Feel the Vern: Simply Movies

The Farewell

You'd think a comedy on impending death would be a bad idea, but "the Farewell" is not a bad idea. The story feels personal & poignant, and the comedy is more from the incredible awkwardness that comes from having to keep a secret from such a spunky old lady. The major props to the cast for conveying all the right emotions whenever the scene calls for it.

Also, could somebody please enlighten me about the symbolism in that possibly hallucinatory little bird?

The family didn't let Awkwafina come along to granny's at first because they thought she would give away the ploy with her American bluntness.

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

"Maleficent: Mistress of Evil" flopped worse than a wounded bird...and thanks to this movie, I've seen my fair amount of fair folk falling from the sky thanks.

Turns out the original Sleeping Beauty tale was fake news by Michelle Pfeiffer and Maleficent's people are descended from phoenixes. Who knew?

Jojo Rabbit

Sometimes the best part of winning an argument is seeing the fragile world of the other person shatter as they realize how wrong they were...even more satisfying is it's a child whose mind is blown.
So you can imagine why it is pleasing to watch "Jojo Rabbit" as the fascist fanatic realizes over the course of the movie just how wrong his 10-yr-old paradigm has been. But then, this seems to be the year of the dark comedy as the incredible awkwardness of certain subject matter and bizarre situations that pop up (usually involving Taika Waititi as the imaginary friend Adolf) make this film laugh-out-loud funny as well.

Sometimes the humor is simply in the bizarre...

Parasite

What did "Parasite" teach me?
There are monsters.
There are monsters that swindle & con you.
There are monsters that are casually cruel.
There are monsters that pee on your wall.
There are monsters that will blackmail you.
There are monsters that will lock you up with no intention of ever freeing you.
There are monsters that will be blissfully happy when you're recovering from the worst night.
And of course, there are monsters that come after you with rocks and knives.

The conflict in the 2nd half could have all been avoided if they remembered the housekeeper's Kryptonite...

Knives Out

You go into "Knives Out" expecting a grand ol' murder mystery with a fair amount of dark humor (and actual humor), not unlike "Clue" but what you get is so much more...and Daniel Craig giving his most hilarious Southern accent this side of his role in "Logan Lucky."
Rich old man dies mysteriously and almost all members of his extended family have motive and are noticeably unhinged. Enter Benoit Blanc, a misleading fancy name for such a Southern Gentleman as he tries to piece this "doughnut" together, and his unwitting assistant Marta, who due to a weird Quirk, is a human lie-detector, physically unable to be deceitful or take fake news in. See just how twisty and funny the rabbit hole goes as more and more intriguing revelations are brought to light even after the the audience knows whodunnit.

No greater lie detector than one that projectile vomits in the presence of falsehoods

Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Brilliant animated film that captures the essence of each of the characters flawlessly. Fight animation is pretty fantastic too.
If you're a fan of both in any capacity, highly recommend.

Even when this was happening, you never heard him say "Cowabunga." This movie has Batman saying "cowabunga," and if that's not incentive, I don't know what is.

Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood

A lot of great stories start with "Once Upon a Time"...but if your storyteller is Quentin Tarnatino, and the story ENDS with "Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood," then you better buckle up.
The stars of this show are Leo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, acting their hearts out for multifaceted roles that I can't even really pin down is surprisingly meta for their lives or not. But beyond these two actors exercising their craft, you get a lot of meandering shots, pointless plot points that don't really pay off, and what seems like subverted story beats for the sake of saying "ooh, that didn't go how you thought it would didn't it? Aren't I a stinker?!"

Also, probably the best advertisement for having good and well-trained pit bulls as your companions.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Less a story about Mr. Rogers (For that, watch the documentary "Won't you be my Neighbor") and more a look at how one person can become better through looking at the life of this sage of wholesomeness. Digging into Fred Rogers leads a bitter journalist to let go of hurt, let go of anger, and learn what Mr. Rogers has been teaching kids for years: it's ok to feel bad, but what matters is how you handle those feelings.

Great stylistic choice to have all the cityscapes and vehicles-moving scenes be done in the same style as "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood."

Onward

On paper, "Onward" is my jam. Through working in a library, I discovered that my choice of books tend to lean towards "urban fantasy," with the mundane frequently coming into contact with the magical. So Pixar makes a movie about magical beings living in suburbia, with the focal point being two ying-yang brothers on a race against the clock to restore a loved one, and I should be lovin' it.
Except, I can't fully appreciate it because I'm a frickin' only child with abandonment issues.
The main core of the movie is the bond of the brothers, but because of their dead father, the older brother became much more a dad to the younger than a sibling. That kinda bond is something totally foreign to me since I. Don't. Have. Siblings. Plus, all my older brother figures left for reasons beyond my control, and I've never had to be that guy for any younger friends (neither did I think they respected me enough for that).
So, thanks Pixar for bringing up a moderately fascinating world that forsake magic for the mundy, and it's cool to see how the inhabitants adapted, and thanks for basically making a quest movie where everything the characters learn becomes relevant later in the plot, but otherwise, I couldn't take away the emotional OOMPH you were aiming for.

Pour one out for a noble steed that fell in service to the quest.

Ford v. Ferrari

So I was berating "Speed Racer" last year for...a variety of reasons. But if I can imagine young Speed and Pops Racer watching some of the excitement from something like "Ford v Ferrari," I think I can get where the whole GO! GO! GO! GO! feeling comes from now.
You've heard the tale before: a champion, who can no longer go the distance, is left to wonder if he'll ever experience that rush of competition again; he finds a kindred spirit in someone who gets it, heck, almost supernaturally excels at the thing, and they work together to prove themselves against all odds; probably throw in some corporate meddling that tries to keep their optimistic spirits from fully soaring. Oh, and throw in a whole lot of VROOM VROOM.
Overall, a pretty good historically-based, sports story, great chemistry between Matt Damon and Christian Bale, and racing action that really gets your own heart pumping.

The Great Gatsby (1974)

Old-school charm and is quite a faithful adaptation to the book, but geez is the movie's pacing slow!
Depending on how much you liked the book, that impacts your appreciation of the movie. Basically, the titular Gatsby is the textbook example of a hopeless romantic as he pines for the one that got away. Even with all evidence pointing to the obvious, he still won't give up on the hope of her reciprocating his love. (Spoilers: All the good that does him...)

My god, you look up the word "dapper" in the dictionary, and if you don't see this picture, you throw that book out the window!

Lincoln

Get ready to be bored by the squabbles of politics.

Lots.

And lots.

Of squabbling.

Mission Impossible
Dated technology aside, this "Mission Impossible" really did wonders for the spy genre back in the late 90s. Everyone was making references to the aesthetic, the high stakes, the "acrobatic insanity," the backstabbing-upon-double-crosses-upon-betrayals; it was all quite exciting!
For that, we thank you baby-faced Tom Cruise for reminding us you can be an action star once again. Long may your reign of thrilling spy movies continue!

Behold the cool spy gadget that got overshadowed by CABLES! (it's gum that blows up; what's not to like?)

Reservoir Dogs

A fascinating story of a colorful (almost literally) cast of characters dealing with the aftermath of a botched robbery, "Reservoir Dogs" should be commended for Quentin Tarantino's first movie that

helped him establish his style, no matter what kind of movie he made in subsequent years.

Good luck listening to any version of this song without thinking of horrific torture now!

Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

So aside from EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. looking, acting, and just plain BEING different from their comics counterpart, "Birds of Prey" was about the same level of enjoyable as "Deadpool" starring Ryan Reynolds, which is ironic since fanart on the Internet would have you believe that Deadpool and Harley Quinn would get along quite well with their penchant for violence and twisted senses of humor...which is a load of phooey. And yet, HERE WE ARE FEELING LIKE WB & DC RUMMAGED AROUND FOX'S CUTTING ROOM FLOOR FOR IDEAS!

So just like in "Suicide Squad," we find ourselves rooting for the bad chick protagonist in Harley Quinn, as she has to avoid hitmen, bad men, and angry women after she declares herself NOT the number one gal of the Joker (who never shows up; don't get your hopes up). Through a convoluted back&forth in which scene after scene of the story getting ground to a halt, we find out that a pickpocket stole something that would make Obi-Wan Kenobi ridiculously wealthy and the king of all organized crime, and it's up to an assorted variety of lethal ladies to protect the kid until she poops out a diamond.

Overall, crazy, well-choreographed, and I sure hope you like the Ferris Bueller style of fourth-wall breaking just for kicks, cuz we get a lot of those.

If anybody wants a better story involving what Cassandra Cain is supposed to be, but is still accessible to the casual fan, check this one out.

1917

It starts with a guy lounging by a tree, and ends with a guy lounging by a tree.
"1917" is the tale of how two soldiers in WWI have to deliver a message to their fellows 20 miles away to save lives from a German plot...and it is a long and twisty road to get there! Just like "Birdman" a couple years back, it manages to make the journey seem like an almost seamless "oner," with very little noticeable cuts between set pieces. The craft of filmmaking is evident with this movie, and it earned that Best Cinematography Oscar. Simple story, but strong characterization and visuals.

Come "1917" join your brother "Birdman" in celebration of your "oner" status!

Artemis Fowl

Even if you divorce this film as an adaptation of a beloved children's book series, "Artemis Fowl" is still a sloppy, ridiculous movie probably geared towards anybody in the 6-10 year old range, and even then this would be an insult to fantasy, sci-fi, and antihero movies marketed toward that demographic.
The only standout performances are Judi Dench, who the book purists are sad to find out is not the cigar-chomping DA CHIEF stereotype, and Josh Gad, as they are both relatively true to their characters and actually seem like they are trying to act.
Otherwise, pick any word you'd like to describe this horrendous experiment of cinema, but I'll choose the one that the books and movie gave us: D'ARVIT!

It's a small thing, but it matters to me...WHERE WAS THE CENTAUR'S TINFOIL HAT YOU MOUSEY COWARDS?! JUSTICE FOR FOALY'S TINFOIL HAT!!

Redline

I have not watched all of "Speed Racer" anime, so I don't know if it can even compare, but "Redline" is the edgier and more intense version that people like the Wachowskis wished they could have made.
Granted, I doubt Speed Racer ever had to do a race on a planet where the ENTIRE cyborg military was gunning for him...or had to deal with absolute mad/wild characters as fellow competitors...or had get back on his wheels after surviving a kaiju fight and the orbital laser that was to deal with said giant monsters. But overall, a pulse-pounding thrill ride that's a testament to how much actual action and animation can go into an anime movie.

Behold! The magical transforming car with boobie windows!

The Call of the Wild

Was quite bored about "the Call of the Wild," not helped that I haven't read the book so I don't have that kind of nostalgic attachment to a childhood literary classic. The funny thing about the abundance of CG animals was that since this was already a Disney production, I had to entertain myself further by giving some of the dogs the voices of the canine cast from "Up."

The Public

Back in November 2018, I was writing a research paper for my first year at library school. A friend recommended this movie to me as it tied into my topic: how are libraries reacting to the homeless populations who frequent their spaces? Because it had just hit the film festival circuit, there was no way for me to see it and I had to turn in that paper only citing Emilio Estevez in press releases.
But now that I have seen it, and having worked in a public library for over two years now, I can relate to how despite the corniness, despite the lack of any of the characters' arcs coming to any real resolution, and despite the...unorthodox way the movie ended, I can attest that it really does match with what the librarians' creed is supposed to be. It's the most idealistic of ideals for librarians to be as staunch in their beliefs as those who stood with those in need, and stood up to people who would paint them as as unwell as their least of patrons.
Definitely recommend if you can find it (even better if you can check it out at your local library.)

The Three Musketeers (2011)

The 2011 version of "the Three Musketeers" is dominated by a buncha solid C-listers (with the bad guys being solid B-listers now). Also, why on Earth would they cast Orlando Bloom and his near-perfect body double Luke Evans in the same movie?
Despite that, it's bizarrely fun in all its genre-blending madness. It's like a comic book movie met a spy movie, met a swashbuckling movie, met a steampunk movie, met a weird French aristocrat movie.

Despite being set in the time period it's in, they STILL manage to do a "spy dodges the laser grid to steal something" scene!

Airplane!

Despite the off-the-wall nature and the jokes coming a mile a minute, there is a relatively melodramatic tale about a man overcoming his demons and doing something heroic.
But really, we watched this for the clever & bonkers lines and ridiculous visual/physical comedy.

Always great to see a classic gag in context!

The Three Musketeers (1994)

Swashbuckling movie extraordinaire! Fueled by cling-clang swordfights, cheesy yet fun action, quotable lines, and over-the-top villains.
Also, something in there about the veteran do-gooder(s) finding a new bright-eyed youth to train and they foil an evil plot.

Who would've guessed that just 2 years later, he'll go on to play the (worst?) live-action Robin...followed up by again, playing the DEFINITE worst live-action Robin.

Mousehunt

This is what happens when you have Tom & Jerry shenanigans with two bumbling idiots instead of an unfortunate cat.
The slapstick is on point, the animal training is superb with very few times that you notice the CGI stand-ins for the titular rodent, and the aesthetic is almost Tim Burton-esque. A real fun time indeed with some jokes that are a lot more risque that solidified Dreamworks as a major competitor to Disney (with more than one subtle jabs at the Mouse throughout the film).

You got me; I totally forgot how to play this game, let alone how to make all the pieces work...

Hamilton

Hark! Thanks to D+, I was finally able to be in the room where it happened...with "it" being one of the most revolutionary Broadway smash hits to come out in the past decade. "Hamilton" is a treat for theater nerds, history buffs, music connoisseurs, wordsmith worshipers, and people who are helpless when it comes to seeing stories of people who rise up beyond what's expected of them. After the train wreck of an adaptation that was "Cats" where everything that made it unique was butchered beyond belief, I'm inclined to believe that maybe not all musicals need to have a big budget Hollywood adaptation to be fully appreciated by the masses; just a trusty camera crew and the format that it was always intended to be.
Suffice to say, I was satisfied. Awesome. Wow.

So while one can argue that you can get most of the story from listening to the soundtrack, you cannot, however, get some of the more entertaining things that have to be seen to be believed...like King George acting like a fool while Hamilton stands there oblivious that even Kristof has come to make his life miserable.

The Muppet Movie

"The Muppet Movie" is indicative of most Muppet movies: musical, self-aware & trope-poking-fun, and full of heart for characters you forget are made of felt, faux fur, & googly eyes. It's the origin story of how Kermit the Frog gathers an eclectic buncha weirdos to put on the beloved variety shows they are remembered fondly for; and there's a million things they haven't done, just you wait!
Overall, just a fun movie with pretty groundbreaking special effects for its time.

Easier to believe Kermit's real rather than think any of the new Lion King was "photorealistic."

Bleach (the Soul Reaper Agent Arc)

While it certainly doesn't live up to the precedent of the anime, nor does it get little things like KEY DETAILS right, the spirit of "Bleach: the Soul Reaper Agent Arc" is very much aligned with the spirit of the show.
Like so many teen heroes, Ichigo Kurosaki doesn't want his unique power of seeing and interacting with ghosts, but when destiny comes knocking and a shinigami has to give her reaper powers over to him, he'll have to learn the key principle of a famous wallcrawler. Once it's been made clear what this agent of death did was illegal however, he has to step up his game to be as his name suggests: a protector.
Not only does the movie try to adapt & condense the first major story arc of the show into an hour & 45 minutes, failing to do so, but still has the look, the kind of music, the excellent character dynamics, and ironically, other stylistic details like Chad's Mexican coin and the sporadic appearances of 15 around Ichigo's things. One can only hope that Warner Brothers & Netflix can tell how much of a nostalgia bone they are picking and make a sequel.

Yes, let the music take you back...back to when things were a little more lax on Youtube and you could binge the entire anime with full episodes on there...

National Treasure

Until the day Disney acquires Indiana Jones, this is one heckuva good imitation. Granted, it doesn't have the old timey flavor Henry Jones Junior has, but the intricate puzzles&traps, the fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants attitude, the fun chases, and the tenuous grasp on what COULD be history and the artifacts that come with it are just a good time.

Just Mercy

Is the American South actually the worst?
No, but you'll still feel like punchin' a buncha white dudes in the schnoz for being horrible.
Props to Michael B. Jordan playing the most level-headed, cool, and likable on all accounts lawyer I've seen in a long time.
I want to say that the movie might have ended a little too ideally, but maybe that's how it played out in real life too. Can't fault a story's ending if it's how it really happened.

Last Christmas

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.
The very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from fears,
I'll give it to someone special."
...
That's it. That's the movie.
Cryptic lyrics-as-plot aside, it's an interesting movie about Emilia Clark continuing a ruin-life-spiral, meeting a magic(?) boyfriend, and then turning her life around and mending all her relationships.

Hopefully not too spoilery...I mean, who even remembers "Scrubs?"

Dolittle

Passable for a children's movie, but I don't know if this was really aimed at kids, given the absolutely stuffed roster of A & B-listers lending their voices to this movie. Not only that, but somehow RDJ seemed to have lost his mojo, his strange charismatic charm he's carried into every role since Iron Man. Now he flits feverishly between mourning widower, to cuckoo eccentric, to strange & jittery bird. Having only vague recollections of the book, I suppose I remember the animal companions being all sorts of kooky and quirky...but not to this extent! Good grief, there IS a point when you've reached maximum capacity on wisecracking animal companions, even in a movie aimed at children. It's as the great Eddie Murphy said, "the position of annoying talking animal has ALREADY been taken!"

Imagine my surprise that this WASN'T Simon Pegg! I guess he knew a stinker when he saw one.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Definitely goes down the strange, historical-conspiracy rabbit hole much deeper than the last one, but while the first one had a lot more to do with their MacGuffin item, this one reveals the titular book of secrets only halfway through the movie, abandons it as something to keep referring to, and then the treasure they find really has almost nothing to do with it.
If anything, I think it was more an excuse for Nicholas Cage to unleash more of his crazy and to somehow rope in Helen Mirren & Peter Weller into the movie.

WHY CAN NOBODY AGREE WHERE THE FABLED CITY OF GOLD IS?! (Black Panther's Klaw did it worse though, these two guys did it best)

Cinderella (2015)

Good but at the same time is full of padding with delusions of being an actual drama.
Um, no.
It's an adaptation of a cartoon with more emphasis on the title character and her steadfast belief in courage and kindness. As an adaptation of the Cinderella story though, you can't get more middle of the road than this.

She got a new dress; it fancy.

The Gentlemen

The twisty-turny, criminal power struggle movie that makes you wonder just which one of these despicable A-holes will get what they want.
Told in a strange framing device of an old yet still very spry Hugh Grant trying to relay his journalistic findings to a drug lord's 2nd in command, so lots of the story could be really indulgent in its fantasies and the characters talk in the most flowery and amazingly word-choiced dialogues ever.
Watch this if you want to see bad people do bad things to each other...in a darkly comedic way.

A far cry from his "magical boyfriend" role from "Last Christmas" Acting chops!

Sonic the Hedgehog

Surprised me with how earnestly it's trying to tell its story and hammer home its theme of friendship and camaraderie.
Tries its darndest to be something that is distinctly its own version of Sonic while sneaking in the subtlest of Easter Eggs. On one hand, you could say that this Sonic is the same as any other strange-creature-from-another-dimension/planet that was so prevalent in the mid-to-late 2000s, but then the Sonic I always remembered had an attitude (like his old theme song said) and an "attitude" viewed from an adult and translated into this day and age, would be QUITE an annoying teenager. Surprise to no one, kudos to the great Jim Carrey hamming it up as only Jim Carrey could in playing the most egotistical madman this side of his Count Olaf.

And remember, it could've always. been. worse.

Missing Link

Another golden film of adventure, camaraderie, and learning more about yourself via most excellent puppetry from the good folks at Laika.
Best line: "THE PEOPLE WE DON'T WANT HERE ARE ESCAPING! STOP THEM FROM LEAVING!"

Trolls World Tour

While the first Trolls movie was a half-hearted attempt at reviving a decades-old toy with a surprising emphasis on jukebox musical charm, this sequel, “Trolls World Tour” went ALL IN on the musical charm!
Like the Avatar shows, the world of the minuscule music meisters used to live in harmony, THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE ROCKERS ATTACKED!
The deuteragonists from last time take it upon themselves to try and fight back by uniting their different and funky (classy, country, etc) brethren, but along the way learn some harsh truths about the world, their people, and each other.
Surprisingly wittier jokes, rich world building with as much diversity in new Trolls as musical tastes, not an overwhelming reliance on needing to see the previous movie, and an interesting core of learning to listen to others, this kids’ movie is a jam!

Sometimes the humor hits juuuuust right.

Mulan (2020)

It's a gorram slap to the face.
It's a deplorable take on a legendary Disney animated film.
It's "Mulan." but like the live-action Cinderella before it, it felt the need to Force a tagline down your throat (Loyal, Brave, and Truth; debatably their use of chi is also horrifically overused)
Despite these flaws, I found myself entertained. The liberties they took from the characters, the plot, the villains, and the distinct & familiar musical cues made me shake my head, BUT I found myself bewilderingly entertained. The star is definitely the choreography as it was moderately enough to make battles and fight scenes hold my interest.
In the same vein as nearly 80% of the live-action Disney remakes however, it's an acceptable movie with great production value and stars doing their best; only when compared to their animated counterparts made nearly 2 decades before does the opinion shift to awful.

Some dense executive thought that "chi" was "magic" and that makes me sad.

Scoob!

Consider Batman.

WB and DC seem to have to constantly re-invent him and his posse of crime fighters, seemingly for every generation. Campy, brutal, dark, serious cartoon, funny cartoon, bigoted alien-fighter, little plastic snarkmaster who certainly acts like an 8 year old that never grew up, etc. etc.

Now consider Scooby Doo.

Of all the Hanna-Barbera cartoons, this goofy dog and his meddlesome friends have had incarnation after incarnation, so that it seems like every generation will know the words "zoinks," "jinkies," and "Ruh-roh."

The funny thing about both Batman and Scooby Doo is that they are both part of much bigger universes. Batman got everything from aliens that can leap tall buildings in a single bound, a mass of vegetation that speaks for the trees better than the Lorax, and the literal angel of vengeance that finally convinced the Pharaoh to let Moses' people go...and Scooby Doo got a talking shark, a racially insensitive dog that practices martial arts, and a smarter-than average bear.

So to call "Scoob" just another Scooby Doo movie is grossly underestimating how many cameos and Easter Eggs they can pull from their forgotten shows on the Boomerang channel. It's one gigantic adventure that mixes what makes Scooby Doo so endearing with some legitimate superhero stuff. A+ voice-acting too with comedic hijinks that works so well with this 3D animated medium.

Not bad. Roughly the same kinda attention to detail that makes the "Addams Family" intro recreation last year give off the same kinda vibe.

Weathering with You

Makoto Shinkai strikes again with a teenage love story that truly flourishes under the weirdest of circumstances...while his last mega-hit that featured this setup was new classic "Your Name," with a boy and a girl pulling a Freaky Friday leading up to an Armageddon-level meteor strike, this time, a plucky runaway tries to start a business with a girl who can stop bad weather for a little bit...and things go sideways. Truly gorgeous (water; just water effects EV-RY-WHERE!), the chemistry is cute as all heck, the side characters are fun & fleshed out on their own merits, and when adversity does rear its ugly head, you find yourself rooting for this guy to find the girl who might be literally stuck in the clouds.

Cameos from some old friends...and yet STILL NO CLOSURE ON WHETHER THEY GOT TOGETHER!!

One Piece: Episode of East Blue

As the famous meme said, "ain't nobody got time for that."

The long-running manga One Piece has been going on for a long long time, and for most, getting into it is a bit of a daunting task. And like anything that's been going on for a long time, sometimes its earlier work looks a bit shoddy. So now that we have a movie that chronicles the earliest episodes into an easy to swallow hour and 41 minutes, is it worth your time? Maybe. It's a great cliffnotes version with updated animation but it suffers from LUDICROUS SPEED ZOOM. Very evident in the last two segments with Sanji and Nami's stories getting the quickest brush of nostalgia recognition for the fans and the battles that zip by.
But man oh man, for a longtime fan, this is your nostalgia given a crisp new sheen.

I think at this point they had switched over to "Believe" but y'know, the first theme song will ALWAYS strike a chord with the fans.

Father of the Bride Part 3(ish)

Just a fun little romp with familiar characters and filmed in a believable way with the COVID-19 pandemic still raging outside.

Burn the Witch

"WE HAVE FOUND A WITCH! MAY WE BURN HER?" - nearly every dragon in London, trying to prove that witches weigh the same as a duck.

Take the most notable elements of "Harry Potter" and the "How to Train your Dragon" movies and filter it through the mind of the guy who made "Bleach," and this is what you got.

Honestly, a lot of potential, with adventures more like the "Ghostbusters" or the "Men in Black" instead of the never-ending duels that made "Bleach" such a bore as it dragged on, this time focusing on maintaining the hidden world of magic and fantastic creatures on the flipside of a modern big city with a dynamic pair of cute witches.

Unfortunately, it is such a pilot for a series begging to be made, it's not much a movie, but it's simultaneously, a middle point of an adventure and a starting point for this interesting buncha characters.

Been really getting into English covers lately; this gal sings the ending theme pretty good; checkout more of her stuff

Kamen Rider Heisei Generations

There are just three reasons to watch this:

The glorious medley of the Rider Openings at the endcredits
The meta-joke about Grease looking like Otoya Kurenai from Kiva (and a host of other little things that are strangely meta about the whole dern franchise)
TAKERU SATOH, THE ORIGINAL DEN-O, COMES BACK FOR A CAMEO! AFTER YEARS AND YEARS OF NOT DOING THEM FOLLOW-UP MOVIES, HE FINALLY RETURNS! OH MY GAIM, IT'S GOOD TO SEE HIM AGAIN!

But really, same level of inexplicable fanservice for longtime fans, no real love to either of the headlining Riders (Build's team is shafted so much it hurts & really, what did we have to build off of with ZiO?), the villain & his literal minion army is a joke, and unless you're quite familiar with Den-O world mechanics, the plot won't make sense.
So essentially, a movie for fans only.

He's a bit older, but c'mon guys, even time travelers get old.

The LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special

Actually pretty funny.
Various sundry references all centered around mysterious crystals that let Rey time travel so she can learn the true meaning of Christmas? And in doing so, also manages to foil another Palpatine plot!
Definitely better than what it looks on paper.

"Hello there"

The Way Back

In case you don’t follow celebrity gossip, Ben Affleck’s life is pretty much in shambles. But the funny thing about most of humanity is that we love a good comeback, and Ben delivers with “the Way Back.”

Playing a truly miserable alcoholic (or just reliving memories?), Ben Affleck does his best to show a tough grump who seems to only care about the next time he can drink another Coors in the shower. But out of the blue, he gets a chance to give his life meaning again when he is called to coach his old high school’s basketball team. As the story goes on, it’s an almost never ending juggling act for the guy as he does his best to reign in his destructive impulses and actually care about these aggravating teenagers. While some people in his life get a little characterization, the story is primarily his, and we find out over the course of the film just why he is so bitter at the world; doesn’t justify what he does but it does bring the audience a bigger picture into this sad man’s life.

Top notch acting all around and you surprisingly find yourself wondering whether or not Ben can make a comeback (just like in real life).

Tenet
I will excuse a lot for "art."
I will excuse baffling directorial choices, vanity projects, and things that don't make sense if only to say that movies are an artform that need to live on.
But I will NOT excuse "Tenet," and its insistence on highfalutin I-AM-SO-SMART concept that is tacked onto a laughably simple plot: talk to people and stop bad guy from destroying the world from the mother of all nukes.
This was supposed to be Christopher Nolan's "welcome back to the movies" peace offering and instead we are "treated" to an anvil to the head and spat upon for "not getting it." His other movies have dealt with difficult sci-fi concepts before, but there was always an interesting story attached to it that only amplified the stakes. In this movie though? I COULD get it but it would take a lot of liberties with my understanding of time travel even more than "Avengers Endgame" did with their way of doing it.
Well, if I can't understand what is happening, it is a bad movie.

Perfectly encapsulates a lot of the problems I have with this movie

The Current War

While I do not deny that they got a lot of talented actors to be in this picture, I feel like way this movie was made is the anti-Birdman or anti-1917. CUTS! CUTS EVERYWHERE!

Due to the overwhelming presence of Edison as THE American inventor, you would think that he had squashed his rivals with no mercy. This movie seeks to point out otherwise, as Doctor Strange, aided by Spider-man, competes with General Zod and Beast of the X-men to provide the country with safe light.
"How exciting can it be to watch dudes feuding over providing electricity?" you might ask? Quite intriguing actually. The competition escalates and escalates with tactics getting dirtier, money running out and emotions running high, all culminating in who will have the honor of providing the power for the World's Fair in Chicago.

Despite what I love of the movie (DRAMATIC HISTORY!), I can barely stomach the rapid-fire nature of the amalgamation of scenes. Additionally, characters are barely introduced, with some forgotten for good chunks of the movie, motivations are not that well expressed, and the story just chugs along like a train with no brakes (heh heh heh).


"Nothing will ever be named a Tesla again!" How droll...

Soul

For me, it's a fine line between being cynical and being optimistic. Maybe in the future, I'll watch "Soul" when I'm feeling more hopeful, when the message won't ring so hollow when I'm finding myself feeling less the need for wonder and amazement at life, and more the need of purpose for my life.
But if I were in a better mood, I would praise how this movie conveys deeper concepts than what would normally be covered in an animated movie. I like how even living people can be considered "soulless;" how passions can be birthed or changed up; how another simple body-swapping situation can still be played for laughs and for appreciating little things in life; how even though you have to think about being a functional adult, you can still try to reach for your dreams.
Even though I appreciated what they were trying to sell, I could still only scoff and say "not for me thanks."

...

This is the new "SHE'S JUST ABOUT TO CLOSE UP THE LIBRARY!" for me...

Midway

Seriously, what else are you expecting from "Midway?"
Dogfights, hotshot pilots, the horrors of war, analysts obsessing over a map, and lots of DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA BOOM!
Far be it for me to blame a formula that works, but very middle-of-the-road when it comes to exciting yet lackluster story war epics.

My Hero Academia movie: Heroes Rising

Despite being a non-canon movie, this still manages to effectively fill a gap that is sorely felt by HeroAca fans waiting for Season 5.

This movie is a textbook definition of "nothing bad can happen to this sleepy little isolated place & then bad things happen," as all of the protagonists and his classmates from hero school are tasked with taking care of a small out of the way island because what can go wrong?
Four uniquely designed and powered baddies prove otherwise.

With the previous movie giving lip service to side-characters and not showing audiences exactly what they're capable of, focusing solely on All Might, Izuku, and the Shield family, this movie showcases 90% of the ensemble cast doing herowork. In addition, their further demonstration of abilities is expounded on in something you don't see too often in shonen battle shows: the combination of their abilities. You'd think that shonen series that emphasize the importance of friendship and camaraderie would show that more often instead of just STATING its importance. But this movie shows off how groups of the students can work together to accomplish their goals/beat up bad dudes. Really ties into the title with heroES RISing to the occasion.

The climax might rub some people the wrong way with its blatant disregard of power sharing, but considering the main character's Quirk is so overpowered already, might as well throw in a random miracle BS powerup.
Really fun and a fine amount of fanservice for the fans of the series that manages to go a little bit beyond expectations.

The transformation was a little...off

Promare

Watching this, you get filled with warm fuzzies, like seeing an old friend you haven't seen in a while with a hot new look. "Promare" certainly evokes the spirit of previous works that these absolute madmen have done, primarily "Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann" and "Kill La Kill," but the stylistic choices of this story about a hotshot firefighter befriending the leader of the oppressed firebender minority make this cinematic experience shine much more than the plot deserves. The "shoddy" CGI, the continual war of ice-blue blocks vs pink triangles, the whacked-out machines that only Japanese minds can come up with, and the frenetic kinetic flow of the animation certainly gives this Trigger outing a flavor similar, yet distinct.
Despite my misgivings on where the story and characters were going or if it was compelling at all, there's a point where my brain simply gives up on treating it like a competent story and snaps into "enjoy the ride" mode.

Despite the thematic similarities, the differences between Fire Force and Promare are so vast and different, it's like comparing bananas and peaches; both are fruits, but taste different when flambe'd!

Feel the Vern: Simply Movies

Sunday, July 20, 2025

Superman Legacy (2025)

Monday, January 4, 2021

2020: Year of the Backlog