The Powerpuff Girls Movie

The Powerpuff Girls are arguably one of the best things to come out of the early days of Cartoon Network. Young heroes with “ultra super powers” that, while not original, presented themselves in original packaging in the form of cute super-deformed (chibi even?) girls and the challenges they face not just from their eccentric rogue’s gallery (which has amongst its ranks living giant amoebas in gangster hats, a pink-antennaed hillbilly bigfoot, and a cross-dressing Satan) but from the drama of their conflicting personalities and daily preschool life. Anywho, the origin story of these titanic tykes has never been fully shown until the geniuses at Cartoon Network released a theatrical run in 2002.  Not only were their relationships and powers explored within the first 25 minutes, but it showed just how fragile is the position of a young (both in age and experience) individual with superhuman abilities when your city is made of very destructible pieces.  So as they are shunned by their community, they go running unwittingly into the care of a dirty monkey hobo, who promises that together they can make the town love them.  Instead the plan was to turn an entire population of simians at the zoo into himself (super-intelligent with protruding brains) leading to a funny scene where each ape or monkey tries to outdo each other in dastardly plans for destroying the city.  And at first, the girls are reluctant to help everyone because of how they were treated by the uncaring masses, but once the threat of damn dirty apes reaches their father, they unleash righteous fury upon all the monkey business going on. Then it comes to a head when the lead monkey (Mojo Jojo) injects more of the super-power-giving serum into his own head, becoming MO than BEFOr. After recreating the King Kong scene, with gratuitous We-can-rule-together-because-we-are-alike, the girls take him down, the town loves them and wants them to continue the super-heroing, and the narrator gets to say his famous lines from the intros and end of every episode.

Overall, the movie was a good ol’ nostalgic trip. The rich personalities of each character are spot-on and the action scenes are pretty good despite the trademark animation of Gendy Tartovski being what it is. And while it follows the superhero movie formula strictly by the book, it was still an enjoyable film in its own right.

 Amusing viewpoint on the Powerpuff girls and the proper response to haters.

Osmosis Jones

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Chris Rock and Frasier Crane’s brother are buddy cops protecting a Ghostbuster from an evil Laurence Fishburne while a corrupt mayor William Shatner interferes with their work. Did you get the movie? No? Well that’s because that’s the premise for the poorly received “Osmosis Jones,” a rare mix of real-life action and cartoony goodness that you only see from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” and select others.  It depicts all human beings as essentially bustling metropolises of sentient cells, with the main character of Chris Rock ironically playing a white character…a white blood cell to be specific, which is akin to law enforcement in our world.  The city he calls his beat is actually Bill Murray, who is a total health SLOB! For crying out loud, his diet is atrocious and the plot is kicked off when he eats a hard-boiled egg that had been stolen from a chimpanzee and dropped within the creature’s cage at the zoo. Of course disgusting germ-types would be crawling all over the less-than-edible so pretty soon a new kind of virus, played as some sort of smooth gangster by Laurence Fishburne, begins to wreak havoc in the ol’ voice of Garfield.  As most people do when sick, they pop pills. The pill is actually introduced as a sort of Iron-Man-esque cyborg with a gun for an arm, posh mannerisms, and being roughly the size of a really large cell with the rest of the pill being explained away as sugar and cherry flavoring.  So after plenty of the typical buddy-cop mismatching misadventures, the virus cracks down and pretty much kills the former Ghostbuster with the intent of spreading to his daughter. But after a slickly animated fight scene in the daughter’s eyeball (don’t ask how they get there…this is not the movie for germophobes) the villain is vanquished by falling into a beaker of alcohol (proof that hand sanitzer can be super-effective) and the day is saved when the hero returns the Mcguffin (DNA from the hypothalamus) back to the body so that it can continue functioning instead of burning up with fever. The hapless man also takes up new leadership in the brain, having a paradigm shift after coming so close to death and begins to live more healthily, demoting William Shatner’s mayor character to poopsmith.

I think that part of the reason it was so poorly received was because the target audience couldn’t really be firmly established.  On one hand it tries to be a serious movie, with the live action scenes showing just how nauseating Bill Murray’s character is and how his unhealthiness interferes in his relationships with everyone, especially his daughter. But on the other hand, the cartoony world of his insides draws us into the surreal workings of the human body and how it really goes down at the microscopic level, which insults the adult brain but completely goes over the heads of younger viewers who haven’t taken basic anatomy yet.  But the humor can be so juvenile sometimes, you’d think that it was aimed towards that kind of middle school age group because let’s face it, the only people who consider body function humor as hilarious are those kinds of kids…you know the ones.  I must admit though, the animation is pretty smooth and well done, showing us a fantastic view of how the Magic School Bus could’ve got stuck in traffic in the bustling, city of Bill Murray’s insides.  The story is your run-of-the-mill buddy cop movie with the fate of an entire city resting in two different-as-night-and-day characters who are misunderstood by their peers with an (ironically) chilling villain, but like house buying, the key is location, location, location.  With the characters relegated to sentient cells and other critters invisible to the naked eye, it brings a new dimension to cliché characters and which, oddly enough makes the animated characters much more interesting than the character portrayals outside the body.  The acting for the live-action parts is subpar at best and horrendous at most; it’s understandable for the “main character” because the movie’s really trying to nail down the message that unhealthy eating habits and mindsets really does wreck your life, but the other characters don’t really help him along much except his smart kid.
Overall, great film for their blending of animation and live-action, but don’t expect greatness on the live-action parts and expect some juvenile humor…lots of juvenile humor.

 Can you imagine if your insides consisted of that^ looking like this:

Let the Bullets Fly

Quick, name the genre when a movie has guns, violence, train robberies, little towns run by corrupt officials, bandits, shootouts, and whores with hearts of gold. If you thought Western, then yes those would be elements in a typical western...but the film covered today is set in early 1900s China, "Let the Bullets Fly."
The protagonists are the leader of a gang of bandits, and a dude about to become a governor of a small town.  Their opponent is Chow Yun Fat as a notorious mob boss in charge of a tiny town. Thus instead of good vs evil, it's morally ambiguous vs more bad.  Along the way there are double-crosses, assassination attempts, horrible unjust deaths and the vengeance that comes along with it, extortion, Robin-Hooding, betrayals, more saddening deaths, and ultimately, a master plan to take down the crime boss that controls the fear-ridden little town.
Great pseudo-western Chinese film with dark humor that range from awkward chuckles to why-am-I-laughing-at-this?-this-shouldn't-make-me-laugh.

There was a lot of this going on too despite the fact this wouldn't be popular til thugs from the hood started doing it in the 80s-90s...

Little Fockers

Just to get it out of the way, I am slightly biased toward comedy movie series. They usually involve cheap laughs involving dicks, sex, toilet humor, and etc with nothing but those as material to make you the audience try to laugh. That being said, I am strangely impressed with "Little Fockers," which was reportedly such a dumb script Dustin Hoffman, Ben Stiller's onscreen dad in the previous film, wasn't on board. (They upped his paycheck and his role (slightly) so he made a longer cameo than previously rumored.)
The story follows the same formula as the previous two films, with Robert de Niro's character mistaking Ben Stiller's character as a lousy guy, due to circumstances beyond Stiller's control (or it was in his control but it looks much worse than intended). But at the end their differences are resolved and de Niro respects his son-in-law once again.  What makes it different this time is that Stiller's character is not as intimidated by de Niro's character and as such, is much better at the verbal sparring and more of a match for de Niro's machinations.  De Niro himself is not depicted as such an implacable man and untouchable as he was previously.  Owen Wilson is a more prominent character in this film as well, coming off from a broken engagement and unintentionally wooing Stiller's wife, but also going pretty crazy as far as his other culture obsession goes (refer to Hansel from "Zoolander").  It's this kind of characterization that strangely sets apart the "Meet the Parents" trilogy from other raunchy comedies.  
Ironically, the characters that "Little Fockers" didn't develop too well were the titular little Fockers themselves.  We get that the girl is the more mature and smarter of the twin pair and that the little boy has issues but apart from that, we don't get much.  It was pointed out at one point that the girl might've taken more genetically from de Niro's side of the family but that was dropped pretty quickly.  Also, Jessica Alba shows up as sort of an unintentional temptress, but other than that, her character is poorly written, exceedingly perky, and pretty much NOT a real person and pretty much a living drama device.
Overall, just plain nutty but if you liked the previous movies, it's a good end for the series (at least we hope so...sequel hoooooook)

Yeah, forget what you knew of the previous character Owen Wilson played, HANSEL IS BACK!

Tales from Earthsea

Hayao Miyazaki. Someone world-renowned for his anime films that don't seem like anime films, but more like gorgeous pieces of art. That thinking was dashed after I saw "Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea," which ironically, seemed to have none of his trademark magic. I thought that film was the start of his descent, but I was wrong. That dubious "honor" goes to "Tales from Earthsea."
While it does have some common elements of the Miyazaki film like stunning visuals, protecting the earth(sea), surprisingly strong female leads, and malevolent evil being represented as nasty goo, the story itself falls a little flat.  The film is actually an adaptation of some books from a fantasy series known simply as "Earthsea." Thus, it is a piecemeal tale with plot points not making sense sometimes, and strange character shifts.  At first you think the film is about the disgraced prince who inexplicably kills his father. Then you think it's about the wandering wizard that speaks and sounds like Qui-Gon Jin (I was surprised to find out that it wasn't him actually, but Mr. Pricklepants himself, Timothy Dalton) because he saves the prince and they travel the gorgeous, only-drawn-by-Studio-Ghibli landscapes together. But nope, when it comes down to the wire, it's the somewhat unlikable girl with a Prince-Zuko-burn scar who saves them all and gives a pep talk to the prince who got tricked by the evil wizard into doing bad stuff.
2nd of all, the film does come off as preachy, with the emphasis on why so much crap is happening in this world is because mankind is upsetting the balance in the great Circle of Life.  Also, the terms "light" and "darkness" are thrown around so much you'd think this was a Kingdom Hearts game.
Some critics say the blame goes solely on the new director and screenwriter, Miyazaki's own spawn, Goro. Even Miyazaki himself says "Son, I am disappoint," and they supposedly have some friction, which leads him to make "Ponyo" as a sort of apology. Back to Miyazaki Jr. though, it could be said that while he could be to blame for this movie, he learned from the best so maybe this could've been a sign of his father's not-so-genius becoming apparent in his son.
Overall, if you're a hardcore Hayao Miyazaki fan, this film ranks a little below "Princess Mononoke" in my book; full of Miyazaki elements, but ultimately forgettable.

Also, the twist surprise was done in "Spirited Away" first.  

March of the Penguins

"March of the Penguins" is a nature documentary adapted from a Frenchman's book, and narrated by Morgan Freeman. It follows the mating, egg-tending, parenting, feeding, dangers, and baby growth of penguins. So unless you're really into penguins, and want to see some cute stuff, this is for you. Alternatively, you do see a lot of dead penguins as the film frequently points out that Antarctica is a harsh place to live when you're a bird. Overall, a film for penguinphiles.

"I invented the penguin to demonstrate parental devotion...and to make really cute babies. REALLY cute babies."

Spy Hard

In addition to being a general parody of the spy movie genre in general, “Spy Hard” takes the absurdity way past the “Austin Powers” films.  At least with those films, things went by formula.  For “Spy Hard,” madness was the name of the game.  Not only did things frequently not make sense, but they also blatantly spoof “Pulp Fiction,” “Home Alone,” and even “Jurassic Park.”  Despite that, the film is made of laughs.  You know things are strange when Weird Al Yankovich sings the James Bond-like opening and subsequently explodes at the end just because.  Also having Surely Youjest (don’t call him Shirley) Leslie Nielsen as the Bond stand-in just adds to his comedic legend status.  While the ending does seem a bit rushed and nonsensical, the film was a good laugh from start to finish.

Mrs. Doubtfire

It seems like that insane things are acceptable when it's in the name of family, and that's certainly the case for "Mrs. Doubtfire." Robin Williams stars as a guy who hits the sad streak of losing his job and getting divorced (both for petty reasons IMO).  In order to spend more time with his children, who his ex-wife is too busy to properly care for but the court decreed he could only see them on one day a week, he takes the role of going undercover as an elderly English nanny.  Just in time too because his wife starts to see a new beau that looks suspiciously like James Bond.  Beyond the whole "father learns to love his family more" trope, the main reason to watch is to see when it'll all go south.  There are so many close calls with his cover getting blown, that eventually, all you want to know is how long he can keep up the facade.  The ending itself is surprisingly bittersweet, but it's a better turn from the cliche happy ending of the couple getting back together.  Robin Williams is at his comedic best, doing a variety of voices and mannerisms that define his fame. Despite his cover of a real supernanny, what with him NOT being one, his goof-ups are hilarious as well.
Overall, nutty fun involving Robin Williams pretending to be a woman with a small sappy center of going to the extreme for your family.

Let's recap:

Wholesome Crossdresser

vs.

Crossdressing for the lulz

Androgynous

MEN SHOULD NOT LOOK LIKE THIS!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2

Some may throw me into the street and grab their torches and pitchforks when I say this, but “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt.2” was only ok.  Like Voldemort in regards to his personal Deathly Hallow, I feel like the film had more potential, could’ve had more laughs, and should’ve been more satisfying.

I’m writing this with hopes that most who read this are already fans of the Harry Potter series, so those who hate, stand to the left and go back to your normal lives; this review ain’t for you.

What thousands of children/teenagers/young adults felt as the credits rolled

For a more entertaining (spoiler-filled!) review, go here.
For a more entertaining abridged version of the book, go here. (Seriously funny!)
For a nonfan's absolutely clueless perspective of the movie, go here

Father of the Bride

Don’t get me wrong, I think Steve Martin’s an amazing comedic actor. But while “Father of the Bride” is toted as one of his greater films, I find his performance only funny in the first half.  The 2nd half, he falls into the stereotypical role of sentimental father about to give his daughter away. In the first half, he’s completely bonkers in every reaction, sometimes over-the-top and sometimes just laughable because it’s not how normal people do or think.  It’s only after Diane Keaton talks some sense into her husband that he becomes a cool, level-headed guy again, even helping with a premarital spat the young couple has.  If anything, the side characters are the ones who seem to have the most fun out of it. The wedding coordinators are hamming it up to their full potential, and the little brother Culkin is unintentionally funny because of his mature demeanor.
Overall, still a funny film and can tug at your heartstrings.

Mental note: Not a good idea for anniversary gift. Women can get out of the kitchen nowadays after all.