad guy in a dishonorable Michael Keaton, and then what's essentially a jailbreak?
If anything, they got all the right Easter Eggs inserted sporadically to harken back to the classic animation, but never actually in the same context.
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| On paper, reuniting these three sounded like a sure thing...but then... |
The Upside
There is a fine line between "caring" and "pitying" and in the English adaptation of the French movie "The Intouchables," Kevin Hart and Bryan Cranston see "The Upside" of their relationship.
Heartwarming tale of friendship where the LEAST likely candidate for caring for a quadriplegic becomes that carer and through a series of heart-to-hearts, mishaps, misunderstandings, and gut-wrenching laughs, the two find themselves needing each other in more ways than one. A good man trying to do better is given his chance, and an old man wanting to die finds that his disability is not the end of his life and more good things can happen. Truly a touching tale based on another movie based on a real story.
Now somebody find me a copy of "Still Human," the Chinese version.
SHAZAM!
Let's talk about "the Mask," an adaptation of a gruesome comic book that became one of Jim Carrey's defining roles in the 90s. In it, a reserved man finds himself gifted with incredible powers and thus acts like a wild and crazy guy when transformed.
Why bring it up now?
Because "SHAZAM!" is pretty much that, but with elements of "Big" and loose ties to the DC cinematic universe.
A selfish, unkind, orphan with a chip on his shoulder and an absolute refusal to love anyone until he finds his mother, winds up in a foster home full of eclectic but good-hearted people. When he unwittingly defends one of them, that's all it takes for a wizard to summon him to his domain, just in time to prevent the ghastly spirits of the 7 Deadly Sins to wreak havoc on the Earth. When the boyssays a magic word, he becomes a demigod adult, but the power liberates his youthful spirit. That newfound freedom comes with a cockiness that ill-prepares him for the vessel of those 7 Deadly Sins, and throughout this ordeal, the boy learns about family, of loss, what being a hero is all about, and most importantly, how to love again.
There are several shockingly dark elements to this flick, but otherwise a bit heartwarming, a little goofy, and probably the most fun a DC movie has ever allowed itself to be. Hail to the true Captain Marvel.
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| "So this is like the Seven Deadly Sins, right? I mean, I've never been great at math, but, uh, the big angry one, that's Wrath, yeah? And then Gluttony, obvi. Pride, Greed, Sloth, Lust, who I thought was gonna be way hotter, if I'm being honest." |
Lion King (2019)
I think we've finally found it: the baseline for Disney live-action adaptations. Exactly what you expect, nothing too crazy for changes, still sticks to the story and characterization of the original, and stunning visuals to "upgrade" (depends on who you ask really) to introduce to a new generation of fans.
"Lion King (2019)," you're Goldilocks standard.
One of the more baffling changes I also noticed in new Aladdin...nobody wants to do evil comedic relief right anymore. The hyenas were attempting to become a credible threat, so any laughs from them were forced (no love for ma boi Ed even!?!), and there was no Scar getting serenaded with "It's a Small World after all!" Is it too much to ask for my evil villains to be a bit hammy? That's part of the Disney charm!
To further hammer in the total disadvantage this "live-action" thing has is lot of the cartoonish elements were removed, but that also meant some of the humanizing tics and expressions of the animals were removed too. There is a distinct lack of affection, sorrow, glee, and even the subtle things like Rafiki fighting like Jackie Chan. Anyway, watch this if you want to see CGI animals try to do what a cartoon and a Broadway production have already accomplished.
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| Subtle. But only if you're completely unfamiliar with other Disney movies. |
"Hotel Mumbai" shows what happens when hospitality professionals take their service to the extreme.
Terrorists with guns began their assault on Mumbai in 2008, and for a couple of terrifying hours, safe places became deadly. One such place was the Taj Mahal Hotel and this film is the story of how a lot of the hotel staff managed to keep some of their guests safe.
Edge-of-your-seat thriller and pretty intense, with the people caught in this situation have almost no way to defend themselves except to hide. What makes this stand out is the little touches of how the attackers are humanized...doesn't make them any relatable since they're stupid, misguided homicidal youths, but it's an interesting perspective.
Alita, Battle Angel
This cyberpunk dystopia is only exacerbated by the cringe-worthy, uncanny valley of the main character. It is truly baffling how many talented Hollywood people are behind it (James Cameron, Guillermo Del Toro, Robert Rodriguez), but thanks to the cliches of the cyborg/robot-becoming-replacement-offspring-to-grieving-but-brilliant-doctor, love interests with a dark side that ultimately amount to nothing, becoming a bounty hunter who can kick all the butts, and always popular panem et circuses being the only entertainment in the crapsack future, the wow factor is just not there.
Speed Racer
"Speed Racer" goes the opposite route of grim, dark, & gritty, and has the ABSURDLY BRIGHT AND FLASHY COLORFUL world of the old school anime brought to life. Plus other little anime-exclusive quirks that make it further cringe-worthy to watch played out in real life makes this production feel more like a mockery of the original manga/anime. Even in 2008, it looks like they were using the CG power of Playstation 2 graphics for some of these visuals, and I honestly don't understand why anyone thought it was a good idea to bring this zany world to live-action. Can't believe I'm saying this, but "Cars 3" is a more dignified movie about the true meaning of racing.
How do you make the anime movie climax get even more exciting? Just add the thing that goes with everything.
Lion King 1 1/2
If the first movie was "Hamlet," the 2nd movie "Romeo and Juliet," and the live-action is a kid re-enacting Hamlet with his puppets, then "Lion King 1 1/2" is "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead." To be fair, it's a lot less existential and hapless bystander-ish than the humorous add-on to every high school Shakespeare class. It follows the MST3K of Timon and Pumbaa going through the movie, with some earlier bits on Timon's life and just HOW outcast he was, as hinted in a throwaway line in the first movie. The audience is treated to just how much this comedic duo impacted the events of the movie and vice versa, and really, if you're a fan of the "Lion King" why wouldn't you enjoy this amusing detour through familiar territory with two fun tour guides?
Labyrinth
I say the name "Jim Henson," your mind probably automatically goes to the Muppets eh? Well, what happens when you mix his practical effects wizardry, with David Bowie and George Lucas? "Labyrinth!"
Visual spectacle a little light on story and relatively easy-to-resolve conflicts, it's like a different take on the Alice-in-Wonderland style story. If anything, the real star of the feature is not its main protagonist, but a close tie between the gaggle of wondrous creatures and David Bowie himself.
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| Just the latest of Babes with the Power |
The Dark Crystal
Continuing on with Jim Henson theme is "The Dark Cyrstal." 100% puppetry film right here and while some characters can move and act a little stiff, there is such life and character to these creatures that you hardly notice. But man oh man, that is some surprisingly deep material for a movie about an elf-like creature having to restore balance to a broken macguffin that controls their world. Anxious to see how the Netflix prequel series will turn out now!
Legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga'Hoole
"Legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga'Hoole" is an interesting take on what happens when young children are taken in by a fascist regime, some escape to find the fabled heroes of the land, and find themselves embroiled in the battle of a lifetime...and all the characters are owls. Laugh if you must, but there are times when it's legitimately terrifying seeing all those claws and talons come flying at you, not to mention dark magics, bats, and just nature being scary. Ironically, the least scary thing in the whole movie is the sole snake character! But great story and intriguing characters held together by DROP DEAD GORGEOUS ANIMATION!
Smurfs: the Lost Village
FINALLY we have done away with the horrendous
cartoons-transported-to-the-mundane-world trope that was prevalent in
the early 2000s, and the Smurfs are back where they belong.
"Smurfs: the Hidden Village" has all the charm of the cartoons but with a subtle CGI upgrade. Could've done without the ABUNDANCE of celebrity voices that for some reason is necessary for bit roles, but overall, a great little look into who you are being defined by what you do and not where you come from.
"Smurfs: the Hidden Village" has all the charm of the cartoons but with a subtle CGI upgrade. Could've done without the ABUNDANCE of celebrity voices that for some reason is necessary for bit roles, but overall, a great little look into who you are being defined by what you do and not where you come from.
Batman: Hush
As a rule, I try to not write about what I hope movies to be; each film needs to stand on its own merits and not on what was expected of them from the source material...but unholy crap! "Batman Hush" missed the mark!
They took a great mystery of who is the new bad guy plaguing Batman's every move, threw that plot into the wood chipper, and instead turned it into a character study into the relationship between Batman and Catwoman.
WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS THAT?!
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| Further issue I have with this "adaptation?" No Jason Todd revival/fakeout. |
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials
After the wonder-filled promising mystery surrounding what
happened after those runners in the maze got out of the maze, what is
awaiting them?
Zombies.
And corrupt evil adults.
...
BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THOSE CLICHES EH MAZE RUNNER?
The only plus to this movie is that Giancarlo Esposito is the token cool adult to join this group of teenagers fighting the stupid controlling adults.
Zombies.
And corrupt evil adults.
...
BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THOSE CLICHES EH MAZE RUNNER?
The only plus to this movie is that Giancarlo Esposito is the token cool adult to join this group of teenagers fighting the stupid controlling adults.
Maze Runner: the Death Cure
While this third installment of a popular young adult novel
adaptation did not go full "Mockingjay," there is a fair bit too much
REBELLION and too little of what made the thing so good in the first
place, just like in the third part of the Hunger Games series.
"Maze Runner: the Death Cure" is now 100% FIGHT DA POWAA!
"Maze Runner: the Death Cure" is now 100% FIGHT DA POWAA!
No Country for Old Men
Not like there was a lot of stellar competition that year for Best Picture, but seriously, "No Country for Old Men?"
Meandering story, philosophically bleak outlook on life (there were NEVER any "good ol' days"), despicable antagonist and not even in a love-to-hate-him kinda way, and just ultimately unsatisfying.
Also, the lack of score REALLY made the whole thing a lot more stark and lifeless; while it fits the tone of the movie, it still makes the assignment feel somewhat incomplete...and the Academy still gave it an A+?
Steven Universe: the movie
90% singing, but a great little look at what happens when essentially a 1930s-era black-and-white cartoon attacks.
What I wanted to believe is the epilogue of the series turned into a little love letter into why we love the main cast of characters so much. While it's great to re-affirm why the main cast is so appealing, with all their hurts and quirks, the standout character is the goofball villain bearing so much of the brunt that the protagonist's mother left on her. Further proof that sometimes the sins of the past will continue to haunt you or your descendants.
Just add another one to the list with Connie sliding on a lion...
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum
More religious symbolism than anything Zack Snyder did with Superman, and yet "John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum" did NOT feel as preachy as any of those films!
The man is STILL on the run and still killing off dudes with barely a sweat. New and inventive ways to dispatch the disposable assassins that seem to populate every dark shadow and seemingly abandoned alley. New allies and new threats. And of course, lots of religious symbolism that manages to sneak its way into the film more as legitimate cogs of the world they've set up. Can't wait for next chapter!
Yesterday
So "Yesterday" proved that not only is it the darkest timeline because the Beatles never became a band, but because Coca-Cola was never made either and Pepsi became the dominant soft drink of the world...(involuntary shudder)
Otherwise, a fun flick about someone cursed with knowledge of what was lost and tries to capitalize on it, but as is common with these rags-to-riches story, realizes that what he loses in return of all the money and fame is the love of his life...and in this special case of specialized plagiarism, the overwhelming guilt of possibly being found out. Give it a watch if you're any kind of Beatles fan.
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| Sure it seems a little silly to be set on edge by a little yellow submarine, but when you're running this kinda scam, the best thing is to make sure NOBODY else is in on it. |
What's this? The sequel is an actual competent movie now instead of just being a jumble of decent animation shorts amassed into a "movie?" Granted, while the first "Secret Life of Pets" was basically the first "Toy Story," with the main character having to learn to overcome jealousy of a new favorite, the 2nd is now much more like "Finding Nemo," with the main character learning to overcome fear of the world's dangers for his boy.
Regardless, Illumination studios continues to put minimal effort into their movies because their strength is more into mini-movies than actual films. While I said this effort was more competent, the disjointed nature still shows its ugly head from time to time. If they ever make a #3, can it be too much to hope for good character growth, actual story, and less reliance on jam-packing the voice cast with celebrities just because?
Gemini Man
"Gemini Man" could've EASILY been a standalone "Deadshot from Suicide Squad" movie, but thankfully, they let it be its own thing despite the numerous comic-book-tropes happening throughout. Will Smith is acting his heart out as always, pulling double duty as himself and younger himself, thanks to the wonders of de-aging special effects, something they couldn't do when "Looper" was made because you know would've done it like that because can you honestly think Joseph Gordon Levit will age up into Bruce Willis? Regardless, a thrill ride for sure and lots of that classic Big Willy charm.
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| To quote another Will Smith role, "Old & Busted, New Hotness" |
Sometimes you wonder if an actor is genuinely enjoying himself or herself on a movie, if they are having fun making the thing or enjoying working with their fellow castmembers.
No such doubts while watching "Hocus Pocus," the 90s Halloween staple by Disney aside from "NmB4Xmas."
The main antagonists steal the show as three witch sisters hammy as heck with varying degrees of stupidity. Because of that enjoyment in losing themselves into their characters, the energy and enthusiasm is kinda infectious. It's not a really great movie because of the contrivances of 90s kids movies, as well as this movie's weird fixation on focusing on the male lead's virginity (seriously why?), but goshdangit to heck, this is a fun fun movie.
Also, there's a talking cat. Automatic win in my book.
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| Some things just come naturally to you...like inexplicable knowledge of song lyrics. |
The Addams Family" (snapsnap) is a fun animated feature about family expectations, rebelling against those expectations, and finding that family can still love you despite not living up to those expectations. But with this macabre-loving clan, that looks just a slight bit different than what most people are used to. Plus crisp animation that thankfully, was not from Illumination; give it up for MGM's fledgling animation department. Also, some deep cuts to the HGTV-watching crowd.
Winnie the Pooh (2011)
A low-key, relaxing good time with a silly ol' bear as he goes through a couple of adventures. Maybe because I'm older, but I had some legitimate gut-busting laughs from this movie (HE'LL STEAL YOUR YOUTH!).
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| Grade A wordplay. |
There's something to be said about what happens to actors and actresses after they get accolades and awards...how sometimes projects seem beneath them or certain roles are now old shames.
NOT THE CASE FOR THE CAST OF ZOMBIELAND!
"Zombieland: Double Tap" is roughly the same level of wacky fun, with increasingly inventive ways to dispatch the undead, but thanks to the addition of varying-levels-of-ridiculous side characters, this might not rub some people the right way as the first movie. Big props to the effects guys for propping those survival rules and names up on the screen for us almost to the insane level of effort from the John Wick movies.
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| The final zombie kill hinges a little too much on the assumption that zombies don't realize they're up a high place. |
"Rocketman" could've waited a while before also showing a movie about a massively influential musician who went through the ringer of finding love in all the wrong places...but because they released so close together, this and "Bohemian Rhapsody" will inevitably be compared, and thus, "Bohemian Rhapsody" is still the superior movie. Despite that, it's still a fun musical in almost the same vein as "Beyond the Universe" complete with random musical numbers featuring singing and dancing, so it has that over "Bohemian Rhapsody."
For people a little too concerned that the title won't make sense to young people, yes, he does blast off at one point.
Dark Phoneix
"X-men Apocalypse" was touted as possibly the worst of the First Class trilogy, but thanks to "X-men: Dark Phoenix," I can see now all the entertaining aspects of that movie in comparison. Generic story, horrible handling of the characters, boring action sequences, villains with no real motivation (and when it is explained, it's not very well), and just like the last time the Phoenix was included in an X-men movie, a very unsatisfying end.
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| Seriously, Jean Gray is THIS easy to turn to the dark side... |
If you told me that the wildly-inappropriate-for-children-yet-super-childish "Angry Birds Movie" was getting a sequel, I would have made a noise somewhere between a groan and a mocking laugh...if you told me that this movie would not only be decent, but gut-bustingly funny at times, I would definitely bark out some derisory laughter.
But hey, I myself am still trying to convince me that "Angry Birds Movie 2" is a pretty good flick.
The lovable goofs from the last movie are back and this time, they put aside their grudges to save their collective islands from an angrier bird than the red guy. This time, they are joined by actual smart characters, and so they begin the quest to stop a doomsday of fire and ice.
Snappy lines, absolutely ridiculous situations, and some primo slapstick are the stars of this show, making the laughs come hard and often. Of course, people who think such childish things are beneath them might think that I've lost my mind, but if you go in preparing to laugh, I hope that might just change your mind.
Merlin (1998)
Unexpectedly good despite the dated effects (FAST FORWARD TO SHOW FAE WEIRDNESS!), but definitely a straightforward story of the most famous wizard. Surprisingly good performances from Martin Short and Helena Bonham Carter too. Sam Neil is aces as the supposed chosen one who was supposed to bring mankind back to the dark ways, but rebels hardcore (Take note Anakin Skywalker!).
Godzilla (1954)
Oh no. There goes Tokyo.
The big grand-daddy of giant monster movies, surprisingly does not have that much of the Big G in it. People want to blame 2014's version for having a scant amount of the radioactive lizard in it, but looking at this one, they were just setting a precedent.
The focus is much more on the small group of scientists who debate about the ethics of unleashing a superweapon to destroy this threat. And debating...and debating...and debating. Regardless, I now know why it's regarded amongst film historians as one of the first big movies with a big message hidden within.
I Kill Giants
Could be I just didn't get the comic when I read it, but this movie puts things a little bit more into perspective. Maybe magical, maybe mundane, all open to interpretation. Interesting way of delving into a troubled young girl's mind as she deals with a burden she doesn't want.
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| Thor knows a thing or two about being worthy of magic lightning hammers. |
Shaun the Sheep
Funny, wordless, and quite fun, this claymation flick is a testament to how the stop-motion animation people can still craft a good and hilarious story through miming.
John Dies at the End
80% accurate to the book, but they skip whole chunks of the story. Gotta ask why? Still, a fun little romp with a sentient drug and the end of the world.
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| Verrrrry wary from now on...verrrrry wary... |
Dora and the Lost City of Gold
Baby's first Adventure Movie; learn of all the tropes that you’ll eventually see if you watch “Indiana Jones.” Give props to the spunky female lead that captures the spirit of childlike optimism despite the world around her being noticeably less child-friendly. Big hooray for the completely unexpected animated segment.
By far the best part of the movie...other than Boots being voiced by Danny Trejo when they're NOT high as a kite.
Victor Frankenstein
Harry Potter and a gradually maniac Professor X take on Moriarty to prove science trumps all.
Wildly innacurate to the source material, but easily forgiven with the cast acting their hearts out to bring these characters to life. Highlight is the strange and fluid relationship between the hunchback that loses his hunch and the mad scientist who would become a visionary who defeated death.
Sleight
People keep touting this as a “modern superhero movie” and I guess that’s a sign of a good magic trick because that line hoodwinked me pretty good.
“Sleight” is absolutely NOT a superhero movie. It’s a movie about a guy who wants out of the crummy life he’s found his way in, doing everything he can to get out of it conventionally, and then in the last 30 minutes Macgyvers himself Magneto powers to fight the bad guys. Overall, not a bad flick, but it absolutely did not deliver on what the box said it was.
Jumanji: The Next Level
"Jumanji: the Next Level" continues the wondrous precedent from the last one of poking fun at common video game tropes and delighting audiences with actors and actresses getting to stretch their acting chops and play versions of themselves they normally don't. Along for the ride this time are a couple of choice actors and actresses that inject some new layers of humor to the flick. I will admit that sometimes the shtick of they're-old-&-they-don't-get-it wears a little thin & some of the fake-out deaths seem a little unwarranted, but overall just as good as the previous installment.
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| If you were not expecting this out of the playable horse character, you only have yourself to blame. |
Clue
Parker Brothers gave us a game that probably inspired a lot of kids into becoming sleuths, and while it can have two different names, in 1985, an adaptation was made called "Clue." A host of (literally) colorful characters find themselves embroiled in a murder mystery and most of the movie is trying to piece together the why, how, & who did the dastardly deed...and as the bodies of incidental characters pile up, and everyone looks even shiftier than when they came into the big mysterious house, it becomes increasingly more puzzling. Unlike other murder-mystery flicks though, the actors and actresses go FULL HAM in this film and completely give themselves over to their narmy and cheesy portrayals of people accused of murder. Of course, one of the film's selling points were the three alternate endings shown in different theaters during its theatrical run, and thankfully the home release included all three, making the endings all plausible conclusions to this wacky wacky plot.
Cats
So, "Cats" the movie exists.
And after much deliberation, there really is no way I can convince anyone whether this was a good or bad movie. Every positive is negated by something bafflingly bad, and every bad thing could be offset by someone's dedication to the artistry.
I will say though, they botched my favorite song and that's not good.
Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker
If you can boil down the Star Wars Sequel trilogy into 2 simple words, I think it can best be summed up to "camaraderie" and "redemption"
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NO IT CANNOT BE SUMMED UP INTO "STAR" AND "WARS!"
(The big balls of gas burning billions of miles away have very little to do with events, and I've always seen the conflicts being much more personal between characters instead of the big battles found in WWII films or fantasy epics)
Episode IX, "The Rise of Skywalker" revolve around those two themes very well, with the key selling points being the great interactions between the new cast, which we seemed to have lacked in the previous movies, and the ongoing struggle from the main characters on how to rectify past mistakes and guilt.
So despite the critical backlash, the outraged fans (what else is new?), and a couple of baffling story choices, I enjoyed this supposed climax to a 40+ year long saga.
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| Some stormtroopers got jetpacks now... |
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